The Lighter Side of Breaking Up by Dating Disasters and Delights
I'm very excited to have a guest blog from Dating Disasters and Delights, thank you very much for your contribution and I hope you all enjoy this post! I know I did!! Let me know what you think in the comments section!
Sixteen year old boys are not usually known
for discussing their emotions with anyone- especially not their mother. So, I
was pleasantly surprised when my son sent me a text message of a personal
nature recently. My son could be
described as a late bloomer, and has just recently started dating a young
lady. They went to homecoming together,
and, according to his text message to me, he kissed her there for the first
time. When I asked him how it was, his
reply brought tears to my eyes: “better than ice cream”. My tears were not only
for his innocent romanticism, but also because I can foresee the awful
heartbreak that is inevitably coming his way.
Heartbreak sucks. I remember my first like it was yesterday
(see Dear
Thirteen Year Old Me), and it still stings a bit to remember almost thirty
years later. The sad thing is that I
know there is nothing I can do to prepare him for what is coming, just as I was
unprepared to have my heart broken again recently (see Psycho-Chicks
and the Men that Create Them). I know that break ups are part of life, and
that enduring them is the only way to grow stronger, but, the mom in me knows
that I’m going to have to be restrained from killing this girl when she hurts
my boy. (Disclaimer in case she dies in some mysterious manner- I’m not guilty
and I’m sure I have an alibi!)
But, break-ups don’t always have to be so
awful. Here, I list some of the
not-so-heartbreaking reasons that my relationships have ended:
1.
Inappropriate laughter. I once broke up
with a very nice (if kinda boring) man simply because he laughed out loud in
the movie theater when a character said the words, “scrambled eggs”.
2.
Driving too slowly in the left lane. I
broke up with a man once because his driving habits made me feel like I was
perpetually stuck in traffic.
3.
Olfactory offenses. I broke up with a very handsome,
internationally educated man because his fingers smelled like onions. It made
me gag.
4.
Chair dancing. I broke up with a man who
was trying to get his groove on by bopping his head to the beat. He looked like
a dashboard bobble head, goofy grin included.
Very unsexy.
5.
Having a Velcro wallet. I think this one
is self-explanatory.
6.
Driving a scooter. And bragging about it.
7.
Admitting to being a felon. There’s not
a better way to chase me away than to admit to vehicular manslaughter. (See Tips
for Success with Women or What NOT to do on a First Date).
8.
Missing teeth. Unless you are a professional hockey player,
showing me that you can remove your teeth is disgusting and will cause me not
to date you. Ever.
9.
Posturing. I ended a relationship that I
had been pursuing for a long time, because the man referred to me as his
property. Actually, he told a man who
hit on me in a bar that, “nobody pisses in his cornflakes”. Charming. Not.
10.
Bringing up farm animals. In whatever
context you might think it’s a good idea to compare a girl to a pig, horse,
goat, or cow, I can assure you that it’s not.
So, there you have
it. For every heartbreaking reason that a relationship ends, there could be a
more ridiculous reason than you have ever considered. And, I wonder why I’m
single….
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Hello there. Thank you for your comment and your kind words. This specific article is actually the work of the lovely Jillian from Dating Disasters and Delights. You can read more from her blog form this link: http://datingdisastersanddelights.com/
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