His Point Of View: ‘Should I leave my girlfriend?’
It’s
all so nice and convenient when it’s just us girls talking, giving our opinions
to each other, and assuming that every time he will decide not to leave his
girlfriend. But this time, I don’t want you to rely on just what I’m saying or
my experiences. This time I want to give you a man’s point of view... because
it’s one thing to read what I think on the topic, and it’s quite another to
think what a man has to say. And because this topic seems to be the most
popular one on my website, I was more than thrilled when John emailed me with
his dating adventures, which fall along the same lines as most of my readers
concerns. So this is what John wrote to
me and what I replied:
Hi-
My name is John. I am 23 years old, and currently a senior in high
school. You probably think this is very strange that I am emailing you, but I
am in desperate need of help. I went to the damn internet for help, because all
my friends are trying to tell me what to do, but I can't help but question what
they say. So I am going to tell you my story, and hopefully you can help me
out.
I have been dating this girl for over a year now. She is my best friend,
and a really great girlfriend. She is super attractive, nice, outgoing,
athletic and funny. She is basically my dream girl. I fell in love with her,
and even lost my virginity to her. It's the cliche bullshit you see in the
movies. I am one of the captains of our football team, and she is the popular,
beautiful girl everyone knows and loves. We are basically that power couple,
that everyone always awes over. Now, there is another girl. Her name is Nadia,
and my god the sun shines down on that girl. Nadia has this something in her,
that nobody I have ever met has. She has this charm to her that just makes you
want to talk to her all day. I never get bored of hearing her voice, or looking
into her eyes. Nadia and I have been very close friends every since my
girlfriend, Helen, and I have been together. I didn't start developing feelings
for Nadia till this past September. Over the summer she and I had a really
weird talk while we were drunk about what it would be like if were together.
Ever since then it has been a constant battle between Nadia and Helen. I love Helen,
I really do. But in the past couple of months I have noticed we lost the spark
we use to have, we aren't the same couple and we are fighting a lot more. Also,
Nadia and I have gotten closer than ever. I sometimes enjoy talking to her more
than my own girlfriend. It's bad. I know that. I am basic emotionally cheating
on my girlfriend, and if you gave me a couple of shots probably physically very
soon. I know Nadia is into me, she tends to get drunk quite a lot and express
her feelings over the phone. I am just really torn. I am comfortable with Helen,
and I know what we are like. I know what to expect with her, and we know how to
deal with one another by now. I think I am more scared of not having someone, I
think that is what is holding me back from breaking up with Helen. I don't know
if I love Helen anymore, all I know is I can't get Nadia out of my head. Can
you please help me out?
Hello John,
I can't tell you how glad I am to have received this email from you. You
give me a different point of view and something that so many women are worrying
about. Despite being in the same situation, you don't want to cheat on your
girlfriend and have an affair with someone else, for both their sakes.
And I admire you for that; not many men would choose the high road when it
comes to girlfriend and mistress.
Now, deep down you know what I'm going o tell you - do all three of you
a favour and leave Helen. It is evident love her, and of course you would after
being in a relationship with her and going through so much together, but you
are just not in love with her anymore. You are falling for someone else, and
there's nothing wrong with that - as long as you are honest with everyone. If
you stay with Helen, chances are you will have an affair with Nadia in the
end... and this is how it will end up: You won't leave Helen, because you can
have them both now, but you will feel torn, about cheating on Helen and about
not being able to truly be with Nadia. You will hurt Nadia, more than anyone,
because she will be there waiting for you to leave Helen and putting up with
everything. And finally, you will hurt Helen too, whether she finds out or not.
But, if you leave Helen, you will be able to cherish the good
moments that you had with her before your relationship deteriorated. You won't
end up fighting all the time, like you do now, but you will know that whatever
you had was great, but now it's over. You will be able to move on to someone
else that you truly like and in the end you will set Helen free to move on, if
you are not in love with her.
Finally, I want to thank you for being honest with how you feel. I know
it's easy to be with Helen after so much time, and most men fear being alone.
But this is life, you have to take a risk or two and it might not always end up
where you want it to and you might get hurt somewhere on the way, but it's all
part of the experience. You will live through something with Nadia unique and
different.. for as long as it lasts. Helen is your comfort zone right now, but magic
happens outside your comfort zone.
So all in all, I would advice you to break up with someone that you are
not really in love with and be grateful for all the good memories you had
together. But it's time for something new and don't be scared; Nadia is someone
you like and someone you might end up with and be crazy in love - and there is
nothing wrong with this.
Please do email me back if you need anything else, or to tell me if I
have helped at all. I really wish everything turns out for the best and you
make the right choices for all three of you.
Best wishes,
Dating City Girl
For a minute there, I thought everything would
turn out great this time. I thought that since
Hello-
Thanks for the advice. I am still confused with how I feel, but I am
sure that it will work out in the end. I am still with Helen, and I actually
just told Nadia that maybe we need to distance ourselves. I don't want to hurt
her, she doesn't deserve that. I am sticking with Helen, and seeing how this
all plays out. I will of course keep you updated, and yes you can use my email
Thanks for the help
John
As much as I was hoping for one guy to prove
me wrong, unfortunately John proved me right. I wanted to believe that at least
this time it would be real, he would go for the girl he had fallen for and risk
it. But as reality proves it, they never do leave their girlfriends. So there
you have it, not just my point of view, but a guy’s point of view as well, who
faces the same dilemma.
Did you think my reply was good? What did you
think he should have done? COMMENT and let me know!
Habits are hard to break! I would hate to be someone's habit. I think he needs to grow some and take a minute of solitude to figure himself out without Helen and Nadia. Maybe some time and distance from both of them will help him determine which girl he really can't be without. He's young so he's not gonna know how to keep it as real as possible. I just hope he doesn't figure it out years later after marriage and kids are involved.
ReplyDeleteI completely agree with you. Sometimes everyone just needs to step back and take a break. It helps clear the mind and makes you see the situation more clearly without all your emotions taking over.
DeleteI have fallen for a guy (from out of town) I met, who has a girlfriend. I only found that out later but thankfully nothing had happened between us except for him visiting me a few times. When I found out I immediately told him I'm not interested and he does not know what he wants so he needs to figure it out and that we can just remain nothing but friends.
ReplyDeleteThere is this crazy chemistry between us and he is actually moving to my town. I have no idea what this means. Probably nothing.
We call and chat almost everyday. He says he wants to be with me & rationally I know this is bull. If he wanted to be with me he would.
I have a problem letting go that is why I said we can remain friends. I know this is not a good idea but I cannot let go of him completely. I will never be his chick on the side. I'm stubborn and level headed like that or has at least some sense.
Today like some stalker lady I googled: Will he leave his girlfriend for me?
Why does my heart still believe this could happen while my brain tells me it will not?
My heart tells me :1)He said he has always loved me. {We went to the same schools even though we were never friends. He was a few years before me & I was typical skinny outcast super smart nerdy chick and he was very popular and a rebel. Have no idea how he even knew I was alive and funny enough when we met I had no idea who he was}
My heart also tells me
2) He is moving to be closer to me. Actual have concrete prove that he is moving to my town soon.
3) We have this amazing chemistry and we can talk about anything and nothing.
I am a pretty level headed girl but this still has me twisted in knots and with him I play carefree. I am now on a camping trip with a group of hot guys and instead of being with them I'm on here going on about him while ignoring his texts.