The Awkwardness of Online Dating
I was never one to date
online. I never liked the idea of it. But after moving to London and realizing
that online dating has become even more common than picking up guys at bars I
realized that I needed to reconsider. If some of you have doubts about online
dating, then I know what you are thinking: what if he’s not the guy on the
photos from his profile? What if he’s dangerous? What if he gets disappointed
when he sees me? And the list goes on and on. But, living in world where our
lunch gets instangrammed and our broken heart gets promoted through sad quotes on everyone’s facebook newsfeed… why not date online as well? So after I met a happily
married couple from an online dating website I thought I should give it a shot
(Even if it doesn’t work out I would still do it in the name of research!). I decided I would meet someone, chat them
online and then meet up with them just to see how awkward online dating would be!
It didn’t take long for me to get accustomed
to the website (I won’t give a name, this is no promotion of any particular
website) and from there on I started chatting guys up or they would start
chatting me up. Truth is, I am picky and I see lots of mistakes while online
dating, which I will soon make a post out of. So for me to start talking to
guys it meant that I really liked what I saw and read and that they didn’t seem
weird (which is extremely common when online dating!). I met Jacob about three
weeks into online dating and it didn’t take long for us to start talking on a
daily basis. After a week or so of online chatting we decided to exchange
numbers and the conversation went on there, and I must say it was quite
pleasant. I usually lose interest in guys an hour after I start talking to
them (I know it’s really bad!). It wasn’t long until we
decided to meet up. I said ok when he suggested a day but as the day got closer
I got anxious and scared… what if he’s someone else? What if I’m in danger?
What if he doesn’t like me and he turns around and walks away?... I was about
to cancel on him because I was too scared but then I realized that it’s stupid
and I might as well get it over with.
However, you I need to emphasize that
STRANGER DANGER IS REAL and you need to take precautions for that: meet at a
public place and trust your instinct when it comes to these things. If your gut
tells you that you are not safe with this person then go with it! Leave immediately!
Besides that, the rest of the fears are usually a lot more superficial.
So we
met up in a public place for a drink. At first it was a bit awkward and we
shook hands and I felt like I was on a job interview… but then again every first
date is like a job interview. We stayed for a couple of hours, trying to learn
more about each other, but it was nothing remarkable. I would have forgotten
the whole day if there wasn’t one little thing that freaked me out in a way.
The guy lied about his ethnicity. When I asked where he was from he said he was
English. I knew he didn't look English, but I didn’t question it. When we
met up and started talking about families he mentioned where his family was
from (I don’t want to mention it here, for privacy reasons) and he just said
that he lived a long time in England. Now don’t get me wrong, I have no problem with wherever he was from, but why lie about it? I wouldn’t care if he told me, but
when I realized he lied about it, it put me off immediately. He walked me to
the station when it was time to say goodbye and then it was the awkward moment…
to kiss or not to kiss? I wasn’t sure if I liked him or not, but I
thought ‘what’s one kiss?’ I didn’t know what he was thinking so I just leaned
slightly forward and waited to see his reaction. He leaned in and kissed me
goodnight, we said we would meet again soon and then we never spoke again.
Now I realize that this is not a great story
and there’s nothing remarkable about it, but that was just the first time I met
up with someone through online dating, and I realized there’s nothing to fuss
about. Later when more guys started chatting me up, I talked to someone that
had gone on a lot of online dates and he said ‘it is just like meeting someone
in a bar, it’s no big deal’… and I had to admit he was right! You wouldn’t
blindly trust someone just because you met them once in a bar, and it’s the
same with online dating. After all, if you meet up and you decide you don’t
like them then find an excuse and run for your life (well not run for your
life, but you get the idea!).
Even though my story has nothing remarkable, and
the kiss wasn’t even that good. Sarah met up with probably the best kisser in
the world (according to her!). One late night, she told me over the phone “I
couldn’t stand listening to him one more second so I had to shut him up… turns
out I chose the right way to do it!!” The guy was self-obsessed and adored himself
more than words can say, but at least he knew what to do with his hands and
lips! They spent together an hour and a half and they were in lip-lock for the
bulk of it! They barely talked to each other after that, but when Sarah decided
she wanted to be in a lip-lock with him for another hour she received a reply: “I’ve
been a little messy lately and prefer to be alone for a while..”. It’s
acceptable that he may not want to meet up with her, but come on man! We all go through
personal issues, but if she barely knows you; you better it keep it to yourself! Just say I’m
busy or come up with another lame excuse… on the other hand, despite the
awkward reply, you gotta give it to the guy: he was honest! So Sarah’s first
online date wasn’t exactly a dream come true either, but that’s not the point
here. The point is that both she and I overcame the fear of it and tried it. If
you are one of those people that want to do it but are just too scared and too
hesitant, say to yourself: What do I have to lose? Honestly, absolutely
nothing. As long as you are safe and responsible, then give it a go and see
where it goes. I didn’t meet prince charming, but a really close friend of
mine did, and they’ve been happily married for over 5 years now. And even if
you don’t meet ‘The One’, you’ll meet new people, maybe have a couple of laughs
or maybe sit around and count the minutes until he’s gone, but it’s all part of
the process. It’s all going to be an experience and something to look back at
and laugh later on. Don’t let the ‘awkwardness of online dating’ hold you back!
Give it a go and see what comes out of it. 
All in all, I didn’t meet up with Jacob again
and I don’t online date that much anymore. Maybe I didn’t like Jacob, maybe he was nice
and I’m just not ready to date again or maybe I’m not cut out for online dating…
but at least now I know, I gave it a try and who knows I might go back to it
sometime!
Did you
have any experiences with online dating? Feel free to share them with me and
tell me how it turned out!
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Giving something a try is important - what would make you try online dating again? Do you think a different site might help your experience?
ReplyDeleteI don't think it was a matter of website, I think it has to do with the person individually. You can meet all kinds of people from any website, and it also depends on the state of mind you are as well when you try online dating.
DeleteAs to whether I would try it again, maybe I would. I wouldn't say no, but given that I just started recovering from a break up, maybe I'm not ready to date altogether yet, not just online date. I guess I would try it again, in the future.