Let me just say, from the very beginning, that when it come to this question I’m an absolute NO NO NO! However, there seems to be a great debate whether a couple can break up and still remain friends. Many people would tell me ‘Yes, it’s perfectly possible’, so after I broke up with Garrick, a guy I used to be in a (rather short) relationship with, I decided that I could try to remain friends with him, even if I never really thought it would be possible… Well, I was right, it was a complete disaster!

  I met Garrick through a group of common friends about a year after I came to London. He was a nice guy and we immediately hit it off. We had a nice relationship for as long as it lasted, it was easy going and laid back, we had fun, not very serious. It all lasted about five months. Garrick was a nice, easy going guy, a great laugh and the kind of person you would love to have with you on a night out in town.  We would go out for drinks, dinner, dancing or stay in with good food and a movie and we would still have a great time! Even though I very much liked Garrick we broke up about 5 months later due to too much fighting. We decided to break it off before it was too late and all the good memories were replaced from our fights. I was quite sad after it ended, but I knew it was for the best. And then I made the oh so unforgivable mistake of suggesting we stay friends! Seriously, what was I thinking? I knew it would be a disaster the minute I heard the words come out of my mouth!

I always knew why two people are not meant to be friends after they break up. For some unknown reason though I decided that maybe it could work out. Well, every single theory I had about why two people should never be friends after they break up, came out to be true (surprise surprise!!). Firstly, being friends with someone should be easy, effortless and not awkward and complicated. Every time Garrick and I decided to meet up as friends, even with other friends around, it was just plain awkward. We would exchange a couple of words and then look the other way or start fidgeting nervously. The most extensive conversation we would have would be about the weather or my studies or his work, but that was about it. And of course we would never look each other straight in the eyes.  Besides the whole awkwardness, for me being friends with an ex is basically like being together, but without sex. If the relationship was never very serious and it was more like an easy going fun relationship where you just like to spend time with each other, but not live together (like my relationship with Garrick), then nothing changes besides the fact that you are not having sex anymore.

 Another reason for opposing the ‘friends with an ex’ situation is the fact that you might ‘slip’ once and sleep with them again! Now, just to be sure that this is definitely a reason for NOT being friends with an ex, I had to test my luck there as well; so when one night we went out with a group of friends and Garrick happened to be there, after one too many drinks we ended up back at my place… just the two of us. We both realized what a big mistake that was the next morning, but by then it was too late. Now, there are two reasons of why you should never have sex with an ex: if it’s good then you are reminded of what you lost and you just start missing him and possibly wanting to get back together. And if it’s bad, well you just had sex with an ex, which makes you seem the sad girlfriend that can’t get over him. When guys do it though, it’s never considered to be much of a deal. If anything, it gives them credit for ‘winning the girl’ all over again.  

 And of course, there is always the matter of jealousy! What happens when one of the two meets someone else? Will you get jealous? Will you be fine with it? And let’s say that maybe, just maybe, you have absolutely no problem with him dating someone else; how much more complicated would that make the friendship between you two? And worse of the worst, will you be able to talk about their new relationship like friends are supposed to? I really don’t have an answer for that, because Garrick and I decided that being friends wasn't a good idea after we slept together that night. I wish him the best and hope he is happy, but not keeping contact with him was the best decision for both of us!  

  It is my personal belief that a break up between two people comes about because they need their distance from each other, they need time for themselves. If two people remain friends after they break up then nothing changes. Even though it is clear to me how two former lovers can never remain friends, when it comes to relationships, I couldn't help but wonder: why is it that it’s possible to turn a friendship into a relationship, but not do the reverse? Maybe it’s nature’s twisted way of making us push some people out of our lives in order to let new ones in; or maybe it’s the fact that if you broke up with someone to begin with then you know he’s no good for you, so you choose not to have him in your life! Whatever the reason is however, you should know that being friends with an ex might be good in theory, it might also seem easy when it first starts, but it’s always an excuse to keep someone next to you that you are not ready to let go off – someone that you know you can’t work it out with so you choose the next best thing in order to keep them next to you. Unfortunately, it never turns out to be good news!!

 Did you manage to stay friends with an ex? Did you make an attempt and failed? Comment and let me know! Also don’t forget to contact me with your own stories that I can use for future posts at livefornow1992@gmail.com.

CLICK HERE to like my facebook page and never miss an update from the blog and many more!! 
Also, don't forget to follow the blog on BLOGLOVIN! <a href="http://www.bloglovin.com/blog/8213375/?claim=kjkzdgfcha7">Follow my blog with Bloglovin</a>

  

 You have to excuse my delay for this post but life has been hectic these days. With exams over and summer preparations I hardly found time to research for the material of my next post. But, I haven’t forgotten, and spent the past few days carrying out a sort of experiment for this post. As you can see from the title of the post I’m going to try and explore the issue that most women drive themselves crazy over and put the maximum effort possible to look their best, in order to get a guy…. Those women also, falsely, think that that’s all it takes! Well I’m here to prove them wrong!

   Last week I decided that I’m running out of material for my blog, so I did what I had to for some research, I decided to start dating again. I called Sandra out for a drink, put on a nice dress, pretty make up and went for a drink. I thought that going out somewhere near Liverpool Street around 6ish would probably guarantee me a date for the weekend. But when I got there and started a pleasant conversation with my friend I realized that I wasn’t very into looking for guys, I preferred to just sit and have a drink with a friend. So I said to myself “Maybe if I’m lucky someone will come and talk to me and I won’t have to get out of my way tonight to meet someone”. However after a couple of hours, it turned out to be more of a girls-night out. When Sandra had to go, I was a bit tired, but decided to stay and have another drink and maybe find someone I like for a date this weekend. That didn’t turn out so well and I kept wondering what was wrong. I had worn my nice dress, had my hair and make up nicely done, but no one would come and talk to me. I’m not saying that I’m expecting that every time I go out someone will come and talk to me, but (not to brag) I’m used to finding someone for a chat and a drink whenever I feel like it. An hour later I decided that it was game over so I dragged my tired ass home, without any material for the next post or a date! I thought to myself that it was bad luck, but I would be able to get a date probably in the next few days, so I didn’t look much into it.

  It wasn’t until two days afterwards when I was invited to a friend’s place for dinner that I realized what went wrong the night before. I was invited to Vivi’s place for home-cooked dinner and a nice movie, so thinking it was just a girls night, I put on an old pair of jeans and a shirt, no make up, hair tied back and wore my glasses, but I didn’t care; if I was going to spend the evening in I might as well be comfortable. It wasn’t until I arrived at her house that I realized that she had another two friends over; two tall, brunette guys that apparently were her flatmate’s friends. I’m not one to turn down company, so I figured the more the merrier, we could hang out and watch a movie all together. Imagine my surprise when by the end of the night one of them asked me out. I actually had to ask him if he was serious! What was he thinking? I was dressed in rugs, my hair looked as if I had just woken up and I was even wearing my glasses. Even though we had a great time hanging out that night, I had to reject the date, because he just wasn’t my type; it would be really wrong of my to lead him on. Later that night, once I got back home, I couldn’t help but wonder: Why was it that someone was willing to ask me out even though I was dressed in little more than rugs? And why was it that when I was dressed up with perfect hair no one asked me out? Could it be that  the first impression men get does not come from looks?  Thinking about it now I realized there’s something much more important than looks – body language!! The night that I went out with Sandra, I was only interested in having a nice time with my girlfriend and even when she left I was not in the mood to actually flirt, so my body language was uninviting and distant. I would look in my drink, or look around bored, maybe take a quick peek at my watch from time to time. Honestly, who would approach someone that looks like that? On the other hand, the night that I spent in Vivi’s house, even though I wasn’t looking for a date I was smiling and relaxed and in wanted to be around good company; so my body language was inviting, warm and relaxed. After I spent years and years trying to look my best every time I was going on a date with someone I suddenly realized that it takes a lot less than that to impress someone!

    However, do not let my conclusion mislead you! Dressing up and looking your best is not bad at all! Most women dress up because they like it and because it boosts their confidence – that’s the reason I do it. But, when it comes to actually trying to impress someone, it’s not so much how much lipstick you have on but exactly how you are sitting when talking to him! For instance, if you have your back to him and you just turn your head sideways to talk to him then it looks as if you are not interested at all. If you are sitting exactly opposite him and facing him straight then you are making him feel like he’s about to close a business deal. The right way to face a man that you want to make an impression on or flirt with, is sit facing him, but tilt your body slightly sideways! What your body language says now: I like you enough to actually sit on only one of my ass cheeks and wake up tomorrow with back pain (well, that was mostly free style translation but you get the meaning)!

  That was just an example of how your body language can be inviting to someone and not distant or indifferent (yes I’ve done my homework on that one).           So ladies, by all means keep dressing up, styling up your hair and having the perfect make up, but when it comes to meeting someone remember that all of that wouldn’t matter if you actually don’t have the right attitude and the right body language. And of course if you do have the body language, the perfect appearance is an extra bonus for the lucky guy ;)

 I actually read into the whole body language issue when it comes to dating so feel free to comment and ask me questions about it. Also, tell me your general thoughts on the subject and don’t forget to like my facebook page! CLICK HERE for the facebook page! 

Again apologies for the late upload of this post, will try not to repeat it! J