Will he ever leave his girlfriend for you?
I have to admit that one of the main reasons for not posting so
often is the fact that I have been in a mess for the past one and a half
months. Frankly being a dating blogger and giving so many advices on dating
should mean that I know what I’m saying, but when it comes to this post… I
honestly don’t know where I’m standing. But, I realized that I can make my
mistakes over and over again, and still learn from them each time… so I’m about
to tell you about another of my big mistakes.
It’s
been about a month and a half since I came back home for summer holidays and
naturally I had to dive into yet another love-story-gone-wrong. I hope you remember Mat (if not then see, Just sex… Or something more?), because Mat turned out to be the highlight of this
summer’s love failure. Of course he had to call me as soon as I came back, I
was expecting that; what I wasn’t expecting was the fact that I ran to him as
soon as he called! I should have known better, I’ve been down that road before!
And I could sense trouble from the very first time that we met up… once you
develop feelings for your fuck buddy things go wrong…. Wait a minute, scratch
that: once you develop feelings for someone who is in a relationship things are
bound to go wrong! Yes, you heard that one well: Mat is now in a relationship! So
what on earth am I doing with him? I guess when you fall in love with someone
reason has no part in the whole process. And so meet up we did, but this time I
wasn’t going to put up with him being in a relationship… That’s another thing I’ve
done before and I’m not willing to go through that pain again… So I chose to
give him an ultimatum: "You leave her or I leave you". It wasn’t so simple though:
I was going over and over it in my mind for weeks and when I finally said it,
it was more like begging than threatening…
The thing is, I’m not one to threaten because when it comes to telling
someone to leave their girlfriend: either he lives her and then at every little
obstacle he just brings up the topic and you are the bitch that made him leave
his girlfriend or he doesn’t, and then you are the bitch that wanted him to
leave his girlfriend… either way it’s never a good thing. However, this time I
had to tell Mat to leave her, mostly because it hurts me too much…. It’s
excruciating imagining that he’s with someone else when he’s not with me, when
I know that he won’t go out with me because he’s scared of someone seeing us together or when we have to meet him in the middle of the night when it’s too late for his
girlfriend to show up uninvited. Of course you would think: anyone in their
right mind would never get into this mess in the first place… but then again,
how many of you have fallen in love and followed what your brain said instead
of your heart?
Even
though I did the unforgivable: asking him to leave his girlfriend (honestly
what right do I have breaking up two people? But to my defense: a) he’s been
thinking to break up for a while and b) I fell so in love with him it seemed
like the only possible solution..) I knew how it should be played in order to maximize
my chances of winning him over: no pressure, give him time, make him miss you,
be positive, show him you care… And actually I did that.. for the first three
weeks! After that I started getting impatient, asking him more often,
pressuring him… and even though I tried to hide it I used to cry almost every
day for him, I would lock myself in my room and just cry my eyes out until my
eyes burnt and I had literally ran out of tears. Looking back at it now: Was he
actually worth so many tears? Did I let my desire to live with him what I
missed all the while I was away get bigger than him? Did he disappoint me, not
because of his own fault, but because of my vast expectations? Relationship or
no relationship, and regardless his feelings for me, Mat was never available
for a relationship with me… and I wasn’t either.
It’s been almost 6 weeks since I asked him to break up with
his girlfriend and he still hasn’t decided… By now I know he won’t leave her, I
just can’t bring myself to tell him that I want to ‘break up’ with him once and
for all. Mostly I’m just staying here to confirm my suspicion that he won’t
leave her… If I back up now and later on he decides to live her, I will be
devastated. Even though I know the things he’s contemplating right now, I can
tell you with absolute certainty the reasons why he (and most other men) will
never leave their girlfriend for me (or anyone else out there that hopes the
same as I do):
1. Habit: even if he’s not head over heels with her, you have to give her credit for the one thing she offers him what you don’t
: certainty! Men are creatures of habit, if they are used to her and they can
live their life without much trouble with her, then why leave her? Leaving her
and starting a new relationship with you (or me in this case) would cost them
much more effort than just being with her and having an affair on the side with
you as well. He will never leave the certainty of his girlfriend and dive into
the unknown with us, no matter how much we want to believe in fairy tales.
2. He can have you both, why bother changing that: Like they say, he can have his cake and eat it too! If he can juggle you
both, why would he leave one? It just doesn’t make sense! Why would he change
anything when everything is perfect? He doesn’t feel guilty, he can have his
affair and then go back to his girlfriend and his friends! He has everything
for granted, he will never dream of changing anything.
3. His
friends: In my case this is a huuuuge factor. His current girlfriend is good
friends with many of his friends. And the girlfriends of his friends. If he
broke up with her and jumped into a relationship with me then he would be the
jerk that left the good girl… and of course I would be the bitch that made them
break up. This is another issue that I’m not sure I would be ready to deal
with (when the time is right I promise to write a post on how to handle his friends). But I know this much: I love him enough to give it a go!
Even though I know all the reasons he won’t
leave her, I am just staying here, in desperate hope that he will find one
reason to beat all of the above and choose me over her. I’m reaching for the
stars here, aren’t I? (CLICK HERE to find out what happens with Mat when the
next update comes up!) I know it’s hopeless, but once again I know I’ll have my
heart in pieces and I can’t do anything to stop that. My only choice is to
leave him before he does… not that it’s going to hurt any less. It’s like I’m
watching a car crash happening in slow motion and I can’t do anything to stop
it! Sometimes I have to swallow back my tears when I’m with him and I can feel
the air being sucked out of my lungs whenever he kisses my forehead.. And it’s
all the little things that drive me crazy.. All the little things that I’m
going to have to learn to do without.
All in all, now you know the whole story. I’m not sure what you’ve learn
from it and I’m not sure what I’ve learnt either… but I’m not going to lose
hope: Everything happens for a reason… right? If anyone has any advice on how
to deal with the whole situation please comment and let me know, I’m a bit lost
as you can see. Tell me about any similar experiences you may have had as well,
and please if anyone out there knows someone who left their girlfriends for the
woman he was in an affair with please let me know! I need to know if such men
actually exist! CLICK HERE to like my facebook page and learn first how it
turns out with Mat. Also follow me on bloglovin’ to read the posts as soon as
they come up!
NOTE: Due to the high popularity of this article, I just published a follow up: 'Being the other Woman'. Click on it to read it if you can relate!
Comment and let me know what you think and how you feel! :)
NOTE: Due to the high popularity of this article, I just published a follow up: 'Being the other Woman'. Click on it to read it if you can relate!
Comment and let me know what you think and how you feel! :)
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