His Point Of View: ‘Should I leave my girlfriend?’

13:30 Unknown 3 Comments

It’s all so nice and convenient when it’s just us girls talking, giving our opinions to each other, and assuming that every time he will decide not to leave his girlfriend. But this time, I don’t want you to rely on just what I’m saying or my experiences. This time I want to give you a man’s point of view... because it’s one thing to read what I think on the topic, and it’s quite another to think what a man has to say. And because this topic seems to be the most popular one on my website, I was more than thrilled when John emailed me with his dating adventures, which fall along the same lines as most of my readers concerns.  So this is what John wrote to me and what I replied:



Hi-

My name is John. I am 23 years old, and currently a senior in high school. You probably think this is very strange that I am emailing you, but I am in desperate need of help. I went to the damn internet for help, because all my friends are trying to tell me what to do, but I can't help but question what they say. So I am going to tell you my story, and hopefully you can help me out. 


I have been dating this girl for over a year now. She is my best friend, and a really great girlfriend. She is super attractive, nice, outgoing, athletic and funny. She is basically my dream girl. I fell in love with her, and even lost my virginity to her. It's the cliche bullshit you see in the movies. I am one of the captains of our football team, and she is the popular, beautiful girl everyone knows and loves. We are basically that power couple, that everyone always awes over. Now, there is another girl. Her name is Nadia, and my god the sun shines down on that girl. Nadia has this something in her, that nobody I have ever met has. She has this charm to her that just makes you want to talk to her all day. I never get bored of hearing her voice, or looking into her eyes. Nadia and I have been very close friends every since my girlfriend, Helen, and I have been together. I didn't start developing feelings for Nadia till this past September. Over the summer she and I had a really weird talk while we were drunk about what it would be like if were together. Ever since then it has been a constant battle between Nadia and Helen. I love Helen, I really do. But in the past couple of months I have noticed we lost the spark we use to have, we aren't the same couple and we are fighting a lot more. Also, Nadia and I have gotten closer than ever. I sometimes enjoy talking to her more than my own girlfriend. It's bad. I know that. I am basic emotionally cheating on my girlfriend, and if you gave me a couple of shots probably physically very soon. I know Nadia is into me, she tends to get drunk quite a lot and express her feelings over the phone. I am just really torn. I am comfortable with Helen, and I know what we are like. I know what to expect with her, and we know how to deal with one another by now. I think I am more scared of not having someone, I think that is what is holding me back from breaking up with Helen. I don't know if I love Helen anymore, all I know is I can't get Nadia out of my head. Can you please help me out? 



 Hello John,

I can't tell you how glad I am to have received this email from you. You give me a different point of view and something that so many women are worrying about. Despite being in the same situation, you don't want to cheat on your girlfriend and  have an affair with someone else, for both their sakes. And I admire you for that; not many men would choose the high road when it comes to girlfriend and mistress.

Now, deep down you know what I'm going o tell you - do all three of you a favour and leave Helen. It is evident love her, and of course you would after being in a relationship with her and going through so much together, but you are just not in love with her anymore. You are falling for someone else, and there's nothing wrong with that - as long as you are honest with everyone. If you stay with Helen, chances are you will have an affair with Nadia in the end... and this is how it will end up: You won't leave Helen, because you can have them both now, but you will feel torn, about cheating on Helen and about not being able to truly be with Nadia. You will hurt Nadia, more than anyone, because she will be there waiting for you to leave Helen and putting up with everything. And finally, you will hurt Helen too, whether she finds out or not.
 But, if you leave Helen, you will be able to cherish the good moments that you had with her before your relationship deteriorated. You won't end up fighting all the time, like you do now, but you will know that whatever you had was great, but now it's over. You will be able to move on to someone else that you truly like and in the end you will set Helen free to move on, if you are not in love with her.
Finally, I want to thank you for being honest with how you feel. I know it's easy to be with Helen after so much time, and most men fear being alone. But this is life, you have to take a risk or two and it might not always end up where you want it to and you might get hurt somewhere on the way, but it's all part of the experience. You will live through something with Nadia unique and different.. for as long as it lasts. Helen is your comfort zone right now, but magic happens outside your comfort zone.

So all in all, I would advice you to break up with someone that you are not really in love with and be grateful for all the good memories you had together. But it's time for something new and don't be scared; Nadia is someone you like and someone you might end up with and be crazy in love - and there is nothing wrong with this.

Please do email me back if you need anything else, or to tell me if I have helped at all. I really wish everything turns out for the best and you make the right choices for all three of you.


Best wishes,
 Dating City Girl

 For a minute there, I thought everything would turn out great this time. I thought that since
he had asked, he would probably the one man that wouldn’t follow the usual pattern, that he would change it, leave Helen for the girl he has fallen for and all three of them would move on with their lives, happier than before. But, a couple of days later, John replied to my email. Unfortunately, he didn’t fail to fall short of the high expectations that I had, and do the same mistake that all men do: choose comfort. So this is what he said to me:

 Hello-


Thanks for the advice. I am still confused with how I feel, but I am sure that it will work out in the end. I am still with Helen, and I actually just told Nadia that maybe we need to distance ourselves. I don't want to hurt her, she doesn't deserve that. I am sticking with Helen, and seeing how this all plays out. I will of course keep you updated, and yes you can use my email


Thanks for the help
John

As much as I was hoping for one guy to prove me wrong, unfortunately John proved me right. I wanted to believe that at least this time it would be real, he would go for the girl he had fallen for and risk it. But as reality proves it, they never do leave their girlfriends. So there you have it, not just my point of view, but a guy’s point of view as well, who faces the same dilemma.

Did you think my reply was good? What did you think he should have done? COMMENT and let me know! 

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Who's a Perfect Little Girl?

12:06 Unknown 0 Comments

  

This morning I woke up to an email from a girl, asking me how she should behave to make a good impression, and to be ‘girlfriend material’, which, unsurprisingly, got me thinking about being perfect. We always look for Prince Charming, that one perfect guy who will swipe us off our feet and make us ride off into the sunset with him.  But, as idealistic (and unrealistic!) that is, let’s quit talking about Prince Charming for a second, and reflect back on ourselves.

 Which one of you can actually stand up and honestly say she fits the criteria for Cinderella? After reading that email, I was shocked. I thought that by now, all girls of a certain age and dating experience must have realized that the fairy is not exactly coming true with Prince Charming and Cinderella (or Sleeping Beauty for that matter), primarily because both characters simply don’t exist! It seems that a lot of girls have a distorted image of how they should be, and naturally, feel like they fall short of some unrealistic criteria that they impose on themselves. And who’s to blame them? Movies, fairytales and magazines put so much pressure on us, giving us a view of how a girl/woman should look, act, talk to impress and to be considered elegant and desirable. So I don’t know about all of you out there, but if it helps, I will tell you about myself!

  I’m not a princess, in fact I fall from grace with a loud ‘thud’ and probably land on my ass. And that happens a lot. I can’t walk gracefully on heels to save my life; in fact, I trip over completely flat surfaces, even wearing trainers. I will never have the perfect hair for all occasions; in fact, my hair is so big and messy that I’m lucky to get it under control most days. I will never have the perfect body and I don’t even need to, I’m not going to be on Next Top Model. Most of the time I’ll just say the first thing that comes to my mind without even thinking, which more often than not, is extremely embarrassing... but honestly who cares! I’m not going out trying to be a Princess, I will laugh my heart out and not care if everyone is staring if I feel like it. In fact, I believe that if I had to identify myself with someone, it would be Bridget Jones. Having watched that movie more than 50 times, I can see myself in so many things, that I feel like I’m laughing at myself every time. And I don’t even care. I will say one thing and mean another, I will embarrass myself, throw my Marlborough lights a million times in the drain before I finally manage to quit smoking, spend whole days in my bed just because I’m bored to get up and get dressed. I will binge eat every time I get nervous, wear a mismatching pair of socks and definitely not always have perfectly shaved legs. And the list goes on and on, but my point is that there is no such thing as a perfect little girl, that will make men go crazy for her because she simply fits all the criteria.

  Let’s face it: there will always be people that will turn us down, no matter how you look, sound, wear, etc. And for the reader that emailed me, if your goal is to impress with who you are, how can you judge who you should be, if there will always be people that won’t like you? So what does it even matter? And it’s so exhausting trying to be someone that you are not, it’s just not worth the trouble. And frankly, who would want that? There are not many people like you in this world, so instead of spending time trying to  impress other people, how about doing things to impress yourself? Maybe instead of trying to be ever so elegant, try to learn a new skill, a new language, or write a paper. It doesn’t matter, as long as it pleases you.



  And keeping all the instances that we fall short of the princess criteria, how about stop looking for Prince Charming? If we are not perfect, and no one said we should be, why is it that we keep looking for a perfect guy? Imagine how much better this world would be, if we found that one guy who is perfect for us and love him to the point that it doesn’t even matter anymore? Maybe I sound too idealistic now, but having fallen hard for two guys who definitely were not Prince Charming, with the standards that most women set, I learnt that it doesn’t matter. Because in the end, when you fall for someone, you will realise he’s probably far from meeting the criteria that you had set before falling in love, but you won’t care at all. And the sooner all girls realise this, the better. Just as you are not perfect, stop looking for that perfect guy who is going to look like Brad Pitt and behave like Edward Cullen. Who wants that? I wouldn’t fall for anyone like that, it’s just simply creepy - and I don't want to risk the 'glowing' part! Besides, the whole point of falling in love with someone is falling for all of their imperfections that seem perfect to you.

So to the reader that emailed me this morning asking how she can be the ‘perfect girl’ and to all of you out there who have this question: that girl does not exist! You are perfect just the way you are. You have flaws but so does everyone. And learn to love them, because how else do you expect someone else to do so if you can’t do it yourself? Learn to love yourself before expecting someone else to do that, and everything else will fall into place. Because afterall, the most important relationship, the most complex one and significant one is the one you have with yourself; and if you find someone to love you for that, then that’s just fabulous!


 What do you think? Is there a way that a girl should act, dress, talk to impress? Or is it better to just be yourself? Comment and let me know!

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