Being the other woman
I have
a list of all the blog posts I am doing, one right after the other… and this
one was nowhere on the list. I had to write this post though because of what I
realized today. My most popular article is by far ‘Will he ever leave hisgirlfriend for you?’ and you will not believe how many people read that each
day… and how many emails I receive asking me about that. I was under the
impression that I’m one of the few girls that experienced what it’s like being
the other woman and thinking he will leave his girlfriend for me. But I just
found out otherwise. I get emails on a
daily basis, all asking me the same thing in a hundred different ways: ‘He said
he loves me…’ , ‘He doesn’t love his wife anymore, he said he’ll leave her…’,
‘He is staying with her for a little while longer because she’s going through a
rough patch’, and the list is endless. They all finish with the same question
however: ‘Do you think he will leave her
for me?’… It just breaks my heart every time I have to answer the same thing to
them: ‘No he won’t!’
I decided to write this post to all those
women out there, who think that he will leave his girlfriend for them and who
are, what is commonly known as, the 'other woman'. I know exactly how you feel
and I know how hard it is. I’ve been through that and I’m still not over it,
but we can’t keep telling ourselves the same lie over and over again because we
think something is going to change. It’s not easy to admit, but here is what it
feels like being the other woman:
1.
You will always come second: I know how bad this is. But
whatever happens, he’s going to put his girlfriend/wife first. He will run to
her first, he will cancel on you with the first little thing that might come up
that will involve her. He might
genuinely love you, he might even love you more than her, but she’s the
priority.
2.
There’s so much sneaking around: It just feels like you are doing
something illegal ALL the time!! You meet up with him after midnight, you have
to leave before the sun comes up, he can’t take a call from you in public, and
he can’t even answer a text from you most of the time. You probably can’t call
him most of the time because he doesn’t want you to do so, in case someone else
is there and sees it. It’s infuriating, it’s humiliating and frankly it’s exhausting!
3.
You are ‘the other girl’: Whatever happens, even if he breaks
up with his girlfriend at some point (which won’t happen for the reasons you
are hoping it will), you will always be the other girl. You will be the girl
that he cheated on with. No one will approve of you in his world. If he can’t
have his friend’s or family’s approval your relationship will never last. And
even if you don’t care about what others think, deep inside he thinks that way
too: You were the woman that didn’t mind sleeping with someone who was in
another relationship.
4.
Are we really that special? Let me tell you, Mat said he loved
me more than her. And I know I probably shouldn’t have believed him, but I did.
But even if he meant it, two years ago I was nothing. I was just a girl, out of
anyone he could have chosen, that he was sleeping with. And it sounds bad, but
I said ok because I didn’t care. I wanted to have a good time… never in a
million years did I think it would lead me here! So no, he didn’t choose me. I just happened
to be there, I wasn’t even that special. But I was there for way too long, so
we ended up getting attached.
5.
We are sharing him: I don’t know why this didn’t come
up earlier on the list. But this is the most tragic part! While for us the idea
of sleeping with someone while we are so deeply attached to them is just
unimaginable, he is more than conveniently sleeping with his girlfriend and
there is nothing we can do about it! We know it’s happening even though we
might not be admitting it to ourselves. We love them so much, we pretend it’s
not even an issue, but it is. It’s the biggest issue in the whole fucked up
situation.
6.
We know this will end up bad: we know we will get hurt.
Subconsciously we do, even though we don’t admit it even to ourselves! We hope
and dream and we get so caught up in it, that we forget that what awaits for us at
the end of the tunnel, it’s not light, it’s hell! It’s just more and more pain,
on top of the pain of being the other woman. It’s a pain that we know it’s
unavoidable, but we put it off as long as we can by staying there, being the
other woman.
In a nutshell, that’s how the other woman feels. It’s horrible and
painful and we are so addicted to the exquisite pain of wanting someone so
unavailable to us that we tend to overlook all the disadvantages. I know how
amazing and heartbreaking it can feel at the same time. At this point I need to
repeat myself and say how shocked I was by how many people are in the same
position as I was. I feel every single woman’s pain that emails me and asks me
about that. It just breaks me to have to tell her ‘he will never leave her’,
but I have to be honest with you. I have to let you know that he won’t and you
can postpone the pain of leaving him all you want…. But just know that you
can’t avoid it.
Does any of you have anything to add to my list? Is there something I
left out? Comment and tell me how you feel. CLICK HERE TO LIKE MY FACEBOOK PAGE
Note: There was a problem with the comments section, but now it’s fixed
and you can comment anonymously if you want!
I know exactly what you mean by 'you will always be that girl'!! My ex-boyfriend broke up with his then girlfriend, even though we were sleeping together at the time. A few weeks later we went in public together but no one ever approved of me! His friends always hated me and they never hesitated in showing it. His family didn't even want to meet me. All of them loved his ex and thought I was the one that broke them up. It just sucks, they never really got to know to to hate me. They just hated me straight away!
ReplyDeleteThank you for posting this. That's exactly how I felt throughout my whole relationship with my ex, and the even though he broke up with his girlfriend at some point and we were dating, he soon left me and got back with her :(
Thank you for your comment. It sounds like he really broke your heart :( I'm really sorry to hear this. Your whole story is proof that even though he might have loved you more, he just went back to where he felt comfortable. Men are creatures of habit. If they are comfortable where they are they would never change that. He took the risk, but run away when the ride got a bit bumpy.. You deserve someone better. Someone who will stick with you when times get rough. I'm sure you'll find what you are looking for :)
DeleteI'm in the situation of being the "other woman" right now and I do not know how I am doing it. Its as though every time I try to leave and not look back I just can't. The hope that he will leave her is greater than the burden this role brings upon me. I know I make him happier, but I also know that men are indeed creatures of habit. I have never met his girlfriend, we run in a same circle of acquaintances and that's how we met, but he has told me he feels like he would be letting down his family and her family if he left her. What I can't wrap my head around is, if he's not happy, and has admitted I make him happy, why stay? Why is the fear of the unknown so much stronger than what could be? I just don't understand. Its not fair to any of us. I do not want to wonder what if anymore. I know he's having his cake and eating it too, and I'm only enabling this by not walking away. I don't know what to do...
ReplyDeleteHello, and thank you for your comment. I know exactly what you are going through. I believe that people in general, and mostly men in particular, will never change a comfortable situation and jump into the unknown, even though it might make them happier in the end. What I did, was giving him an ultimatum, and may I add, way too much time to think about it too. He chose her; I knew he would. But by doing that, I knew that I tried everything I could. I couldn't walk away and wonder 'what if..'. It broke my heart and it will break yours, but unless he gets scared that he might lose you, he will never do anything to change it. On the other hand, he might choose to lose you over her, but that's a risk you should be willing to take. I think you need to get yourself out of this vicious cycle and try to change something. If giving him an ultimatum is something you can't do, then you have to face the fact that this will be something that will be breaking your heart every time. You need to put yourself first and walk out with your head held high. I know it hurts, and it will hurt for a long time.... But in the end it i will be better for you.
DeleteI really hope this helped, at least a little bit :)
Oh my.. you're good :) these are the exact words I badly needed right now :)
DeletePoint one is so true...you will always come second! Provided you can handle this you'll be OK.
ReplyDeleteI don't think any of us don't care about that, we all do. But at first it doesn't seem that big of a deal. Sometimes we intentionally try to put it out of our minds so that it doesn't bother us, but I don't think there's a right way to handle this.
DeleteReading your blog has made me realise things I have been in denial off. Today I got to work and all I did was just cry. I don't know what to do anymore. Mine is more complicated than me just walking away. He has been in a relationship with his girlfriend for six years now and we have been dating for almost a year. Through out the time we have been dating I have tried to walk away so many time but he would just come back running after me. He love his girlfriend but they stay in different towns and thats what is straining their relationship as they don't see each other often. We on the other hand practically live together but he still won't leave her because he says he' ll disappoint his family and all. What make this even worse is that I found out I am pregnant with his child. My heart just breaks when I think of the mess I am in...he won't allow me to leave him now because of the baby but at the same time he won't leave his girlfriend as well. I'm tired of crying, I'm tired of thinking, I'm tired of him talking to her in my presence, I'm tired of waiting for him to decide. What can I do?
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for your comment and you are story really is heartbreaking. But right now there's something else that needs to come first besides your relationship with him or his relationship with his girlfriend, there's a baby! So what you have to do is think about that first. You don't want giving birth to your baby when you are not quite sure where you are standing and with all this heart ache. This is the time that you need to take a decision, no matter how difficult it is. You have to tell him either you leave her, or I leave, because at this point you have no choice! And it might hurt a lot, but you need to think about the baby more than anything else right now and prioritize it. I'm sure he loves you, and you love him, but it's not that simple anymore. And if he thinks that when the baby comes he'll be able to keep this relationship a secret and still keep his girlfriend then he's wrong! So put the needs of your baby before your own at this point and make the right decision for the sake of both of you!
DeleteI hope this has helped. Good luck with everything xxx
Hi, your blog entry helped me a lot because it all relates to me but what i wanted to know is that i told the girlfriend about what happened because he wouldn't. Is that wrong? Many believe i did it out of revenge because he chose her but i honestly feel i did it because i felt bad for her and i cause her so much distress. Being girls i wanted to look out for her. I know i made a mistake getting myself involved with him but was telling her the wrong thing to do? because i don't know if it was my business to do so. please help !
ReplyDeleteHello there and thank you for your comment. I'm going to be honest and say that this was actually a mistake. No one benefits out of this: he isn't any less of a coward because you told her, you are not any less hurt and now the girlfriend is hurt as well. You are right in thinking that it's the right thing for the girlfriend to find out ,but honestly I don't think it was your place to say anything, mostly because it gets you into trouble. Personally I would never tell the girlfriend. If she is blind to what's happening for all this time, or if she pretends not to know, then she deserves him. It doesn't matter, because now it's over, you told her. Now however, you need to face that telling his girlfriend is definitely going to drive him away from you and it's probably over. If you don't mind me asking, how did the girlfriend take it? If you don't want to leave it as a comment feel free to email me and let me know: livefornow1992@gmail.com
DeleteI only told her because i felt sympathy for her because him and I were discreet about it except one time we were drunk at a party and we accidentally started acting like a couple in front of everyone. Then he told his girlfriend that it was only a one time thing at the party and nothing else happened to protect his relationship. She told him he could never talk to me again, and he went behind her back to do so. I always knew it was wrong but i was so blinded and naive i did not want to listen to myself. I was blinded because he said that his girlfriend was playing games with him and i'm here for him. (which is, totally not the case) He told me he loved me and not her, and he at times thought about choosing me instead. One night i could not take it anymore and told him that i wanted to leave him because he is causing me too much distress. Now he blames me for making him chose her because i did not want him anymore but I only said that because i was trying to protect my emotions which did not end up working. Anyways, his girlfriend listened to what i said, then she started to tear and said thank you and walked away from me. Now he mad at me for what i did and he is calling me a side bitch, hoe, etc and people are siding with him like it was all my fault and he did no wrong.
ReplyDeleteIt is amazing how many of us end up in this situation. I met someone with whom I had a nearly instant "connection" and attraction. Over a matter of months, we have come closer and closer. There is someone else that he wants to be with; she's been gone for training for several months. Over this time, she's told him she's no longer in love with him, is enjoying her independence, doesn't want a man. When she left, things weren't great between them. I've justified my presence in his life by thinking that she doesn't want to be with him, or else she would be calling, texting, writing letters or emails....things that aren't happening. She will be home in the next several weeks and they plan to meet up and make decisions on the future. I want to believe that she will not go forward with him....seeing what she has said, how infrequently she is in touch with him after being gone for a LONG time all would say to me that she is not interested in including him in her life any longer. However, I cannot be objective in this situation--I'm probably just reading into it what I WANT to see.
ReplyDeleteThe reality is that I have to realize that I've been there to keep him company for months--and yet he continues to choose someone that rejects him in her inaction and words. Even if she comes home and tells him that she's done--will I ever be able to feel like I wasn't his second choice? We've talked about the "what if timing was right for us" situations...even if she comes home and tells him it's over, will timing be right for us then?
I tried once to say "it's over, I can't do this any longer, I won't be second fiddle". But I didn't want to waste a moment I could have with him. I know he cares for me....I've seen it in his eyes, his actions toward me....but not enough to choose me. So....I have to choose me instead.
Thank you for your comment and honestly I admire you for saying that you have to choose you instead! This is the right thing to do! I have been there. I have been with someone that would always choose someone else instead of me and I know what it feels like to be the second option. It always sucks, but after some time you realise that you are not willing to put someone above you when in reality all you are for them is just a second option.
DeleteWhat you have to do is leave, because it's the right thing for you. Even if she doesn't want him anymore and they don't end up together, can you handle the idea of always coming second in his heart? You would constantly have to live with the idea that he would leave you for her anytime she comes back to him. I know it's hard, but at some point you have to choose yourself over him, and walk away. The sooner the better. It will never get easier, just harder. xx
My heart breaks because I AM the other woman, and I chose to be. I chose to date a married man, telling myself I just wanted to feel wanted and to have fun with someone who thought I was too good for him. I thought in this way, he would feel honoured to be with me, and it would be an exciting, fulfilling experience that I could walk away from whenever.
ReplyDeleteA year later and we are in "love". We lived about 30miles apart when we first met, and within months, he offered to subsidise my rent so I could move closer to him, in a more upscale neighbourhood. We now live less than a mile apart. It is so good in many ways. We see each other every weekday, we travel together, I have met his friends and colleagues. He treats me like a princess and I feel loved, but when Friday night rolls around and he disappears for the weekend, I am broken. It is so easy to get lost in him, to be lost in the relationship, but when the weekend rolls around, the reminder that I will never be number 1, that I will always be a dirty little secret, that our relationship is something shameful, morally repugnant, is difficult to bear. I do not expect him to leave his family. I know he loves his daughter, and in many ways loves his wife, because frankly, she has done nothing to deserve this. He simply married her out of practicality as opposed to love, but knowing that no matter how much he feels for me, I will never be enough to be his #1 and his only, hurts. It is killing me. I love him so much, but do not have the strength to walk away. HELP
Hi! Ok so I met this guy on a night out and started talking to him. I knew nothing about him apart from that he wasn't from my conutry and he had been living here for only one year. At first it was basically just sex we never really spoke about our lives or anything, and things were quite difficult because of our age gap me being 18 and him being 28 :/. After a month and a half a horrible thing happened..I fell pregnant with his baby. As soon as this happened things got a lot more complicated it was very hard for both of us and almost every night id see him and we would both just lie there holding each other and cry. If things weren't bad enough he then told me he had a girlfriend back in his country, I had no idea that he was even in a relationship so this news came quite a shock especially with the fact of being pregnant too. Everything was just horrible I couldn't tell my parents because even letting them no ive been sleeping with someone whos ten years older than me is bad enough. So we both came to a mutual decision that an abortion would be the right thing to do. He was with me every step of the way and really supported me anytime I needed him he was always there. He didn't tell his girlfriend about me and I didn't ask him too everything was so complicated as it was without anything else. Its been 3months since the abortion and im still seeing him and I hate to say it but I am completely in love with him to a point where I feel as if im going insane. I see him almost every day and we have this connection which is so strong and I think he feels the same by things he says to me and looks at me weve both been through so much and I can't have him leaving my life. I know there is a large age gap and that he already has a girlfriend and there are so many things stopping us from being together such as our families not approving but im so attached to him I can't have him leaving my life im so stuck and have no idea what to do.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for this. I, like you, thought there was no one else out there that could get it. I thought to everyone, you were just the devil-woman. Thank you for showing me that's not true. And thank you for outlining the truths that we all know deep-down, but as you said, convince ourselves to ignore over and over again. It's time to tell him to go.
ReplyDeleteI met a guy 5 years ago,we were together in a relation.he then started cheating on me meetong other girls,and ended up in a serious relationship with a girl and getting engagged while we were still together,and ever since she showed up i became the other girl.i just couldnt leave and go,everytime i do it i come back crazy for him.i dont even dare threatening him to chose one of us.i think it will be her.we still meet and have some chats in a secret way.i cant give him calls,and i cant meet him in public.and i cant tell anyone about my story,not my sister and not my friends.coz its not acceptable what im doing.im just doing all this shit coz i really love him bad.i keep telling him that he the only one i want,and how bad it is to love someone u cant be with..he avoids to tell me that he loves me,he doesnt tell me anything about his fiance and how things are going.he doesnt show me if things are messed up.he never said he will leave her.i just have this hope that one day something bad will happen between them and they will break up and he comes to me.he tells me that i might be someone he would want to marry only if .. I dunno what to do,i keep crying about it.and i cant share my pain with anyone close.im always hiding things,everyone had his happy ending story but me..im just waiting..please advice me..
ReplyDeleteHello and thank you for your comment. I know exactly what you are going through. But all those things that you outlined in your comment are precisely the reasons that should make you walk away. Chances are he won't leave her if he's comfortable where he is, no mater how much he loves you.. And I know it breaks your heart, but the sooner you walk away the better.. you can't avoid the pain, you can only postpone it.
DeleteI am the other woman... we were just close friends and I admired him so much. He's been dating her for 5 yrs but they've had tons of problems and recently are starting to break up... but still living together. And when me & him hang out we make out but we haven't had sex yet thankfully. . And I know they're breaking up soon but somehow I feel like it's going to end up seeming like it was my fault and will bite me in the ass. The timing of all this is crazy because they were already having issues before me, but I know it'll point only to me. I work with him all day every day and he is the head chef so if I break it off everything will be terrible at work and I absolutely love my job. Thankfully I'm moving to Italy in January but what do I do until then?!!! Thank you for your wonderful article. I needed to read this.
ReplyDeleteSo this is my story... I had a crush at
ReplyDeleteMy boss at work ... One drunken evening he decides to kiss me and that was the end. For the past year it's been numerous drunken hotel nights ... Back seat of the car after work and even on his bed where him and his girlfriend sleep. I keep telling myself what am I doing what am I doing and I know it's wrong but love is blind and I'm addicted to him like a drug. I've always been a hopeless romantic and I don't understand that if you love someone why can't you be together ? I have a daughter.
I am not being a good role model. Not that she knows that anything is going on but that's not what I want her the grow up thinking of me. I've been seeing a therapist and taking depression medication . This affair and entirely consumed my life. Im a sketch bag with my entire family ...
They know without knowing . So why doesn't she? Why is she so desperate to hang onto him ? It's so crazy that I've thought about this girl every day for the past year and I've never even met her ... Anyways . My boss got a big promotion at work and will be changing offices (so he will finally be making more money than her ... Now he can propose) he is now on a European cruise visiting some of the most romantic places in the world ... And I'm stick in a place that just reminds me of him. I'm hoping that this is a lesson and I'm hoping karma won't get me. I don't think I'm a bad person ... Sometimes you just can't help who you fall In love with. Before he left I gave him a sentimental gift that I spent a small fortune on ... I wanted to end it on a good note so that he knows I care and that I was always serious about us. Do you think this would ever sway his mind in being with me? Is he thinking of me while he is with her right now?
So this is my story... I had a crush at
ReplyDeleteMy boss at work ... One drunken evening he decides to kiss me and that was the end. For the past year it's been numerous drunken hotel nights ... Back seat of the car after work and even on his bed where him and his girlfriend sleep. I keep telling myself what am I doing what am I doing and I know it's wrong but love is blind and I'm addicted to him like a drug. I've always been a hopeless romantic and I don't understand that if you love someone why can't you be together ? I have a daughter.
I am not being a good role model. Not that she knows that anything is going on but that's not what I want her the grow up thinking of me. I've been seeing a therapist and taking depression medication . This affair and entirely consumed my life. Im a sketch bag with my entire family ...
They know without knowing . So why doesn't she? Why is she so desperate to hang onto him ? It's so crazy that I've thought about this girl every day for the past year and I've never even met her ... Anyways . My boss got a big promotion at work and will be changing offices (so he will finally be making more money than her ... Now he can propose) he is now on a European cruise visiting some of the most romantic places in the world ... And I'm stick in a place that just reminds me of him. I'm hoping that this is a lesson and I'm hoping karma won't get me. I don't think I'm a bad person ... Sometimes you just can't help who you fall In love with. Before he left I gave him a sentimental gift that I spent a small fortune on ... I wanted to end it on a good note so that he knows I care and that I was always serious about us. Do you think this would ever sway his mind in being with me? Is he thinking of me while he is with her right now?
Hi ladies, I've been divorced several years now and men in general perceive me as "available" I guess. All types of men are always pursuing me (I don't look like a model). Why do women stay married to these pigs? I wish they could hear the things they say to me. The things they would like to do to me. They also talk about how bored and annoyed they are by their wives. To make things worse, a lot of these women like to show people their rings (proud). They're married to pigs. Why do they get married with these people?
ReplyDeleteHello..
ReplyDeletehe says unless she gives him up he will not leave her.. does he really love her then? Or men are creatures of habit?
I met a married man 3 years ago. He had been married for 25 years and has 2 children. He told me that he had been unhappy in his marriage for a long time, that he didn't sleep with his wife, felt like a stranger in his own home. We started spending more time together, football games, secret lunch meetings, happy hours and our feelings began to grow. His wife found out about me and told him that he needed to make a decision between the two of us. He finally moved out of his house before Christmas and moved in with me shortly thereafter. We have been together ever since. His job transferred him out of state and we moved together and began our lives. I truly believe that I found my soulmate.
ReplyDeleteHowever, during all of this time he has never once introduced me to his children or his family. I think he is embarrassed that he cheated and has started a life with the "other woman". His children barely speak to him because of our relationship. I kept hoping that he would divorce his wife, but he said that he couldn't because of finances and insurance. I understood and convinced myself that it made sense.
Now I have found out that she has filed for divorce. I am happy to know that the marriage is over, but I am concerned that he will be paying her maintenance for a very long time. I am currently the one financially supporting the two of us and obviously that will continue until their agreement ends. I know that without me he would virtually be homeless because he sends everything to them.
Now I am starting to wonder what I have actually gotten myself into. I love this man with all of my heart and can't imagine that I would ever want to be with anyone else. But I still feel like our relationship is in the shadows. We are a "couple" where we currently live, but when we go back to our hometown we have no interactions with anyone other than a few friends (mainly mine). So despite living together for 2+ years I still feel like the other woman.
Am I making a mistake in staying in this relationship? Am I being used? Why doesn't he want me to meet his children, mother, sister, anyone? Why does he still show his relationship status as "married" on social media? Am I just a supportive rebound or the love of his life? Please help, so confused...
Hi, I am in a similar situation and I don't know what to do. We have been together for 3 years since his separation and I have had limited introductions to family. We do not live together as he is afraid of how his children will feel about it (I am nervous also to be honest). I am not sure whether things will get better or I will always feel like the other woman. Sometimes I don't feel like I can cope. I met him at a difficult time of my life and though I really do love him, sometimes I wish I had been able to walk away.
DeleteI met a guy two years ago and we started talking. I knew from the start that he had a girlfriend but still contined talking as we seemed so at ease in each other's presence. We have similar interests and he confessed after a year of that he loves me more and was sorry he was in a relationship. I have never met his girlfriend (only saw pics) and we seldom speak about her. He sleeps at my home most nights and I have grown really attached to him. Truth is they've been together for over 10 years and I know he will never leave her. He says she would have to end the relationship. We tried breaking it off already and he keeps coming back. I miss him terribly and feel like I'm making the wrong decision. He wants us to be friends and keeps calling to see if I'm okay. I'm not okay with being friends; I just can't do it. I have made the first step and asked him not to come by anymore or contact me. I know I deserve so much better, but it's hard to let go when he has all the qualities I'm looking for in a partner. Thanks for this article and the comments.
ReplyDeleteI am in the same situation as everyone here. I met a man and developed a friendship over 6 months - then it got romantic. He had a girlfriend who I believed he had broken up with - but he has not. I keep trying to leave - he does not want a relationship with me (I have 2 young kids he is scared of). But he says he loves me and that he has never been attracted to anyone like he is to me. I suspect however he is also sleeping with other women. I keep saying "I can't see you anymore" and he will leave me alone for a week - but then comes back saying he misses me, he misses my laugh, my smile. I am charmed into thinking it will be something different. It never is. Please help me get out of this....
ReplyDeleteHi, I am in a similar situation and I don't know what to do. We have been together for 3 years since his separation and I have had limited introductions to family. We do not live together as he is afraid of how his children will feel about it (I am nervous also to be honest). I am not sure whether things will get better or I will always feel like the other woman. Sometimes I don't feel like I can cope. I met him at a difficult time of my life and though I really do love him, sometimes I wish I had been able to walk away.
ReplyDeleteHi, I'm currently seeing a guy who has a long term gf. They have a child together plus he has a child from a previous relationship. He says he doesn't love her anymore and they live seperate lives and have done so for a while. We started seeing each other when I broke up with my long term partner, for me it was purely sex to begin with but he says he has fallen for me and I am starting to feel the same way. I just can't seem to see him leaving her going forward and it's driving me crazy! I know he says they are over but because we have to keep us a secret part of me has a niggling doubt that they aren't and he just wants the best of both worlds. Any thoughts would be greatly appreciated.
ReplyDeleteHi, I'm in a similar situation. I don't see myself as the other woman as I was and still is there first. We dated and slept with eachother for nearly 10 years before we eventually called it off because I wanted more than he was willing to commit to with me. Now 2 months after we called it off, he's happily committed himself a 'real' relationship. He still texts and talks to me everyday, despite telling his gf that he doesn't. He often tells me how much he fantasizes about me still. We've always had crazy sexual chemistry. And to this day he still satisfies me so well. Yes, we are still sleeping with eachother.
ReplyDeleteAs women to women, I feel sorry for his unknowing girl. She doesn't know he is a liar and a cheater. Until she came along, I didn't know he was capable of being a cheater too. Now I do, because he's actually cheating on her with me. I know in my heart that both, she and I deserve better than this guy. However Im not willing to walk away from the sex, familiarity, comfort and bad habit that this guy is to me. Should I tell her about us? I don't know her personally, but I feel I should reach out and tell her what she is getting herself into. What do I do?
I'm the other woman! Usually a strong independent woman i never felt so weak and vulnerable since I was an abused child. This situation is turning me into an mentally abused adult! Im a wreck. I have known my man for years and knew he was in an unfulfilled relationship, my ex went off with someone else and he was my best friend always calling and texting to see how I was and we ended up in in relationship. We stopped having sex because we wanted to see if the relationship was more than that. We both knew it was, we dated did the normal things couples do. He seems to adour me, he looks me in the eye and seems to want to stare at me for hours, he touches me tenderly and seems to want to talk to me all the time. But! Still he makes no move to end the relationship with his girlfriend. I just don't know what to do? He says he needs time to end it with her because she will take it bad! But my hand on heart I think it would have happened by now if it was going to. I hope today is the day I can find the courage to walk away and start the life I am worthy of. It is only me who is allowing this to happen and only me who can stop this self distruction. I found the strenght at 17 to walk away into the world alone and made a success of it. I'll do it again!!!
ReplyDeleteSince August of 2013, I have been the other woman to a man who has had the same girlfriend for 3 years now. My situation has become some awful over the months, but so incredible at the same time. I love him...no scratch that, I'm IN love with him. I feel like he's the one. But then I remember that he has a girlfriend who he WANTS to marry. He tells me he is in love with me too, but a huge factor of why he SAYS we can't be together is because I used to talk to him best friend months before we even met. However, I feel that this is just the perfect excuse to make me feel like it's my fault we can't be together rather than the fact he won't leave his girl.
ReplyDeleteHim and I have been through everything together. I can't imagine a life without him but I can't do this much longer. I am faithful to him; I don't have sex or talk to any other guys. But I have to be OK with him still (obviously) having sex with his girlfriend. So he's getting the best of both situations. It's just now fair...but I still pity myself for trying to leave him.
I'm not sure what to do. The thought of him cheating with his girl with someone else if I leave is too unbearable. I don't want to be replaced but I also don't want to end up being dumped if he wants to marry her (he claims he won't cheat on her when they're married, but who knows).
Any comments or suggestions would help.
im in the same situation.. i believe mine is even worse because he doesn't even want to put a title on the 'relationship' . Sometimes he's very nice and make me feel they've broken up since we never happen to talk about his girlfriend but other times he'll just start acting funny. I see his photos and videos all over his girlfriends instagram page but he never wants to take pictures with me . Ive being trying to walk away for the past 6months but i can't . The pain is unbearable and sometimes i feel he's going to leave me even before i decide to walk away... Please help me!!!
ReplyDeleteIve been in a relationship with my boyfriend for a year and the man ive fallen for has been in a relationship with his girlfriend for two years and they live together. We've been sleeping with each for a month or so now but have been speaking for around 5 months. We were casually sleeping with each other about 3 years ago and kind of lost contact and we were just young.
ReplyDeleteI have never felt such a strong connection with someone and i know he feels it too. But since its early, i just wanted to ask your opinion..do you think I'm heading for heartbreak?
I dont know if he'ĺl leave his girlfriend. He said lets keep hanging and we'll see what happens.
And i dont want to string ny boyfriend along whom i love but am not in love with but this other guy just isnt available to talk of hang..he always seems so busy (with his gf i pressume) and so i tend to go back to my bf which i try breaking up with..but then i get weak due to the uncertainty of the man i love's situation and whether he'll leave her....
I haven't found the will to leave yet but I'm living with him and it's the same situation but I feel maybe if I take consideration it'll change it hurts I know but I'm gonna give it another month
ReplyDeleteWhoa, you hit it dead on the nail. You wrote this in 2013 & here we are in 2016. Your situation, My situation. Feels good to know I'm not the only other woman. I just closed that chapter of my life & walked away with my head held high,though hurt, damaged and abused. Men are creatures of habit and fearful of the unknown. Thank you.
ReplyDeleteThank you for your comment! It always feels good to know you are not the only one!
DeleteYou did the right thing by walking away and the wounds will heal in time :)