I think I’m losing him…
Dear Dating-City-Girl,
I’ve been in this relationship for
two years and the first year or so was the best of my life. He adored me and
never hesitated to show me, he talked to me like my best friend, loved me like
a boyfriend and protected me like I was a child. Of course we had our ups and
downs, but in general he was everything I was looking for. Our relationship was
fiery and full of passion. However, during the last 5 months or so something
changed. It’s weird saying this because we are still together and if I ask
anyone they will say that we are still the same as we were a year ago. But I
can feel the changes; maybe they are perceptible only to me. And it’s all the
little things. I don’t feel like he loves me as before. I feel him drifting
away. He never holds me anymore, he never kisses my forehead, he never caresses
my hair… I know it seems stupid, but I can feel him emotionally drifting away.
I want to find a way for him to love me like he used to. I’m still the same, I
haven’t changed and I still love him the same, I can’t afford to lose him, even
though I can feel like he doesn’t love me as before and we are heading towards
a break up. He never said anything, but I feel it coming.. What do you think I
should do? How can I get him to love me like he used to? I don’t want to lose
him…
Looking forward to your response,
Crazy-In-Love
Dear
Crazy-In-Love,
Thank you
for your question and I know how bad that feels! I also know that sometimes you
might feel like you are going crazy, because nothing changes when you see it as
an outsider, but you know, deep inside, everything changed! A bump in the road
is never good, but this sounds like a lot more than a bump. There’s something
wrong here, but he won’t let you know what’s going on. You should brace
yourself for all possible answers. To begin with, I’m not going to tell you to
go talk to him about it and solve it together.. You don’t need me to tell you
this, you probably either tried to talk to him about it and he said you’re
crazy, or you just know that if you do try to talk to him about it that’s
what’s going to happen. So what you need
to do, is try to win him back all over again. You said in your email to me that
he protected you as if you were a child… and from my experience that’s the key
to most successful relationships. I know it sounds a bit weird, but what you
need to do here is get that back. It is in men’s nature to be the ‘protectors’.
There’s nothing more of a confirmation to their manhood than a girl showing
that she needs them in order to be safe. Don’t confuse this with being needy
however! You need to ‘play with his buttons’ and make him feel like you need
him, but not don’t asphyxiate him. He needs his space, but you have to show him
that he can have that, but that you are there too; that you need him to keep
you safe, to make you whole. If he gets to feel this again, then you’ll start
winning him back all over again.
Now even though my proposed solution is
somewhat hard, it will only work if the relationship is just in a slump, and
not if something is vitally wrong! So what else can be going wrong? Well, you
might need to face the fact that that type of behavior is attributed to the
fact that he might be cheating. I’m definitely not saying he is!! But if he’s
involved with someone else, then this might explain his more distant behavior.
Maybe he feels guilty, so he avoids it, or he started having feelings for
someone else and is distancing himself from you; in which case, you might need
to understand that appealing to his protective side won’t work here. I don’t suggest
that you ask him if he’s cheating, because the chances are very slim and you
might worsen the situation as well. But this should be something you should
keep at the back of your mind and look for other signs of cheating, e.g. late
working nights, smell of female perfume when he enters the house, unreturned
phone calls, etc etc.
Finally, it
might just be the case that he doesn’t love you as much anymore… I know it
sucks, but sometimes it happens. And one of the greatest pains that someone can
feel in a relationship is his love fading away, when you still love him the
same! If that’s the case, then I’m not sure there’s anything you can do to win
him back. If someone stops loving you, then it’s sad and hurts like hell, but
you just have to face it.
If you are
wondering what to do now, and how to know the reason behind his behavior, then
I would suggest starting by appealing to his protective side, and take it from
there. See how that goes and then just keep in mind to check for signs of
cheating (if there are any…). If he just doesn’t love you anymore though,
you’ll soon realize it.. I wish you the best of luck and I hope I helped
Lots of
love,
Dating City
Girl
xoxo
This was fun to research. I would think DC would be a complex city because of the government position -- those who are used to being efficiently successfully effectively properly secured and careful of how they present themselves would be complex to get to know. Plus there are all those young staffers working about. dating
ReplyDeleteIt really does suck - but you are right - it does happen.
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