When is it too early to start liking someone?
Dating is all too exciting and fun: text
messaging each other every now and then, going out to new places and those
first few kisses… but what happens when you start feeling those first jitters
of actually liking someone? After how long is it normal to start liking
someone? These are the stories of me and my most recent dating experience and Vivi's story. Having two completely contradictory experiences got me thinking on timing and feelings... where do we draw the boundaries between being naive and being cynical?
I
started going out with Gabriel about two weeks ago, after talking to him for a
week before that. I haven’t been in the dating game for a long time; I spent a
long time in an emotional mess with Mat and it took me a few good months to get
over that as well. So the moment I decided to start dating again I never
thought that I would actually like someone. I remember telling Sarah “Even if I
want to find someone to like in such a short time after breaking it off with
Mat, I don’t think I can. I’ve been through so much with him that I think I’m
emotionally exhausted and it’s impossible for me to get into anything new for a
long time”. After I went out with Gabriel for the second time, I knew I started
liking him. This hasn’t happened to me in a long time; in fact last time this
happened to me I was slapped back into reality when I found out he went on nine
dates in three weeks (see When is it too soon to get excited?). That was when I realized I was naïve
and decided to never do that again. Even though is all too nice to start liking
someone after so much time, I can’t help but wonder: when is it too soon to
like someone? Two weeks before I started seeing Gabriel, my friend Vivi started
seeing Aaron. She went on a number of dates with him and she even spent the
night with him, but even after that she still wasn’t sure how she felt. I
recall her telling to me: “I should have known how I feel about him by now
right? He said he likes me and I had to say I’m not sure yet, give me some
time..” After listening to my friend’s story I felt even more naïve for liking
someone so quickly. I guess after all the disappointment I’ve been through with
Mat, I don’t want to be disappointed again.
This afternoon I had a long conversation with
Vivi, who told me that she broke it off with Aaron, because if she didn’t like
him after a month of going out, she never would. I thought it was the right
thing to do, but I couldn’t get the whole thing out of my mind for the rest of
the day: we throw away guys because we think that a month is too long to
decided whether we like them or not and we are scared because we start liking
someone in less than a month…. Where do we draw the line? Is there a time limit
that you are supposed to decided whether you like them or not, or is it gut
instinct? Where do we draw the line between being cynical and being naive?
As much as we try, I don’t think anyone can
define or put a limit on their feelings. You don’t feel something because you
have to; it’s not rational and most of the time our feelings just appear at the
worst possible timing. I never thought that I would like someone after Mat, at
least for a year or so, but I have and no one is to say this is wrong or not.
You don’t need to try to decide what you feel because it’s about time you do,
just like Vivi did, and you don’t need to feel naïve because you like someone
too early, just like I did. After thinking about it, even Vivi had to admit “It’s
not about time, it’s about how intense it feels to be with the other person”
and she is right. At the end of the day, maybe I am naïve and maybe Vivi was
too cynical as well. Maybe I’m about to have yet another disappointment, but I
don’t mind. People will let us down many times, whether we like it or not… so
why shouldn’t it be the same when it comes to dating? We should just take our
chances and even if we make mistakes, that’s the only way to learn… and who
knows, you might be in for a nice surprise after all!
Did you ever like someone too fast? How did it end up? Comment and let me know!
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