Let me just say, from the very beginning, that when it come to this question I’m an absolute NO NO NO! However, there seems to be a great debate whether a couple can break up and still remain friends. Many people would tell me ‘Yes, it’s perfectly possible’, so after I broke up with Garrick, a guy I used to be in a (rather short) relationship with, I decided that I could try to remain friends with him, even if I never really thought it would be possible… Well, I was right, it was a complete disaster!

  I met Garrick through a group of common friends about a year after I came to London. He was a nice guy and we immediately hit it off. We had a nice relationship for as long as it lasted, it was easy going and laid back, we had fun, not very serious. It all lasted about five months. Garrick was a nice, easy going guy, a great laugh and the kind of person you would love to have with you on a night out in town.  We would go out for drinks, dinner, dancing or stay in with good food and a movie and we would still have a great time! Even though I very much liked Garrick we broke up about 5 months later due to too much fighting. We decided to break it off before it was too late and all the good memories were replaced from our fights. I was quite sad after it ended, but I knew it was for the best. And then I made the oh so unforgivable mistake of suggesting we stay friends! Seriously, what was I thinking? I knew it would be a disaster the minute I heard the words come out of my mouth!

I always knew why two people are not meant to be friends after they break up. For some unknown reason though I decided that maybe it could work out. Well, every single theory I had about why two people should never be friends after they break up, came out to be true (surprise surprise!!). Firstly, being friends with someone should be easy, effortless and not awkward and complicated. Every time Garrick and I decided to meet up as friends, even with other friends around, it was just plain awkward. We would exchange a couple of words and then look the other way or start fidgeting nervously. The most extensive conversation we would have would be about the weather or my studies or his work, but that was about it. And of course we would never look each other straight in the eyes.  Besides the whole awkwardness, for me being friends with an ex is basically like being together, but without sex. If the relationship was never very serious and it was more like an easy going fun relationship where you just like to spend time with each other, but not live together (like my relationship with Garrick), then nothing changes besides the fact that you are not having sex anymore.

 Another reason for opposing the ‘friends with an ex’ situation is the fact that you might ‘slip’ once and sleep with them again! Now, just to be sure that this is definitely a reason for NOT being friends with an ex, I had to test my luck there as well; so when one night we went out with a group of friends and Garrick happened to be there, after one too many drinks we ended up back at my place… just the two of us. We both realized what a big mistake that was the next morning, but by then it was too late. Now, there are two reasons of why you should never have sex with an ex: if it’s good then you are reminded of what you lost and you just start missing him and possibly wanting to get back together. And if it’s bad, well you just had sex with an ex, which makes you seem the sad girlfriend that can’t get over him. When guys do it though, it’s never considered to be much of a deal. If anything, it gives them credit for ‘winning the girl’ all over again.  

 And of course, there is always the matter of jealousy! What happens when one of the two meets someone else? Will you get jealous? Will you be fine with it? And let’s say that maybe, just maybe, you have absolutely no problem with him dating someone else; how much more complicated would that make the friendship between you two? And worse of the worst, will you be able to talk about their new relationship like friends are supposed to? I really don’t have an answer for that, because Garrick and I decided that being friends wasn't a good idea after we slept together that night. I wish him the best and hope he is happy, but not keeping contact with him was the best decision for both of us!  

  It is my personal belief that a break up between two people comes about because they need their distance from each other, they need time for themselves. If two people remain friends after they break up then nothing changes. Even though it is clear to me how two former lovers can never remain friends, when it comes to relationships, I couldn't help but wonder: why is it that it’s possible to turn a friendship into a relationship, but not do the reverse? Maybe it’s nature’s twisted way of making us push some people out of our lives in order to let new ones in; or maybe it’s the fact that if you broke up with someone to begin with then you know he’s no good for you, so you choose not to have him in your life! Whatever the reason is however, you should know that being friends with an ex might be good in theory, it might also seem easy when it first starts, but it’s always an excuse to keep someone next to you that you are not ready to let go off – someone that you know you can’t work it out with so you choose the next best thing in order to keep them next to you. Unfortunately, it never turns out to be good news!!

 Did you manage to stay friends with an ex? Did you make an attempt and failed? Comment and let me know! Also don’t forget to contact me with your own stories that I can use for future posts at livefornow1992@gmail.com.

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   Friend, boyfriend, fuck buddy, husband, partner… Friend, girlfriend, mistress, wife…. Why do we always need to use the labels? This is my first post that I don’t tell a story about myself, but instead about my friend Vivi and her experience with someone. Maybe I sound too self-centered, so I realized it’s about time I give other peoples' experiences as well!! Yesterday, while we were out shopping in London and stopped for a nice Mcflurry, Vivi decided it was about time to tell me her concerns over a guy she’s seeing, which brought up a lot of questions in my mind, which I naturally decided to share with you.

   At the beginning of this year Vivi was going out with a guy named Dan. Their relationship was short and brief and never clear how it ended. The closest thing she could come to a conclusion was that he wasn't ready for a relationship.  Months after that ended, she met a really nice guy called Ed. Since she met Ed I remember her being quite happier and smiling more often, but when she talks about him she always says ‘we are just friends’.  When I saw them together  a couple of times, they were being really flirty with each other (I didn't stalk them, I just bumped into them! I always need material for my blog, but I wouldn't go that far… hopefully!), but she always kept saying that nothing was going on and they were just friends. That was until one day, she came up to me while I was in the library revising (no way to get out of exams!) and she told me that she spent the night at his place. I knew there was something more to it than ‘just friends’, but she seemed quite skeptical about it. “We had a really nice time, he cooked for me and he makes me laugh… .we made out and then fell asleep together, but I don’t want to have sex with him or be in a relationship with him”. She kept saying that nothing more was going to happen and that he was great and made her laugh but they should just be friends. I didn't want to contradict her then because I knew the subject would make her uncomfortable and waited until she came to talk to me about it.

   So yesterday, somewhere between Urban Outfitters and Topshop she turned and told me “I still spend a lot of time with him, I miss him when I don’t see him for a few days and we talk every day, but  I don’t know what’s going on”. Naturally I asked her what she wanted from him and she frowned for a minute until she said “Well, I know I don’t want a relationship with him, or to have sex, but  I like him,  I like to hang out with him and I like to make out with him sometimes and sleep together… I don’t know what this is! I have to figure out if I want him as a friend or a boyfriend”.  Now it was my turn to frown and ask her “Why? Why does it have to be one or the other? Why can’t you have fun the way you and him want to?” , to which she answered “Well, I don’t know what to tell people, are we friends or are we a couple?” By that point I was in deep thought and I pointed out that none of it matters, it doesn't matter what she will tell people, they can do whatever they like in their own privacy. I remember her saying “Deep inside we all care what other people think, even if we pretend not to” … I had to admit she was right. So I gave her the best advice I could “Do whatever you want, tell people you are just friends. Whatever you do in the privacy of your house is your own business”. Just when I thought the conversation was over and I had solved the problem (maybe I shouldn't think too much of myself!) she turned and said “But I don’t feel comfortable with it. I don’t know what we are, we are not just friends, we are not boyfriend and girlfriend, we are not fuck buddies… we are just something!” That was when I started thinking about labels.

  As much as I would like to think so, it’s not just Vivi that wants labels, it’s most of us. If we don’t know what’s going on with the guy, if we can’t point our finger and name it, then suddenly we get uncomfortable. What will everyone else think? What are we doing?  Truth is, most of the time we don’t have everything clear in our minds; if we are not somewhere between dating and a relationship, then we are somewhere between friends and fuck buddies, and if we are not somewhere between couple and friends, we are somewhere between a relationship and a break up…. Why does it always have to be something?

  We girls are, by nature, perfectionists. We need to be able to define and explain everything perfectly, so it is only natural that when it comes to relationships we want the same thing. But after my afternoon of shopping with Vivi, I couldn't help but wonder: Why do we need labels to make it work? Why can’t we just go with the flow? Maybe, labels, just like in fashion, make us ‘wear’ it comfortably and with confidence, enabling us to show it off and share it with the world. Boyfriend, friend, fuck buddy, lover, husband… maybe it’s like Prada, Chanel, Gucci, Louis Vuitton, and so on. Maybe it’s because of the way we grew up, in a society that judges everything, we need to be able to explain ourselves to anyone that asks for an explanation.  Later on, after contemplating on the subject for a few hours, I got a text from Vivi saying “I just realized, that’s exactly what I did wrong with Dan. I tried to put a label on him (boyfriend) that he wasn't ready for. That’s why it ended so soon!” and I had to admit, she was right! Dan ran off because Vivi wanted to jump into something that he wasn't ready for. I guess labels aren't always good after all. If Vivi had gone with the flow back then, maybe she would have hit it off with Dan, but we’ll never know.

   So my advice to all of you out there that are somewhere between relationships, dating, friends, fuck buddies and so on, is: if you are enjoying what you are doing, then just go with the flow. Don’t be in hurry to put a label on it; that will come on its own. Right now, there might not be a label for it; it might as well just be… something, or anything. Eventually all the pieces will fall into place... Until then, laugh at the confusion and live for the moment.The important thing is if you are enjoying it, then that’s all that matters. And when it comes to what others think… well, the less they know the better!

By the way, please send me your stories to get inspired from and I will create posts from your stories as well, with conclusions and advises (if I can find any!). You can contact me at livefornow1992@gmail.com

Comment and tell me if you are experiencing something similar, and how much you like labels! 

  “Can it be just sex?”: The eternal question that tortures every single woman who wants to have some fun but not get emotionally involved with anyone. If you had asked me 3 years ago I would have answered in a split second, without even thinking about it “of course it can be just sex, you don’t need to get emotionally involved!” Well, three years later I have to admit, with great regret, that I might not have been right.  I have been trying to solve this great mystery with friends and it seems that everyone’s opinion varies on the subject. So I decided that maybe I should give my experience on this topic and try to draw some conclusions out of it.

  

  His name was Mat, and I have known him for years, but I was never actually friends with him. I always thought that he seemed like a nice guy, a good laugh, but never actually thought more of him.  He was the first to approach me, first as a friend and then flirting subtly with me. I had to give it to him; this guy was smart. He knew how to play the game without making too obvious what he was after. He was really nice, he would talk to me quite often (but not all the time, so he gave me some breathing space as well!) and most of all he made me laugh. Unfortunately at the time, I was not looking for a relationship, and little did I know that neither was he.  Yes, I did reciprocate the flirting, but when we went out a few times, I kept some safe distance, just to make it clear that I wasn't up for dating.

  When a few months had passed by, it was time to have a serious conversation with Mat. I got ready to turn him down nicely (and let’s just say a little part of me took pleasure in it, it gave me that feeling of having someone chase after me… I know what you are thinking, and yes I’m embarrassed!). Imagine my surprise when Matt looked at me with a smile and said “I don’t want a relationship either!” I felt humiliated and embarrassed for my overconfidence and arrogance! But to my great surprise he added: “What do you say to just having some fun?” and winked. No one had ever asked me that before, but I always believed that casual sex was no big deal. And I was right, for the next two years it wasn't.  Matt and I had a great time together. We would meet up whenever someone was available, no commitment, we could date other people if we wanted to, if we had to cancel then no one would moan over it or complain, and the sex… oh the sex was just great! With no feelings there were no insecurities and with no insecurities… everything was possible! I wouldn't care if I looked good doing this or that, or if I was perfectly waxed, if I had enough make up on and so on and so forth. I would just go there and it would be great every time! I had no insecurities about trying anything new and I would just be myself, both in the bedroom (or kitchen, office, car, couch, etc ) and outside of it! And when we weren’t having sex, we would be having a good laugh over a glass of wine and a nice pleasant conversation. Being with him was just easy and fun, and I never questioned wanting anything more from him… until I came to London. Imagine how difficult it is to stay in a long distance relationship for years… almost impossible. Now you would think since two people in love couldn’t manage to save their relationship from the distance, what chance did we stand to save our ‘relationship’? So naturally, when I came to London I thought it was all over, and I thought that the past two years were great, a lot of fun, but that it's time to move on. I wished Matt all the best, told him we’ll talk and catch up every now and then and that was it. Well, little did I know, that my story with Matt did not come to an end there, but it was just the beginning of a very messed up situation.

  

  As I spent a few months in London, I realized that I started to miss Matt and even though we would talk every now and then, I wanted to see him. Apparently Matt was thinking the same thing because as soon as I went back for Christmas, Matt wanted to see me. And this time it wasn't the usual ‘just sex and a nice conversation’ routine, but there was something I never experienced with Matt before: romance! He poured me a glass of wine, lit the candles and held me close to him for hours before making love to me. I never used that word before to describe having sex with Matt, but apparently while I was away something had changed. Not to mentioned he said he missed me more than 10 times. I couldn't believe it… Had the distance made me fall in love with Matt, or have I been in love with him all along and just didn't realize it because he was so available to me? After that night we both realized that whatever it was we were doing had gotten out of control, and we both independently but simultaneously decided to keep some distance from each other. After a few months have passed by, I came to realize that I still care about Matt, and that every time I go back home I’m going to want to see him, and I wish him all the best. We both started dating other people after that, and even though we do keep in touch we know that a relationship between me and him would never work out. We are just way too different to be compatible.

  After my experience with Matt it seemed that my beliefs had been shaken to the core and that I had to rethink the whole ‘sex without emotion’ situation. It is in fact, scientifically proven that while making love women excrete a hormone that makes them fall in love with the man. So could it be, that we are in fact, by nature, programmed to not be able to have casual sex? And if so, if we are later meant to fall for each guy that we sleep with, why does casual sex feel so good? And to make it clear, I am not talking about one night stands; one night stands are a different situation. When I say casual sex, I refer to having a fuck buddy. So can we date our fuck buddy? And if we can’t, just like I can’t date Matt, why does the sex with someone that we are not meant to be with, feel so good?

  I had this conversation over and over again with many friends. I recall Sandra one day telling me over coffee “I never had a fuck buddy, but I don’t think that it is impossible to have sex without falling in love! I guess it depends on each person”. When I asked Javier he took one look at me and said “I never fell in love with anyone that I had casual sex with. It’s perfectly possible! And might I add, amazing!” If my friends are right, why did I fall in love with my fuck buddy? Finally I had to talk to Vivi to get an answer that would contradict them. “Well I could never have casual sex. I have to be in love with someone to have good sex, otherwise I won’t do it at all” she said one day somewhere between revising and falling asleep on some past papers. After a mixture of opinions I couldn't help but wonder: “What does it take to have casual sex with someone? And is there a thin line that separates casual sex and making love with someone? Had my almost three year sex relationship with Matt stepped well over that line, or was it all about timing? Maybe if you are sleeping with someone for that long, you are meant to develop some feelings for them at some point and maybe casual sex, just like milk, has an expiration date.

  So for all of you out there, who are having casual sex and enjoying the hell out of it (I know, it’s great!) take some caution and think about the person you are sleeping with. If you had to leave them right now, how much would you miss them? Because ladies, speaking from experience those feelings don’t warn you before showing up; and you will realize you have them when it’s too late to do anything about it!

 Let me know if any of you had any similar experiences with casual sex? Could you keep it just casual or did you fall for that person? Comment and let me know! 

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 What happens when you meet a guy and he seems like he has it all? He’s gorgeous, clever, attentive and interesting! You think you have it all! You meet this guy and he is drop dead gorgeous, you get lucky and go on a date with him, maybe a second one if you are extremely lucky and then you realize not only this guy is hot, he has a great character as well…… Ding Ding Ding! You just hit the jackpot! …. Hmmm? Maybe too soon? Well this is my story with Chris. One of my readers asked me to write a post about getting excited with a guy too soon and Chris fits the purpose of this topic perfectly!

  

 I met Chris one day, first thing in the morning when I woke up! I found him in my corridor trying to fix something in the house. You can imagine my surprise when, on my way to the bathroom, somewhere between yawning and trying to keep my eyes open, I found someone in the corridor that looks like Leonardo Dicaprio. I froze (and mid-yawn might I add! Not very attractive!). I completely forgot we had someone coming that morning and my flatmate had let him in apparently. By the time he said ‘Goodmorning’ I realized my mouth was still hanging open! As you realize there was no way I would let that guy out of my house without at least exchanging phone numbers, so after I washed my face, brushed my teeth and put on some proper clothes (I was wearing teddy bear Pjs!) I offered him a cup of coffee and started chatting him up. We exchanged phone numbers and five days later we were on our first date.  He came and picked me up with his car and we drove around, he showed me around the area and we ended up somewhere in Greenwich for a beer. I couldn't believe it, he was great! He was intelligent, well-educated, slightly older (28), had a lot of great stories to tell and so on and so forth. Ok I will say one flaw that I saw from the very first moment (even though I wanted to think of him as perfect then!) : he was full of himself. But at the moment I thought everyone has flaws, being overconfident it’s not necessarily a bad thing. Well, it turns out it was in this case, so keep reading!

  By the end of the night, I was sure I had a crush! I couldn't remember when the last time I had a crush was; I was probably 12, and even then it was the cliché crush on a high-school teacher, which I soon grew out of and was too embarrassed about it to admit it to anyone! It was  like I was 12 again, I had butterflies in my stomach and I was smiling like an idiot to myself the whole night before I went to bed, not to mention thinking about him until I fell asleep! Even though I had the crush of a 12-year old, I knew better than to text him the next day or the day after, I waited the well-known-by now 48-hour rule, and then when I was contemplating whether to text him or not, my crush texted me! We started talking, and there's no need to mention I was smiling at my phone the entire time and I swear my heart skipped a bit every time I received a text from him! Well, before I knew it we were on a second and third date, and it was all going great; I was getting an adrenaline rush every time I saw him and I felt like flying every time he texted me. Well… this was soon to change!

  One night while my crush and I were having a glass of wine at my place (and I was thinking this is the night!! Wink, wink) we were talking about a new bar that he went to, the week before, when his sentence suddenly begun with “Gloria was with me and she liked it too”.  I took a moment to think about who Gloria was; I don’t think he ever mentioned her before, and he had mentioned most of his family members and friends in London. So of course I looked at him skeptically and said with great hesitation “Gloria…?”. By that moment I hoped she would turn out to be his long-lost sister that he just found out about and took her out for a drink to get to know each other! And then, as if talking about the weather, he calmly answered: “Yes, I was on a date”. I couldn't believe what my crush was saying; I was crashed! When my mouth dropped open he smiled cheekily and said “Well baby, I don’t think we ever said this was exclusive”. While for me the idea of dating someone else while I was with him felt like trying to breath under deep water, for Chris it seemed perfectly normal! That was it, even though my crush had crashed me, he had also slapped me back to reality. I got up, gathered myself and calmly but sternly told him “I appreciate your honesty, but please get up from my couch and get the fuck out of my house”; and then of course I smiled, I had to play it perfectly! He looked at me in shock; I don’t think any woman has kicked his pretty face out of the house before, but I wasn't going to take it!

  

  Well, after Chris left, I told my story to my friends who gave me a mixture of reactions. A couple of them burst out laughing at what had happened (which I had to admit was funny!) but the rest were in shock. Javier, always calm and collected shrugged and said “Well it’s a good thing you kicked him out” But then laughed and said “Well he has the looks to pull off that attitude!” I must say Javier left me wondering: “Do we get excited too soon with first dates because the guys know exactly what to say to make us fall for their bullshit? And if so, if we act like teenagers and have crushes every now and then, how careful should we be before we actually consider seriously dating someone?... How well do we ever know the men we go out with?” I couldn't have known that Chris was going to turn out to be a playboy, or I wouldn't go out with him, and I’m sure many of you found out things about your crushes that made you regret going out with them. When is it too soon to get excited? And of course, what are the deal breakers? For me dating multiple women at once definitely was a deal breaker! I never stopped to think twice about kicking his gorgeous green eyes out of my house. I knew that respect was something that I expected, and neither his pretty face, firm ass nor green eyes could buy it off!

So ladies, it’s healthy to have a crush every now and then, to have butterflies in your stomach, to have your heart skip a bit, but try not to get excited too soon, because speaking from experience… if he seems too good to be true, he probably is!!

 Comment and tell me your experiences and if you ever had a crush that ended badly! Also, did anyone of you find that Mr. Perfect that has it all? I’m actually really curious! Don't forget to like my facebook page and tell me what you think: https://www.facebook.com/newcitygirlondating?ref=ts&fref=ts

   Most of my posts tell the story of guys that I used to date and how it all turned out to be a disaster. This post however is not about one particular guy, but rather about why we are still single. This post is about us, and about how we see dating, what we do wrong and what we expect from guys. I have to say from now that I have no specific answer to that question, but what I do have is a set of theories on why we are still single (or rather, a bunch of questions taking over my mind), and I hope you can relate to at least one of them. Personally I can relate to most of them!

  I believe that one of the most important reasons that we are still single is the fact that most of us are stuck on that one guy, who is unavailable (either in another relationship, too old or is just not interested in a relationship). Most of you will scoff and deny that you are that kind of girl. But wait a minute, take a deep breath and think about it. Can you honestly tell me that you have never (at least at some point in your life) fell for a guy that was completely wrong for you? And can you deny that you spent at least a few months obsessing over that guy and hoping that somehow things would magically change and he would end up with you? It is my personal belief that women are programmed to fall for someone completely wrong for them, at least once in their life. Maybe that’s nature’s way of making us tougher and more tolerant. (Personally I made that mistake more than once). The big question however is why – Why do we fall for these guys? Are we so hopeful that we believe that maybe he will be the one, even though we can tell from the very beginning that he is bad news? Or do we have so much faith in ourselves that we see it as a mission, and we believe that we have to make this guy right for us, that we can change him for us, even though all evidence point to the contrary? No matter what the answer is to that question (and I have no answer, so if you do please comment and tell me!), the point is that we spent months, and possibly years stuck on that guy, who never ends up with us. He either ends up as an eternal (and eligible) bachelor, or with someone else, and we are left wondering why he didn't choose us!  My experience with Nick is a great example: I got so hung up on a guy for three whole years, in a situation that I knew I would never gain anything from, but I was still there, unwilling to get out and save myself!

   

  Another question that pops up in my mind every now and then is: “Do we have high expectations?” Are we still single, because we are expecting the knight on the white horse to come in and sweep us off our feet? Do we really believe that we can find that Mr. Perfect who will adore us and treat us like a princess, be gorgeous and always say the right thing at the same time, always agree with us and be our hero? And if we do believe that he’s out there, why can’t we find him? When it comes to men, I do have high expectations, but experience taught me that Mr. Perfect is nowhere to be found. I want to believe that my high expectations source from the fact that I was brought up by an amazing man, who set a great example on how a man should treat me, hence I will not settle for anything less. However, no one is perfect! The point is not to find the perfect person, but seek for the perfect connection with that imperfect person. And ladies let’s not forget, none of us is perfect. Are we really expecting to find the perfect person who will put up with our moaning and complaining and all our imperfections and never get fed up or upset about it? I don’t think so! Having high expectations is not necessarily a bad thing, but we have to be realistic! Someone once told that the flaws are the best part… you have to love someone not despite of their flaws, but because of their flaws as well!

 My other theory on why we are still single has to do with the places we are looking for that one person. We all have our type of guy that we are into. For example, I might be 20 but I am into older guys. So I don’t expect to find the type of guys I like at university or at any university parties. I will probably find them at certain bars in London, usually not at nightclubs, or at certain restaurants/cafes. So depending on your type of guy, you have to hang out at the right places, where they hang out as well, if you are hoping to meet them.

  Despite all my theories of why we are still single, we have to consider the possibility that finding the right person just didn't happen yet. So maybe we should stop obsessing over finding that one perfect person for us, and think about the possibility that maybe we are the ones that have to rescue ourselves and not wait for the knight on the white horse to come and ride off into the sunset with us! Maybe we should learn to depend more on ourselves, and if we happen to find that one perfect person, well then that’s amazing. If not… we should just learn that we can count on ourselves for everything.

I hope you enjoyed this post and keep coming back for the next ones. Comment and tell me if you have any more theories on why we are still single and in general what you think of my blog!

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  Most of us have gone out with some real jerks (Excuse my language, but it’s true) – I don’t know why; there is something about them that drives us crazy. Truth is, sometimes we fall really hard for them and at the end we always get our heart broken. But once in a while, every blue moon we are going to meet that one genuinely nice guy who is willing to love us unconditionally and treat us like a real lady. And of course… most of us will turn him down, because he’s just too nice! Well, this is Nathan’s story; that one amazing guy who walked in my life, and I’m embarrassed to admit, I turned him down.

   

  I met Nathan on a night out with Sandra, a really good friend of mine who I’ve known for years. We were a bit tipsy and on our way home when we bumped into him on the street. He started chatting us up and said he wouldn't let us go unless I let him take me out on a date. So being drunk and a bit light-headed, of course I said yes (please don’t judge me, who hasn't done things when they were drunk that they regretted afterwards). So I gave him my number, believing he will never text (maybe he was too drunk, or he would forget, or just be a typical guy!). Imagine my surprise when he did text, 3 days later, asking me out on a date. I was about to decline his invitation in a polite way (after all, he had seen me drunk, God knows how embarrassing that must have been and what impression he must have had of me), when Sandra texted me saying “Just give him a chance! It’s just a drink and if you don’t like him you never have to see him again”. So taking my friend’s advice I accepted, and next thing I knew I was on a date with this great guy, who made laugh, had a great conversation with me, gave me his coat when I was cold and walked me home.  So what was wrong? Why wasn't I happy? Despite that feeling of something-was-missing-but-couldn't-quite-understand-what, I went out with him on a second and third date and before I knew it I was officially dating him for more than a month. And he was a real gentleman. He adored me. He would call me every time to see if I got home safely, he wouldn't push me to do things I didn't want to do, he would talk to me on the phone when I felt lonely, he would come visit me whenever I had time and never complained when I cancelled on him. Javier told me “If you don’t marry him right away I will”, and I hated myself for not being in love with this guy who adored me and was willing to fly to the moon and back just for my sake.  He asked me several times why I was distant, or sometimes avoiding to see him for days, and of course… I didn’t have an answer. One day I remember asking him “What do you want from this… relationship?” and his answer was “To make you happy”. I almost burst into tears for not being able to fall in love with this man. One afternoon over coffee, my friend Vivi asked "So what was wrong with him?” and naturally I had no answer. Nothing was wrong with him, so I said (much to my embarrassment) “He’s just… too nice”.

  After dating Nathan for another couple of weeks, we broke it off (not to anyone’s surprise). I recall him calling me a ‘cold-hearted bitch, who will never fall in love’, ‘emotionally unavailable’, ‘distant’ and many other similar things before he slammed the door in my face, and I can’t blame him. Many of those things are not true; I had fallen in love before, more than once. That was the problem! And every time ended up with my heart in pieces. I never told him that of course. He was right though, I was too ‘emotionally unavailable’ (his words, I would never say that about me, but yes it’s true!).  So what was wrong? Up to this day, I am not quite sure of the answer. The closest thing to an answer that I can get, is that I have dated so many assholes (again sorry for the language) and I was so used to fighting over someone or struggling to be with someone, that I couldn't see a perfect potential relationship even if it slapped me right in the face. After my experience with Nathan, I was horrified. Mostly because he brought to my attention things about me that no one ever said before, but mostly because he got me thinking: How much pain are we really able to take before we become numb? Or even worse, before we shut down, and become ‘emotionally unavailable’? And when that happens, how, or worse of the worst, is it possible to 'let anyone in' again?  Almost a year later, I have to admit that I regret the way I treated Nathan and after he gave me a dose of reality by making me aware of the person I had turned into, I have to say that I would give Nathan another chance. But I never texted him again of course… I was too proud for that.

 So ladies, if you happen to bump into one of those (very few) truly amazing guys learn from my experience with Nathan – do not turn them down, because they are too nice. Open up your hearts to them and let them treat you like a lady deserves to be treated – every single one of us deserves to be treated like the lady she is (well maybe I missed my chance, but it’s not too late for you! Maybe I’ll get lucky again and meet another Nathan in another 20 years!). And one last lesson: never, ever keep your distance because you are afraid of getting hurt again. Yes, we are all afraid of that. But life is too short to wake up with regrets (and I should know, I regret it every single day), so take all the chances that you can get. If it turns out to be bad, well at least it’s one more experience. But you might fall in love and he might be the one!

 I hope you enjoyed this post and learnt from one big mistake (among the many) that I've made. Did you have any similar experiences? Did you ever turn down someone because he was just too nice? Or did you get your heart broken too many times and wanted to be on the safe side and not let anyone in? Comment and let me know what you think!

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