Should I End It?

15:34 Unknown 0 Comments



Dear Dating City Girl,

  I am writing because I’m currently in what seems to be a dead end. I’ve been with my boyfriend for three years now. We had one of those relationships that most people wish to have; we were best friends and lovers. We had the best of times together and we had the worst of times together. We loved each other so much. We had our ups and downs, both of them were intense. But now, it’s been a few months that I feel that things have changed, on both ends. Don’t get me wrong, I still love him. But I don’t know if it’s because of habit or if I’m still in love with him. The past few months are kind of a haze for me. It feels like we are drifting apart. We are still together, but not really. We don’t talk to each other as much, we fight most of the time when we do and it just doesn’t feel the same anymore. I used to miss him every time I didn’t get to see him even for two days. Now I just don’t care that much. Sometimes I’m just bored. And when we are together, it rarely feels the same. There used to be a time when we couldn’t keep our hands off each other and we would never run out of things to say. Now I sometimes catch him staring at the ceiling lost in his thoughts, and sometimes I try to win him back, but sometimes I just don’t care to bother. Every time I fight for us to go back to the way we were, I find myself wondering whether I do it because I really want him in my life, if I miss the way we were or maybe just the idea of it, or if I just do it out of habit, just because I’m so used to being with him. I haven’t loved anyone else the way I love him... but the thing is I don’t know if I even love him that way anymore. Am I falling out of love?  I’m so lost. I’m thinking that maybe I should end it, but I don’t know if I should and for what. Please help me.

Lost-and-confused




Dear lost-and-confused,

Thank you for your email. I’ve been there, and I was in such a state of confusion that I didn’t know what to do. It’s one of those times, that you can actually hear your brain scream louder than your heart, because your emotions don’t consume you anymore. Your mind is ‘split’, but not your heart. The only thing that you are heart is probably telling you, is that you should let go. What you are thinking though is that you love him, and that’s out of the question, but probably for the wrong reason. You will always love him, but staying with him because you are just used to it is a different matter. It’s not fair to you or to him, so do yourselves a favour and break it off. You don’t have to wait until it’s too late, and all your good memories get replaced by fights or nights that you both sat next to each other but felt miles apart. I get where you are coming from, but sometimes these things come to an end, and it’s better to end it on good terms, rather than waiting until you both get tired of each other and come to the point where you can’t stand each other.


 You should also keep in mind that the feeling of confusion that you feel right now, that feeling of not really wanting to bother... that’s falling out of love. I’ve been through that and it took me a while to realize what it was. There’s no specific feeling that can describe it,
besides emptiness. It’s sort of a time period that you go through a phase where you feel blank. You don’t feel hurt or heartbroken, but you don’t feel in love, happy or content. You basically and literally feel nothing. And once in a while, every blue moon, you feel depressed. You recall all the good memories that you had with the person who is probably laying next to you in bed, look at him and miss the good moments that are long gone. However, when that feeling comes you know that what you miss most of all, is the idea of him, or the idea of you two together. What you don’t miss is him specifically. You are in love with the idea of love, but not with the person. That’s how you know you are falling out of love. And if that’s what you are going through, it’s better to end it sooner rather than later... And let me tell you why!

 Imagine three months from now, you two fighting and shouting every day. And every time you two decide to meet it’s more of a burden to you than it is a pleasure. You two either fight to the point where you don’t talk to each other for months or you go to the other extreme where you ignore each other’s presence. It’s like there is an elephant in the room that you don’t talk about. And for what? So that you spend so much time replacing all the good memories you had together with fights, tears or just ignorance and at the end possibly even hatred. Do you really want to get there? I don’t think so. So do both of you a favour and end it now. You’ll see that when your recover from the break up, you will still be able to reserve for each other the respect that you both deserve and you will look back to your relationship and recall fond memories instead of just fights and tears.


  It’s great that you managed to share so many good years together, but good things sometimes do end, and you might both love each other but what you two had is over. So let go sooner rather than later, whatever happens from now is just too little too late. Get back on your feet and look ahead, both of you, go on with your lives, don’t get stuck in a dead-end relationship.

I hope I have helped you and that you will decide to do what’s best for you in the end.

Lots of love,


Dating City Girl 

What do you think? Have I given he right advice? What would you do differently? Comment and let me know!!

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Tinder... Swipe left or right?

15:18 Unknown 1 Comments


 With Tinder making such a massive appearance in the world of dating, I found it unavoidable not to write anything about it. I actually avoided writing anything about it because I felt that I couldn’t make my mind up about how I feel, but after a while I decided that maybe it’s time to put my thoughts down in writing.

For those of you who don’t know - and I imagine it’s very few of you - Tinder is a dating application. It’s really easy to use, you sign up with Facebook, a few photos of you get uploaded and then you go through a list of guys, swiping left if you don’t like them and right if you do. If two of you swipe right to each other then it’s a match and you can start talking to each other. It’s basically an application that lets you decide solely on looks, and occasionally people may write a couple of sentences about themselves, or a quote. It’s nothing more than that.


Swiping Right for.. Tinder!

 Tinder is easy to use, it’s simple and the best thing about it is that you don’t get random messages from people you don’t like or weirdos that keep texting you because you never replied to them. You choose who you talk to.

 I downloaded Tinder maybe a year ago, and I found myself flipping through photos of numerous guys pointlessly for nights on end. I actually dated a couple of guys for a while from Tinder, but it didn’t work out. Gabriel was the first guy I met from Tinder ( see When is it Too Early to Start Liking Someone?) and Aaron was the second (see Threesomes...Three Times the Pleasure or the Trouble?). None of them worked out for separate reasons, but I had a good time with both of them while it lasted. Many of my friends started using Tinder after that. Shayla for example, met a guy through Tinder quite recently and things have been going quite well. One of my friends however, got introduced to Tinder tonight! She knew all about it, but never actually bothered to download it. When we had the conversation about the most fashionable dating application of the day, Vivi suddenly told us that she never used it. We had her signed up in five minutes and there she was tindering away all night long...



Swipe Left for... Tinder!

I have to admit, it was somehow exciting seeing someone that had not used Tinder getting carried away with it on the first night of using it. In fact, she got so absorbed that she hardly spoke to us for an hour.  After sometime I decided to go see what was going on and I found her looking at photos and swiping left within milliseconds of looking at someone. When I asked her why she never swiped right she said ‘No one is my type’. How is that even possible? She swiped through photos of all types of men: blondes, brunettes, tall, short, with beard, clean-shaven, blue-eyed, dark-eyed, and the list goes on and on. How could she not find anyone she liked?

 And suddenly the excitement that I had for introducing her to Tinder, faded away. I knew that Vivi is really picky when it comes to guys, but while I watched  her aimlessly swiping left to tens of guys and then looking up to her expressionless face, I couldn’t help but wonder: How vain do we really become with this application? We look at someone and decide we don’t like them because his nose is too big, or his hair is too long, or his beard is too long, or because he’s making a silly face or wearing a bright coloured T-shirt. But honestly, are all these grounds for dismissal? We tend to forget that all these are people, and someone that you might have thought has a big nose, might turn out to be the real deal. We learn to take a look on someone and decide whether we like them or not, but whatever happened to physical contact? I walk around London and see people fetching their morning Startbucks while flipping through photos on Tinder, but what do they really think about when they flip through those photos?

 And that’s the least of it. Apparently, having talked to both guys and girls that have used Tinder, I found out that there are two main opinions out there about men and women on tinder: The men are just looking to get laid and apparently, the women on Tinder are emotionally fucked up!  Who says these things? As if it’s not enough that both sexes fall into gender social construction every minute of every day in the real world, we have to go through the stereotyping in the world of Tinder as well?

 After a while, Vivi looked up and just said ‘This is sad’. She switched off her phone and threw it on the couch. And seriously, who’s to blame her? This is sad! We judge people based on their appearance in two photographs and then we expect to find Prince Charming. Let me tell you, you won’t find him riding his horse and posing with his sword in hand for his Tinder profile photo. So put your phone down and look around you. You might miss bumping into someone in the middle of the street that you could potentially like because you have your face glued on your phone. Whatever happened to the good old fashioned way of meeting guys? A simple, ‘the weather seems promising today’ to the cute guy next to you at your local Starbucks, might gain you a good conversation and potentially a date.

 You can keep tinder if it’s just for fun, but for all of you out there that expect to find a real relationship out of it, let me tell you it’s even harder than the real world. As for me,  I might still log on Tinder every now and then before falling asleep at night for a few minutes, but I don’t believe that anything serious might come out of it. And maybe I will meet a few more guys, but I stopped thinking that’s the way to go. I just do it for fun now and if anything good comes out of it then great and if not... I didn’t have high standards for this application to begin with.


 What do you think? Have you used Tinder? Please comment and share your experience with me! 

1 comments:

Dating an Older Man

16:41 Unknown 0 Comments

 I usually use a different man for every post I write and narrate my story. This time I won’t; and the primary reason for this is that every single man I ever dated was older than me. Some of them with as few years difference as 5 and some of them up to 16 years of age difference. And I know I’m not alone, I know there are a lot of you out there who prefer dating older men, for different reasons. But all of you that have dated an older man know there is a bad side to it, as well as the benefits. This post will give you the reasons for dating an older man, how to handle them and why more often than not, dating an older man doesn’t work out!

Dating an older man: Why we do it

 Well this should be straight forward. An older man is more mature. At every age, from the teenage years until young adulthood, it is commonly known that women are more mature than men. So it is only natural for a woman to turn to an older man, who will at least have the same level of maturity as her, if not even more. Another reason is that they have experience, in every aspect of life. You can count on him to give you a good advice and listen to you. But experience comes with age in every aspect... So naturally, an older man can be expected to be much better in bed than a guy in his twenties. To put it not so mildly: he’s been around the block and knows how to use his cock. You can expect an older man not only to give you multiple orgasms but also to teach you lot of things in bed that you probably had no idea until now.

 Above all, an older man is charming. But, unless you are the kind of girl that goes for older men, you won’t be able to understand this. Trying to explain this to many of my friends I realised I was short of words... which makes me wonder: why is it so hard to explain what is charming about the men we choose? What is it about an older man? Is it the small wrinkles around his eyes every time he smiles or the grey hair that just started showing? After having dated older men for the past 6 years, I still can’t decide.


Dating an Older Man: How To Do It

   If you are interests include staying out until 5 in the morning every night, mixing cheap brands of wine and vodka just to get wasted or your number one hobby is ‘shoes’ then dating an older man is definitely not for you. For the rest of you, if you happen to date an older man, you should know that there would be a number of different places that he would choose to go different your friends', and he would probably be in a different state in his life. So while he doesn’t expect you to tell him how many children you want to have in the future, because you simply have no idea yet, he definitely does not want to hear about your friend who got wasted and threw up all over the night bus. How about finding a common topic of conversation? It is only natural that you would have less knowledge on most topics, and that’s ok. That’s one of the reasons you choose him anyway, you learn from someone that knows more from you. Don’t be scared to be naive sometimes; once again, it’s fine. You are still learning, and he probably will find that adorable. Try to relate to him with your experience, to find out his interests and show interest, you’ll learn something new with him all the time.

 Do you ever wonder what is the reason an older man chooses to date us? He likes taking charge, so let him. It’s beautiful most of the time. He knows you are a strong independent woman, but he’s gone around the block way more many times that you have. Let him protect you, let him care and watch and learn. Enjoy it. You can let him take control if you trust him; you will find pleasure in it and he will secretly love it.

 I sometimes find it hard to understand why older men will choose us... but after thinking about it for a while, I came to think of it as a fair deal: you both get something out of it. He likes you because you are young, fresh, full of energy and life, and you remind him of years past. And you like him because he’s mature, charming and possibly (in the best of cases) you see in him something you want to become in a few years time.  So if possible, let him inspire you. He probably knows what he wants from life and hopes that you will be the same in a few years. You might see in him a path you want to follow.


Dating an Older Man: Why It doesn’t work out

 As you probably have seen for yourself, if you do date older men, more often than not, it doesn’t last for long. You might be the one to end it, or he might be the one, but it really doesn’t matter because often it’s due to one of the most common reasons.

 If your relationship with an older man has ended it could be primarily because you are in two different places at the moment. And that’s only natural: he’s been where you are, and you are yet to get where he is now. He’s probably going to be one step one ahead of you whatever you do in life. You both probably want different things – and it’s only natural. I would say that something is wrong if you both were on the same page. But that’s what’s beautiful about it! Yes, this might be expirational dating, and you know this isn’t going anywhere from the minute you jump into a relationship with an older man. No, he is not Prince Charming and he is not the man of your dreams – you probably won’t get married, have lots of babies nor ride off into the sunset. Also, you might find yourself falling in love with him, much before he does- if he does. Again, that’s only natural: you are young, naive and still learning. I know I’ve been there. It doesn’t always end nicely – he might leave you, long before you see it coming or you mind leave him,, because you realise this is doomed. You might get hurt, but when it’s all over, you’ll know it was a great experience – I always see it this way. You learn a lot more than you thought you could in a relationship and you mostly have good memories – and don’t get me started on how much you can learn in bed. He might make you consider doing things that didn’t even cross your mind.

I know what you are thinking: ‘if I know it’s doomed even before it starts, why bother?’ And you are right! But unless you have been there, you won’t know why it’s worth doing it. If you have been there, I hope this article has helped you find some reasoning in what you do; and also helped you see you are not alone. If you haven’t been there, maybe now there’s a chance you’ll consider something new. And if not, then it’s just something more to learn about dating.


 Have you ever dated an older man? How was your experience? How far did the relationship go? Comment and let me know your thoughts!!! 

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