When is it too early to start liking someone?

16:42 Lissa Reed 0 Comments

 Dating is all too exciting and fun: text messaging each other every now and then, going out to new places and those first few kisses… but what happens when you start feeling those first jitters of actually liking someone? After how long is it normal to start liking someone? These are the stories of me and my most recent dating experience and Vivi's story. Having two completely contradictory experiences got me thinking on timing and feelings... where do we draw the boundaries between being naive and being cynical?

  I started going out with Gabriel about two weeks ago, after talking to him for a week before that. I haven’t been in the dating game for a long time; I spent a long time in an emotional mess with Mat and it took me a few good months to get over that as well. So the moment I decided to start dating again I never thought that I would actually like someone. I remember telling Sarah “Even if I want to find someone to like in such a short time after breaking it off with Mat, I don’t think I can. I’ve been through so much with him that I think I’m emotionally exhausted and it’s impossible for me to get into anything new for a long time”. After I went out with Gabriel for the second time, I knew I started liking him. This hasn’t happened to me in a long time; in fact last time this happened to me I was slapped back into reality when I found out he went on nine dates in three weeks (see When is it too soon to get excited?). That was when I realized I was naïve and decided to never do that again. Even though is all too nice to start liking someone after so much time, I can’t help but wonder: when is it too soon to like someone? Two weeks before I started seeing Gabriel, my friend Vivi started seeing Aaron. She went on a number of dates with him and she even spent the night with him, but even after that she still wasn’t sure how she felt. I recall her telling to me: “I should have known how I feel about him by now right? He said he likes me and I had to say I’m not sure yet, give me some time..” After listening to my friend’s story I felt even more naïve for liking someone so quickly. I guess after all the disappointment I’ve been through with Mat, I don’t want to be disappointed again.

 This afternoon I had a long conversation with Vivi, who told me that she broke it off with Aaron, because if she didn’t like him after a month of going out, she never would. I thought it was the right thing to do, but I couldn’t get the whole thing out of my mind for the rest of the day: we throw away guys because we think that a month is too long to decided whether we like them or not and we are scared because we start liking someone in less than a month…. Where do we draw the line? Is there a time limit that you are supposed to decided whether you like them or not, or is it gut instinct? Where do we draw the line between being cynical and being naive?

 As much as we try, I don’t think anyone can define or put a limit on their feelings. You don’t feel something because you have to; it’s not rational and most of the time our feelings just appear at the worst possible timing. I never thought that I would like someone after Mat, at least for a year or so, but I have and no one is to say this is wrong or not. You don’t need to try to decide what you feel because it’s about time you do, just like Vivi did, and you don’t need to feel naïve because you like someone too early, just like I did. After thinking about it, even Vivi had to admit “It’s not about time, it’s about how intense it feels to be with the other person” and she is right. At the end of the day, maybe I am naïve and maybe Vivi was too cynical as well. Maybe I’m about to have yet another disappointment, but I don’t mind. People will let us down many times, whether we like it or not… so why shouldn’t it be the same when it comes to dating? We should just take our chances and even if we make mistakes, that’s the only way to learn… and who knows, you might be in for a nice surprise after all! 
Did you ever like someone too fast? How did it end up? Comment and let me know! 
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