First (Few) Dates Tips

18:47 Unknown 0 Comments



 It is a truth universally acknowledged that every time you go on a first day, you feel like you are on a job interview. That's the way it goes: you try to learn more things about the other person, but you can't avoid asking the standard questions: where are you from? where did you live before moving here? Where did you go to university? and the list goes on. It would seem easier if we just exchanged CVs before the first dates to avoid those questions. However, those first few dates that you go with someone can be sweet, especially when you get a goodnight kiss outside your front door, after you've given the guy your best lean-in-and-kiss-me move. But in order to get there, we must be careful not to over do it with certain things and even more careful not do some other certain things. And because the articles that give just first dates tips are overestimated and can be found literally everywhere, I decided that this post should include a list of the things that we should be careful with on the first few dates that we go with someone; even after the first date has gone great!

1. Don't Dress To Impress: We all love our little black dress that leaves very little to the imagination of the guy (!); but wouldn't it better if on such occasions we let that dress buried deep at the back of our closet? As nice as your ass looks in that dress, it won't earn you any brownie points, unless what you're looking for is to get laid on that night. Those first few dates are for you to get to know each other, not to give him a preview of what he's gonna get if he's nice! Keep it simple and casual. If you overdress you'll probably intimidate him and it will seem that you are expecting much more than you will be getting!

2 Don't open the ex-files: No one wants to give a run-down of all of their failed relationships in front of a new potential one. And even though you might be dying to learn all the gory details of all his past lovers and what went wrong, you must also keep in mind that the good thing about a new relationship is that it's a clean slate. You don't need to carry all the baggage from your failed previous relationships into this one, and neither should the other person. Having said that though, it is true that a glimpse into his past love life will give you a better idea about the potential of this relationship, but try to do it at the best possible timing. Maybe the later the better though. And try not to carry out a background investigation about the other person through every social network that exists, which I know can be hard. But truth is, he will tell you everything you need to know when the time is right.

3. Don't get drunk! This advice comes from a guy: there is nothing worse than a girl who can't drink responsibly! It's a huge turn-off! Last thing you want on your first dates with someone is the undesirable but unavoidable effect of alcohol over consumption: you think you are prettier and smarter that you actually are! I know we all get that feeling of being incredibly desirable after one-too-many drinks, but it's not true! So keep your alcohol consumption to the minimum, don't mix your drinks and for fuck's sake stay away from the tequila shots!



4. Don't jump into bed with him: Trust me, I know how hard it is to want someone during your first few dates, going back home and thinking about how it would be sleeping with them, especially after you get a glimpse of his skillful foreplay techniques. But, try to resist the urge! Jumping into bed with a guy way too soon will just confuse you about where this is going, what he sees you for and what to emotionally invest in it. Just do it when the time feels right and you have things clear in your head. And if it proves to be hard, just think about this: if one hour of foreplay and harmless over-the-clothes action with him can leave you lusting for more, imagine how it would be after four or five dates of this! Just call it a 'prolonged foreplay' with a great pay off when it actually happens.

5. Be Discreet: You are just getting to know someone, you are not yet prat of his life and if you want to be, you better be discreet. Accept that he has a personal life which at the moment doesn't fully include you, so give him his space. If for example his phone rings while you are on a date with him, don't ask him who it was as soon as he hangs up! It's none of your business. Chances are he will tell you anyway, but even if he doesn't, don't be curious about it. It's the rest of his personal life calling to remind you that he has one!

6. Don't reveal too much too soon: Even though you want the other person to get to know you as well as possible (and vice versa) don't fall in the trap of revealing too much too soon. There's something irresistible about someone who is not giving it all upfront and leaves some things untold. It's also logical that you might not want to talk about your bad past experiences to someone you are just getting to know. If he happens to ask a very personal question, just avoid it politely: smile and tell him "Maybe some other time". And that solves it! You are polite, you show him that there are things you are not yet ready to reveal and you might do it later on!



7. Be yourself: There's nothing sexier and more attractive than a girl who is comfortable in her skin! Just be yourself, be honest, admit you made mistakes, laugh out loud and have a great time. No need to lie or be pretentious. He will immediately pick up on it and you will just seem sad and desperate. Just be yourself, no one can do it better than you and nothing will be ever more interesting than that!

So there you have it, the full list that will make your first few dates simply unforgettable! Do you have any more tips to add? Anything you agree or disagree with? Comment below and let me know!

0 comments:

When is it too early to start liking someone?

16:42 Unknown 0 Comments





 Dating is all too exciting and fun: text messaging each other every now and then, going out to new places and those first few kisses… but what happens when you start feeling those first jitters of actually liking someone? After how long is it normal to start liking someone? These are the stories of me and my most recent dating experience and Vivi's story. Having two completely contradictory experiences got me thinking on timing and feelings... where do we draw the boundaries between being naive and being cynical?

  I started going out with Gabriel about two weeks ago, after talking to him for a week before that. I haven’t been in the dating game for a long time; I spent a long time in an emotional mess with Mat and it took me a few good months to get over that as well. So the moment I decided to start dating again I never thought that I would actually like someone. I remember telling Sarah “Even if I want to find someone to like in such a short time after breaking it off with Mat, I don’t think I can. I’ve been through so much with him that I think I’m emotionally exhausted and it’s impossible for me to get into anything new for a long time”. After I went out with Gabriel for the second time, I knew I started liking him. This hasn’t happened to me in a long time; in fact last time this happened to me I was slapped back into reality when I found out he went on nine dates in three weeks (see When is it too soon to get excited?). That was when I realized I was naïve and decided to never do that again. Even though is all too nice to start liking someone after so much time, I can’t help but wonder: when is it too soon to like someone? Two weeks before I started seeing Gabriel, my friend Vivi started seeing Aaron. She went on a number of dates with him and she even spent the night with him, but even after that she still wasn’t sure how she felt. I recall her telling to me: “I should have known how I feel about him by now right? He said he likes me and I had to say I’m not sure yet, give me some time..” After listening to my friend’s story I felt even more naïve for liking someone so quickly. I guess after all the disappointment I’ve been through with Mat, I don’t want to be disappointed again.


 This afternoon I had a long conversation with Vivi, who told me that she broke it off with Aaron, because if she didn’t like him after a month of going out, she never would. I thought it was the right thing to do, but I couldn’t get the whole thing out of my mind for the rest of the day: we throw away guys because we think that a month is too long to decided whether we like them or not and we are scared because we start liking someone in less than a month…. Where do we draw the line? Is there a time limit that you are supposed to decided whether you like them or not, or is it gut instinct? Where do we draw the line between being cynical and being naive?


 As much as we try, I don’t think anyone can define or put a limit on their feelings. You don’t feel something because you have to; it’s not rational and most of the time our feelings just appear at the worst possible timing. I never thought that I would like someone after Mat, at least for a year or so, but I have and no one is to say this is wrong or not. You don’t need to try to decide what you feel because it’s about time you do, just like Vivi did, and you don’t need to feel naïve because you like someone too early, just like I did. After thinking about it, even Vivi had to admit “It’s not about time, it’s about how intense it feels to be with the other person” and she is right. At the end of the day, maybe I am naïve and maybe Vivi was too cynical as well. Maybe I’m about to have yet another disappointment, but I don’t mind. People will let us down many times, whether we like it or not… so why shouldn’t it be the same when it comes to dating? We should just take our chances and even if we make mistakes, that’s the only way to learn… and who knows, you might be in for a nice surprise after all! 
Did you ever like someone too fast? How did it end up? Comment and let me know! 
Like my page of facebook for the latest updates: The Dating Diary of A City Girl
Follow me on twitter: @DatingCityGirl

0 comments:

Why Lying is the Key To an Honest Relationship?

06:14 Unknown 2 Comments




 How many of us can honestly say that we never lied to avoid causing problems in our relationship? As much as we love and cherish the other person and as much as we want to keep our relationship easy going and clear of any awkwardness… there comes a time when we try to reason Why Lying is the Key to an Honest Relationship! Many of us hate to admit it, but a little ‘white lie’ every now and then is what keeps our relationship strong and going. And even though there’s a fine line between the lies that keep a relationship together and the lies that can tear it apart, I can’t help but think that a little lying is, in fact, the key to an honest relationship?

Want to see the rest of this article? Head over to: Why Lying is the Key to an Honest Relationship? and read my first post on Singles Warehouse as a new member of the #SWEXPERTS team!!! Comment and let me know what you think!


2 comments:

Online Dating Don'ts

11:37 Unknown 4 Comments



As popular as online dating seems to be these days, and even effective for a lot of people, you can't deny that you came across tens of profiles that made you think: "Seriously?! What the hell is going on here?". Profiles on dating websites are supposed to reflect a glimpse of your character and show people what you really look like... If a dating profile is supposed to be something so simple, why is it that so many people make it seem awkward, unpleasant and way too pretentious? No one said you need to look like a runway model or a porn-star-wanna-be on your dating profile and no girl has ever looked at someone's abs and fallen in love with them. Here is a list of the most common mistakes that both men and women do when online dating:

Women:

1. Don't choose photos that make you look thinner: Don't you just love that angle that  hides the real  size of your hips? Yeah, so do we! But when you meet up with someone, how are you going to hide that? There's no reason in uploading photos that make you look thinner, because as much as you love those photos, they don't show the real you. And for the record, men love curves! And you want someone to like the real you, not the you minus-two-sizes you!

2. Don't choose photos of when you were younger: Unless you are planning on travelling through a time machine to meet him, then this is not very wise! He will inevitably see the couple of wrinkles that suddenly appeared on your face since you took that picture, let alone make you feel even worse! There is no reason to fool around with your age in your photos; you should be confident about it. Plus, you are not 40 looking for a 20 year old guy (well most women at least!); you are most likely looking for someone your own age as a companion.... so you better look your age!

3. Stop the duck faces: Did I miss something? Did someone cross-breed us with Donald Duck while I had my head buried in a book? Since when did duck-facing become sexy? There's no need to pull a duck-face in a photo to look more attractive - how about flashing a smile? There's nothing more sweet and beautiful than a girl smiling in a photo. And if you happen to think that you look sexier pulling a duck face then think that you are looking for someone to go out with - not just have a one night thing!





Men:

1. Put some clothes on: As attractive as your body is (And I'm sure it's amazing!), ladies won't fall for that. I never once heard a woman say "I fell in love with him because of his perfectly defined stomach". On the contrary! I heard women saying "I fell in love with him because he makes me laugh, because he protects me", and the list goes on. If anything, girls will avoid getting in touch with those that show off their bodies in their dating profiles. So put a shirt on and smile for a genuinely nice photo!

2. Find something interesting to say to the ladies: "Hi how r u?" or "U look hot" or "Wat's up babe?" Is really not the way to initiate a conversation with someone you might potentially have a relationship with. I don't know where to begin describing what's wrong with this. Firstly, just saying "how are you?" shows that you didn't even bother reading our profile to find something to break the ice. And there's no chance we would ever respond with anything else other than "I'm fine"... and that's the best case scenario! Most probably we won't even reply. Secondly, if you can't bother to use correct grammar, then it seems like you can't even bother carrying on a proper conversation. What's the big deal in pressing two more keyboard buttons and sending a proper message? And thirdly, don't call the girl babe! You don't even know her yet. It's a HUGE turnoff!



3. Avoid selfies: I'm sure all of us have a proper photo that does not include us holding our phone in front of the bathroom mirror! Well, use that one! Don't use selfies, firstly it shows that you are trying way too hard which is a turn off and secondly those photos are usually blurry or the hand with the phone is in front of the face and the girls can't see it.

So there you have it, all the huge mistakes men and women do when online dating! Try avoiding as many as you can to have a more genuine and honest dating profile and you'll see you'll attract more people with relationship potential.

What do you think of the online dating don'ts? Do you agree? Do you have anything you want to add? Comment and tell me your thoughts!

Like my facebook page for all the latest updates and an exciting announcement that's coming out soon!
Also, don't forget to follow me on twitter!!!

4 comments: