Most of my posts tell the story of guys that I used to date and how it all turned out to be a disaster. This post however is not about one particular guy, but rather about why we are still single. This post is about us, and about how we see dating, what we do wrong and what we expect from guys. I have to say from now that I have no specific answer to that question, but what I do have is a set of theories on why we are still single (or rather, a bunch of questions taking over my mind), and I hope you can relate to at least one of them. Personally I can relate to most of them!

  I believe that one of the most important reasons that we are still single is the fact that most of us are stuck on that one guy, who is unavailable (either in another relationship, too old or is just not interested in a relationship). Most of you will scoff and deny that you are that kind of girl. But wait a minute, take a deep breath and think about it. Can you honestly tell me that you have never (at least at some point in your life) fell for a guy that was completely wrong for you? And can you deny that you spent at least a few months obsessing over that guy and hoping that somehow things would magically change and he would end up with you? It is my personal belief that women are programmed to fall for someone completely wrong for them, at least once in their life. Maybe that’s nature’s way of making us tougher and more tolerant. (Personally I made that mistake more than once). The big question however is why – Why do we fall for these guys? Are we so hopeful that we believe that maybe he will be the one, even though we can tell from the very beginning that he is bad news? Or do we have so much faith in ourselves that we see it as a mission, and we believe that we have to make this guy right for us, that we can change him for us, even though all evidence point to the contrary? No matter what the answer is to that question (and I have no answer, so if you do please comment and tell me!), the point is that we spent months, and possibly years stuck on that guy, who never ends up with us. He either ends up as an eternal (and eligible) bachelor, or with someone else, and we are left wondering why he didn't choose us!  My experience with Nick is a great example: I got so hung up on a guy for three whole years, in a situation that I knew I would never gain anything from, but I was still there, unwilling to get out and save myself!

   

  Another question that pops up in my mind every now and then is: “Do we have high expectations?” Are we still single, because we are expecting the knight on the white horse to come in and sweep us off our feet? Do we really believe that we can find that Mr. Perfect who will adore us and treat us like a princess, be gorgeous and always say the right thing at the same time, always agree with us and be our hero? And if we do believe that he’s out there, why can’t we find him? When it comes to men, I do have high expectations, but experience taught me that Mr. Perfect is nowhere to be found. I want to believe that my high expectations source from the fact that I was brought up by an amazing man, who set a great example on how a man should treat me, hence I will not settle for anything less. However, no one is perfect! The point is not to find the perfect person, but seek for the perfect connection with that imperfect person. And ladies let’s not forget, none of us is perfect. Are we really expecting to find the perfect person who will put up with our moaning and complaining and all our imperfections and never get fed up or upset about it? I don’t think so! Having high expectations is not necessarily a bad thing, but we have to be realistic! Someone once told that the flaws are the best part… you have to love someone not despite of their flaws, but because of their flaws as well!

 My other theory on why we are still single has to do with the places we are looking for that one person. We all have our type of guy that we are into. For example, I might be 20 but I am into older guys. So I don’t expect to find the type of guys I like at university or at any university parties. I will probably find them at certain bars in London, usually not at nightclubs, or at certain restaurants/cafes. So depending on your type of guy, you have to hang out at the right places, where they hang out as well, if you are hoping to meet them.

  Despite all my theories of why we are still single, we have to consider the possibility that finding the right person just didn't happen yet. So maybe we should stop obsessing over finding that one perfect person for us, and think about the possibility that maybe we are the ones that have to rescue ourselves and not wait for the knight on the white horse to come and ride off into the sunset with us! Maybe we should learn to depend more on ourselves, and if we happen to find that one perfect person, well then that’s amazing. If not… we should just learn that we can count on ourselves for everything.

I hope you enjoyed this post and keep coming back for the next ones. Comment and tell me if you have any more theories on why we are still single and in general what you think of my blog!

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  We fall in and out of love all the time, even though the latter is much harder to do than the former. We fall for jerks that break our hearts, we fall for older men because of their experience or we might just fall for anyone that makes us feel special… but can we fall in love with two people at the same time?  This is the story of two guys that played a very important part in my life, and both broke my heart; so please excuse my potential lack of humor in this post, but as you will understand none of the two stories had a happy ending. Even though I was very much in love with both of these guys… I never expected it to happen at the same time!

  When I met Nick I was 18. He was 30. I knew he was too old for me, and our ‘relationship’ was wrong on so many levels. I had an on-and-off relationship with Nick for 3 whole years. He taught me a lot, and I’m planning to use my relationship with him as an example for many of my upcoming posts. In 3 years my relationship with Nick has taught me so many things about life and dating than anything else or anyone else ever has. From the very beginning Nick had been one hell of a complicated guy. We never dated properly, it was more like an on and off affair throughout the 3 years. At time he made my life hell and he would hurt me every chance he would get. So why did I stay with him? Well, I knew Nick many years before anything had happened between us, and I always loved him. But the reason that I put up with the excruciating relationship we had is because I was madly and unconditionally in love with him. Even now, quite a while after everything ended with him, I cannot say that I am completely over him. (But this is another topic that I’m planning on discussing in the future). 

  

  By the time I met Andy, I was in that mess with Nick for about a year. It is my personal belief that if there’s any chance that ‘love at first sight’ exists, it was exactly what I experienced with Andy.  I’m not a romantic and I definitely don’t believe in love at first sight, but since the first moment I saw Andy, it was like nothing I've never felt before; I couldn't look away and I knew I had to get to know him straight away. To make a long story short, I got to know Andy and we started dating; even though our relationship was really short-lived I somehow managed to fall deeply in love with him. I dated Andy for three months and I was madly in love with him, since the first moment. I would get butterflies in my stomach every time I saw him, and I couldn't go through the day if I didn't talk to him. For as long as it lasted, my relationship with Andy was amazing. He would treat me like a real lady; he took me to meet his family, he used to cook for me and was there every time I needed him. On the other hand, while I was dating Andy, Nick and I decided to take some time apart because things had gotten way too complicated; and even though I was head over heels with Andy, there wasn't a day when my mind wouldn't wander off to Nick. We talked from time to time, he would tell me that he misses me, and I would say I miss him too; but we both knew we were in over our heads and that our relationship was doomed. 

  

  Unfortunately Andy left me 3 months later for someone else and it really broke my heart. It took me many months to get over him, and I couldn't even understand what was wrong with me and how I had fallen so deeply in love with someone, in such a short time! Nick contacted me shortly afterwards and the moment I heard his voice I realized that while I was still heart-broken and still in love with Andy, I never stopped loving Nick; on top of that I really wanted to see him. We got back together, and he kept breaking my heart over and over again for another two years until I said enough. More on Nick’s story however is coming on the next posts.

 After my two relationships, I still had that one question coming to my mind over and over again: “ Was I really in love with two guys at the same time? How is that possible?” From there on, every time I would ask someone “Do you believe it’s possible to fall in love with two people at the same time?” no one had a straight answer. And to this day, if I hadn't lived through it, I would still think it’s impossible to happen! Even though after my experience I knew that falling in love with two people at the same time was actually possible, I couldn't help but wonder: “Was I so emotionally worn out by my relationship with Nick that I desperately needed someone else to rescue me? And if so, if Nick had actually destroyed me emotionally, was I so willing to love someone else except him, that I actually made myself believe in love at first sight?” After careful consideration, I realized that even though it was true that Nick did exhaust me psychologically, I didn't fall for Andy because I needed someone to rescue me: it was just meant to be.  That led me to conclude that even though it is possible to fall in love with two people at the same time, you can never love someone for the same reasons you love someone else! I realized that the reasons that I fell madly in love with Nick were much different than the ones that made me fall for Andy.

  I fell in love with Nick because he gave me that sense of adventure, of something forbidden, of guilty pleasure. It was passion, lust, obsession, infatuation; and even though I did love him and care about him, passion was always the main factor that kept our relationship together.  I fell in love with Andy for very different reasons: he made me laugh, he spent time with me as a friend and he was just making it so easy for me to be myself that I couldn't help but falling for him.

 So if you are wondering whether it is possible to be in love with two people at the same time, or if you are actually experiencing it now, then in my view, it is perfectly normal. You can actually be in love with two people at the same time, but truth is, you will never love someone the same way you love someone else.

Comment and tell me about your experiences. Have you ever been in love with two people at the same time? How did it work out? Do you believe that you can be in love with two people at the same time? Also, I am sorry for not posting often enough, but it is exam period right now and I hardly find any free time!!

Please also offer ideas for new posts if you want!

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  I never was one to think before speaking. Not only when it comes to men, but in general. Even though at times it proved to be bad, (I was hurting people without meaning to do so, or saying the wrong things at the worst possible timing) I never thought of changing this about myself until I met Richard. Richard was one of my first boyfriends, when I was about 16. Of course his real name is not Richard, but for the sake of this article I would like to call him Richard, mostly because the nickname for Richard is Dick, and even though I never understood why Dick is short for Richard, it really suits this guy.

  I met Dick one day at a café, while hanging out with a few friends. He wasn't very handsome, but there was something about him that I really liked. We had a couple of friends in common and they introduced me to him, and that’s how we started talking (I know it’s a cliché, but when you are 16 this is the most popular way to get a boyfriend). We talked for a few weeks, went out as friends and after about a month we were officially dating. I dated Richard (oh I mean Dick!) for 6 months, and when you are 16 that’s considered oh-so-big! Well, what went wrong this time? I had a nice time with him; we used to go out, have a good laugh and we were pretty into each other. However, I would always say the wrong thing at the worst possible time. When he did something I didn't like I would immediately tell him off, most of the time I would snap at him (teenagers do that ALL the time!) and I wouldn't think before speaking, which meant that at times I offended him. It looked like I was looking to start a fight out of nowhere. One of the biggest mistakes I made was to tell him off in front of his friends (HUGE mistake when it comes to guys!!).  I recall one time saying “I hate what you are wearing” as soon as he walked in the room with all of his friends there. That was a mistake, I have to admit it, but there were also times when I was right. For instance, we would walk down the street and he would check out another girl (most guys do that, even when they are with their girlfriends) and I would just snap at him. Well I learnt, a little bit too late, that it’s not the way to do it! Telling him off in the middle of the street about anything, will get you nowhere.

 When he would cancel on me, I would shout or moan at him for hours, and I remember telling him quite frequently “Sometimes I feel like I hate you when you do that!” I know I sound like a complete bitch right now, but please give me a break; I was 16, an angry teenager who thought I was the centre of the world – even though I should have been snapping at my parents, like all normal teenagers! Even when I told him ‘I love you’ it was at the wrong time and the wrong place. We were just walking one day and I stopped suddenly, turned and said “I think I love you”. Now you would think that saying I love you abruptly would be spontaneous and potentially romantic. But stop for a minute and think about it: “I THINK I love you?” Really? What was I thinking? If you say I love you to someone, you don’t think that you love them, you should be sure. Also: no, you wouldn't expect me to tell him over a romantic dinner, under the candlelight, but you would at least expect me to say it in a more private place; when I was sure that I loved him!

Unsurprisingly we broke up because of too much fighting - and even the break up was at the wrong time and the wrong place! (He broke up with me though. Over text. While I was abroad!).  I never thought it was my fault for nagging him too much, or for always saying the wrong thing at a really bad timing.

  However, more than 4 years later, I got to thinking about thinking before speaking. While talking about it over coffee with some friends, one late afternoon I got a few wise words from them. When I popped the question, “When it comes to dating, should you think before you speak?”, Javier thought about it for a second and then said hesitantly “Well, as long as you say it with respect…”; (translation: yes always think about what you say before you say it!). Vivi, (who also took a couple of seconds to think about it) replied that speaking before thinking is usually considered to be more honest, but more emotional rather than rational.  However, a few minutes later she said “I always think too much before I speak, which makes me not say things I actually want to say and then I regret it…”. My other friend, Julia (who’s been with her boyfriend for 5 years now, so she must know something!) said straight away, without hesitation “Think before you speak, it’s the right thing to do!”

  When I came back home, I couldn't help but wonder: “Is it possible that we scare men away because we always say what’s on our mind without thinking? And if that’s true, would we be honest and true if we didn't say what we feel, just to keep a guy?” I understood with time that the most important thing it’s not what you say, but how you say it! Thinking before speaking is the wisest thing to do, BUT you have to do it at the right time, with the nicest possible way. If something bothers you and you say it straight away, chances are you will say it in an angry manner, probably even shout, and you can be 100% sure it will sound rude. However, if you say it later on, when you are not angry anymore and have some time to think about it, then you will say it in the nicest possible way, he will understand it better and most likely won’t get pissed off at you and think that you are nagging him. He will probably respect you more for that as well. I put my advice into practice with many men that I dated afterwards and found out that it is actually the best way to say things to men! The more I took time to think about how I would say something that would potentially annoy them, the more I was able to find a better way (and time!) to say it, which meant that I was easier to get along with, and they weren't getting fed up with my nagging. Of course sometimes I still just say the first thing that comes to my mind and I regret it afterwards. Oh well, bad habits die hard, (but you can get them under control!)

  Oh and if you are wondering why I call this guy Dick: he is now dating my ex-best friend!

So ladies, think before you speak, but always say what’s on your mind, just in a nice way – respect them and you will get the same in return (I guess Javier was right after all!). Did you ever have any bad experiences because you blurted out the first thing that came to your mind or did you always think before speaking? Feel free to comment and share your experiences!!

 Don’t forget to check out my facebook page on the latest updates and the next posts’ subjects: https://www.facebook.com/newcitygirlondating?fref=ts! I hope you enjoyed this post, and don’t miss the next post on “Can we fall in love with two people at the same time?” which is coming pretty soon!! 

  Most of us have gone out with some real jerks (Excuse my language, but it’s true) – I don’t know why; there is something about them that drives us crazy. Truth is, sometimes we fall really hard for them and at the end we always get our heart broken. But once in a while, every blue moon we are going to meet that one genuinely nice guy who is willing to love us unconditionally and treat us like a real lady. And of course… most of us will turn him down, because he’s just too nice! Well, this is Nathan’s story; that one amazing guy who walked in my life, and I’m embarrassed to admit, I turned him down.

   

  I met Nathan on a night out with Sandra, a really good friend of mine who I’ve known for years. We were a bit tipsy and on our way home when we bumped into him on the street. He started chatting us up and said he wouldn't let us go unless I let him take me out on a date. So being drunk and a bit light-headed, of course I said yes (please don’t judge me, who hasn't done things when they were drunk that they regretted afterwards). So I gave him my number, believing he will never text (maybe he was too drunk, or he would forget, or just be a typical guy!). Imagine my surprise when he did text, 3 days later, asking me out on a date. I was about to decline his invitation in a polite way (after all, he had seen me drunk, God knows how embarrassing that must have been and what impression he must have had of me), when Sandra texted me saying “Just give him a chance! It’s just a drink and if you don’t like him you never have to see him again”. So taking my friend’s advice I accepted, and next thing I knew I was on a date with this great guy, who made laugh, had a great conversation with me, gave me his coat when I was cold and walked me home.  So what was wrong? Why wasn't I happy? Despite that feeling of something-was-missing-but-couldn't-quite-understand-what, I went out with him on a second and third date and before I knew it I was officially dating him for more than a month. And he was a real gentleman. He adored me. He would call me every time to see if I got home safely, he wouldn't push me to do things I didn't want to do, he would talk to me on the phone when I felt lonely, he would come visit me whenever I had time and never complained when I cancelled on him. Javier told me “If you don’t marry him right away I will”, and I hated myself for not being in love with this guy who adored me and was willing to fly to the moon and back just for my sake.  He asked me several times why I was distant, or sometimes avoiding to see him for days, and of course… I didn’t have an answer. One day I remember asking him “What do you want from this… relationship?” and his answer was “To make you happy”. I almost burst into tears for not being able to fall in love with this man. One afternoon over coffee, my friend Vivi asked "So what was wrong with him?” and naturally I had no answer. Nothing was wrong with him, so I said (much to my embarrassment) “He’s just… too nice”.

  After dating Nathan for another couple of weeks, we broke it off (not to anyone’s surprise). I recall him calling me a ‘cold-hearted bitch, who will never fall in love’, ‘emotionally unavailable’, ‘distant’ and many other similar things before he slammed the door in my face, and I can’t blame him. Many of those things are not true; I had fallen in love before, more than once. That was the problem! And every time ended up with my heart in pieces. I never told him that of course. He was right though, I was too ‘emotionally unavailable’ (his words, I would never say that about me, but yes it’s true!).  So what was wrong? Up to this day, I am not quite sure of the answer. The closest thing to an answer that I can get, is that I have dated so many assholes (again sorry for the language) and I was so used to fighting over someone or struggling to be with someone, that I couldn't see a perfect potential relationship even if it slapped me right in the face. After my experience with Nathan, I was horrified. Mostly because he brought to my attention things about me that no one ever said before, but mostly because he got me thinking: How much pain are we really able to take before we become numb? Or even worse, before we shut down, and become ‘emotionally unavailable’? And when that happens, how, or worse of the worst, is it possible to 'let anyone in' again?  Almost a year later, I have to admit that I regret the way I treated Nathan and after he gave me a dose of reality by making me aware of the person I had turned into, I have to say that I would give Nathan another chance. But I never texted him again of course… I was too proud for that.

 So ladies, if you happen to bump into one of those (very few) truly amazing guys learn from my experience with Nathan – do not turn them down, because they are too nice. Open up your hearts to them and let them treat you like a lady deserves to be treated – every single one of us deserves to be treated like the lady she is (well maybe I missed my chance, but it’s not too late for you! Maybe I’ll get lucky again and meet another Nathan in another 20 years!). And one last lesson: never, ever keep your distance because you are afraid of getting hurt again. Yes, we are all afraid of that. But life is too short to wake up with regrets (and I should know, I regret it every single day), so take all the chances that you can get. If it turns out to be bad, well at least it’s one more experience. But you might fall in love and he might be the one!

 I hope you enjoyed this post and learnt from one big mistake (among the many) that I've made. Did you have any similar experiences? Did you ever turn down someone because he was just too nice? Or did you get your heart broken too many times and wanted to be on the safe side and not let anyone in? Comment and let me know what you think!

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When you meet someone that you might potentially like, the most important thing is to leave him with a good impression of you. If we ever expect him to pick up the phone and ask us on that infamous first date, we definitely want to make a good impression, and not seem too desperate or too cold. But somehow we can never get it right (most of us at least).

  

  So thisis the story about the first guy I met in London that I actually liked. Thestory dates a year back, a couple of months after I moved to London; one latenight as I was going to pick up my laundry from the laundry room I bumped intothis tall, blonde, green-eyed god – I bumped into him with the laundry basket,wearing my pajamas, with crazy hair. Somehow, we started talking, and within 15minutes I had found out his name was Eric, a post-grad student at myuniversity, 26 years old. We immediately hit it off. We ended up talking forhours that night, (imagine the cold London weather at midnight, mid-November –hell I must have really liked that guy to stay outside for hours just to talkto him!). It was one of those dream-like first dates (although it wasn’t afirst date, we had just met), where you talk about everything, from music tomovies to religion to university to travelling to (yes I’m embarrassed to admitit) aliens! And we had so many things in common, it was unbelievable. And then disasterhit. Mistake no.1: when he mentioned a movie that was on at that time, I said“Let’s go next week to see it”. And I wish I had stopped there, but I kept pushingit… Mistake no.2: “What’s your facebook? I’ll add you as a friend” and ofcourse I had to make the last and biggest mistake of it all…Mistake no.3: Iasked for his number (and he reluctantly gave it to me). And if you arewondering, I could see him getting the cold feet from that moment, but that didn't stop me though!

The next day I told the story to my goodfriend Javier (Javier is one of those gay best friends that every girl wishesshe had and I got lucky enough to have him in my life), who told me to keep the“48-hour rule”, i.e. do not text him until two days have passed, and preferablywait until he texts you first. I recall him saying “You don’t want to seem toodesperate!”. Well that’s exactly what I seemed to Eric. Not wanting to stick toany stupid rule, I decided it was a great idea to text him that afternoon andmake mistake no.4… After all, I don’t meet guys that I actually like and clickwith often enough and now that I had met Eric, I wasn’t about to step back… BigMistake!! He responded… three hours later… saying he was fine, not even askingthe casual and polite “How are you?”. Well that was it, even though I tried tostart a conversation with him another couple of times after that, the situationwas hopeless. I had lost the game.

  

  After my experience with green-eyed Eric, Icouldn’t help but wonder: Are we really too eager? And is the ’48-hour’ rulenot just preferable, but compulsory? I’ve heard stories from many friendspushing the situation with guys too much too soon, and ending up alone, butdidn’t want to believe them.  It turnsout, many of us are so eager to go out with them, that we seem on the verge of desperation.The ‘48-hour’ rule is not, but should be compulsory – for self dignity issues.And ladies, the last (but not least) lesson I learnt from Eric, is that it ismuch preferred not to ask a guy for his phone number! If he is interested hewill definitely ask you for yours; if he’s not he might give you his phonenumber, but will definitely avoid returning your calls and replying to yourtexts. 

 I hope my experience with Eric makes somethings clear for all of you that wonder every time you meet a guy, when shouldyou text, when will he text or how long should you wait before asking for hisnumber!

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