Crossing over to the 'wild' side
Love can be a torture... it might bring you
sleepless nights, heartache, tears and it can drive you crazy with jealousy. So
if there was a question, you would definitely answer that love hurts! The
emotional pain that comes with love is an undeniable, and almost inseparable,
part of falling in for someone. But... what happens when we cease to talk about the
emotional pain that comes with love and begin to ponder on the physical pain
that can come with sex. Just to make it clear from the beginning, this post is
strictly about having sex and pushing your boundaries, with consent from both
participants (or potentially more!). This post has nothing to do with any form of abuse in a relationship, without consent.
Having made that clear, I now turn to ask you: when was the last time you pushed your boundaries during sex? If you have to
stop and think about it, it’s probably been too long... or maybe never. As I
have not so recently discovered, magic happens outside your comfort zone....
when it comes to sex as well. It’s definitely true that you never know what you
like and what you don’t until you have tried it; however, there will always be
a few things that you definitely know whether you are curious to try or whether
you will never want to. And pushing your boundaries when it comes to sex is
definitely one of those things. I know that for some of you my story might seem
completely ‘mild’ and for some of you it might seem extreme, but for me... it
was definitely pushing my boundaries.
I started wondering how sex would be if it was
a little more adventurous or a little more painful somewhere around my first
year of sleeping with Mat (see Just sex... or something more?). Sure, Mat would
give me the occasional ‘tug of the hair’, which I liked, but he never went
beyond that. Naturally, when I asked him one night to try pulling a bit harder,
he jumped right into it without thinking too much about it. Not long after
that, pulling my hair, which seemed more than enough before, was not sufficient
to satisfy my curiosity. It was around that time that I asked Mat to try
spanking me... and to my pleasant surprise I found out that the harder he
spanked me, the more I liked it. It wasn’t long before I started asking him to
experiment with more things... Handcuffing, blindfolding, spanking and slapping
in the face, choking... sometimes everything combined. Mat never refused to try
anything I wanted to, and even though he never admitted to it, I believe that
he discovered that he liked the same things when I asked him to try them with
me. I remember myself asking Mat plenty of times to slap me harder, or
choke me, when he was sometimes holding back. I remember plenty of times waking
up the next morning with bruises, but in a way that’s the best part. It’s a
little reminder of the time I had spent with him.
So rough sex, whatever its definition might
be, can be pleasurable and sometimes extreme, but... can it be compatible with
love? If lovemaking is synonymous with gentleness and romanticism, how can
choking and spanking be another way of making love and not just indulging to
our animalistic nature? Can it be, that against popular opinion, slapping and
handcuffing you is another way of showing his love for you? One night,
somewhere between my haze from the time I spent with Mat and the memories that
were keeping me awake, I couldn’t help but wonder... Is there a fine line that
separates lovemaking from pure, wild sex? And if so, why did I feel like I was
falling more and more in love with Mat after every night I spent with him, when
naturally, we had crossed that line long ago? When a few months passed by, I
realized that it didn’t matter how much he hurt me or humiliated me during
sex... what really mattered was that we both liked it. So what if I was
submissive? He loved being the dominant one. And what if I liked pain a little
too much? He liked hurting me. I came to realize that the
distorted relationship I had with Mat, was heavily based on our mutual desire
for pushing our boundaries. You can love someone and still have sex with them
the way you enjoy it. Love making is not all about romanticism; It’s about two
people sharing mutual desires... and from my experience the more extreme the
desires, the more intimate sex becomes.
Where do you draw the line?
If you don’t
know what you like until you have tried it, then it should go without saying
that you don’t know what you don’t like without trying it. At least that’s what
had to happen in order to discover where I draw my line. But because I would
still like to keep some of my privacy when it comes to these things, I will
refrain from narrating that experience. But what I will tell you is this: don’t
be afraid to try out new things; even things you never thought you would be
doing. But keep in mind one thing: most of the time you have to give up control
to someone else in these situations, so make sure you trust the other person
100% before exploring new territories when it comes to sex. Plus, you won’t
enjoy it properly until you know that you are safe in the hands of the man you
let take control of you.
As for me, I haven’t trusted anyone as much as I
trusted Mat until now, so I refrained from making sex more adventurous. But
sooner or later I’m sure I’ll start trying new things again with someone that I
trust; but until then... go out have fun, be safe and don’t be afraid to try
new things... and then come back and leave a comment or send an email! I’d love
to hear from you. Do you have any similar experiences? Comment and let me know!
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