Being the other woman
I have
a list of all the blog posts I am doing, one right after the other… and this
one was nowhere on the list. I had to write this post though because of what I
realized today. My most popular article is by far ‘Will he ever leave hisgirlfriend for you?’ and you will not believe how many people read that each
day… and how many emails I receive asking me about that. I was under the
impression that I’m one of the few girls that experienced what it’s like being
the other woman and thinking he will leave his girlfriend for me. But I just
found out otherwise. I get emails on a
daily basis, all asking me the same thing in a hundred different ways: ‘He said
he loves me…’ , ‘He doesn’t love his wife anymore, he said he’ll leave her…’,
‘He is staying with her for a little while longer because she’s going through a
rough patch’, and the list is endless. They all finish with the same question
however: ‘Do you think he will leave her
for me?’… It just breaks my heart every time I have to answer the same thing to
them: ‘No he won’t!’
I decided to write this post to all those
women out there, who think that he will leave his girlfriend for them and who
are, what is commonly known as, the 'other woman'. I know exactly how you feel
and I know how hard it is. I’ve been through that and I’m still not over it,
but we can’t keep telling ourselves the same lie over and over again because we
think something is going to change. It’s not easy to admit, but here is what it
feels like being the other woman:
1.
You will always come second: I know how bad this is. But
whatever happens, he’s going to put his girlfriend/wife first. He will run to
her first, he will cancel on you with the first little thing that might come up
that will involve her. He might
genuinely love you, he might even love you more than her, but she’s the
priority.
2.
There’s so much sneaking around: It just feels like you are doing
something illegal ALL the time!! You meet up with him after midnight, you have
to leave before the sun comes up, he can’t take a call from you in public, and
he can’t even answer a text from you most of the time. You probably can’t call
him most of the time because he doesn’t want you to do so, in case someone else
is there and sees it. It’s infuriating, it’s humiliating and frankly it’s exhausting!
3.
You are ‘the other girl’: Whatever happens, even if he breaks
up with his girlfriend at some point (which won’t happen for the reasons you
are hoping it will), you will always be the other girl. You will be the girl
that he cheated on with. No one will approve of you in his world. If he can’t
have his friend’s or family’s approval your relationship will never last. And
even if you don’t care about what others think, deep inside he thinks that way
too: You were the woman that didn’t mind sleeping with someone who was in
another relationship.
4.
Are we really that special? Let me tell you, Mat said he loved
me more than her. And I know I probably shouldn’t have believed him, but I did.
But even if he meant it, two years ago I was nothing. I was just a girl, out of
anyone he could have chosen, that he was sleeping with. And it sounds bad, but
I said ok because I didn’t care. I wanted to have a good time… never in a
million years did I think it would lead me here! So no, he didn’t choose me. I just happened
to be there, I wasn’t even that special. But I was there for way too long, so
we ended up getting attached.
5.
We are sharing him: I don’t know why this didn’t come
up earlier on the list. But this is the most tragic part! While for us the idea
of sleeping with someone while we are so deeply attached to them is just
unimaginable, he is more than conveniently sleeping with his girlfriend and
there is nothing we can do about it! We know it’s happening even though we
might not be admitting it to ourselves. We love them so much, we pretend it’s
not even an issue, but it is. It’s the biggest issue in the whole fucked up
situation.
6.
We know this will end up bad: we know we will get hurt.
Subconsciously we do, even though we don’t admit it even to ourselves! We hope
and dream and we get so caught up in it, that we forget that what awaits for us at
the end of the tunnel, it’s not light, it’s hell! It’s just more and more pain,
on top of the pain of being the other woman. It’s a pain that we know it’s
unavoidable, but we put it off as long as we can by staying there, being the
other woman.
In a nutshell, that’s how the other woman feels. It’s horrible and
painful and we are so addicted to the exquisite pain of wanting someone so
unavailable to us that we tend to overlook all the disadvantages. I know how
amazing and heartbreaking it can feel at the same time. At this point I need to
repeat myself and say how shocked I was by how many people are in the same
position as I was. I feel every single woman’s pain that emails me and asks me
about that. It just breaks me to have to tell her ‘he will never leave her’,
but I have to be honest with you. I have to let you know that he won’t and you
can postpone the pain of leaving him all you want…. But just know that you
can’t avoid it.
Does any of you have anything to add to my list? Is there something I
left out? Comment and tell me how you feel. CLICK HERE TO LIKE MY FACEBOOK PAGE
Note: There was a problem with the comments section, but now it’s fixed
and you can comment anonymously if you want!
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