Sixteen year old boys are not usually known for discussing their emotions with anyone- especially not their mother. So, I was pleasantly surprised when my son sent me a text message of a personal nature recently.  My son could be described as a late bloomer, and has just recently started dating a young lady.  They went to homecoming together, and, according to his text message to me, he kissed her there for the first time.  When I asked him how it was, his reply brought tears to my eyes: “better than ice cream”. My tears were not only for his innocent romanticism, but also because I can foresee the awful heartbreak that is inevitably coming his way.

 Heartbreak sucks.  I remember my first like it was yesterday (see Dear Thirteen Year Old Me), and it still stings a bit to remember almost thirty years later.  The sad thing is that I know there is nothing I can do to prepare him for what is coming, just as I was unprepared to have my heart broken again recently (see Psycho-Chicks and the Men that Create Them). I know that break ups are part of life, and that enduring them is the only way to grow stronger, but, the mom in me knows that I’m going to have to be restrained from killing this girl when she hurts my boy. (Disclaimer in case she dies in some mysterious manner- I’m not guilty and I’m sure I have an alibi!)

 But, break-ups don’t always have to be so awful.  Here, I list some of the not-so-heartbreaking reasons that my relationships have ended:

So, there you have it. For every heartbreaking reason that a relationship ends, there could be a more ridiculous reason than you have ever considered. And, I wonder why I’m single….

I never stopped asking myself: ‘What happens after we break up?’ It seems somehow irrational because the logical answer would be ‘you move on and find someone else to love’… But can we love everyone the same?  To put it differently… Can you love your next boyfriend the same way you love(d) your ex? And this raises an even bigger question… Do we even stop loving someone even after the relationship has ended?

 Most of us have probably lived through a ridiculous, inconvenient, consuming, cant-live-without-each-other love… and for many of us this has ended. For the second time throughout my blog’s history I am going to narrate someone else’s story.  Hannah and I have been living together for a year now and I can say with a lot of certainty that I know her well by now. She is one of the most disciplined people I know, including emotional discipline as well. That’s one thing I admire about her; seriously, how many of us can say as much! When she broke up with her boyfriend of two years (Steve) she said to me: ‘I gave myself one whole day to cry and get over him’… and just like that she was over him! I couldn’t believe my eyes; when I’m going through a break up I can cry for days and days, not get out of the house for weeks and probably the idea of eating the entire content of my fridge would seem inevitable. Even if I give myself some time limit to get over someone I know I don’t work this way; I would probably suppress my tears and then choke on them when I least expect it! Anyhow, that’s how Hannah is and I admire her for that. She didn’t take long to move on, within a month she was with someone else and she has been with him for the past year and a half. She is in one of those kind of relationships that each and every one of us would love to be in: they fight like siblings, laugh like best friends and love each other. Whenever we spoke of her ex she would always say that she cares about him but what they had is over and they would never get back together. All in all Hannah has the kind of relationships we wish we had; but we end up with bittersweet memories, broken hearts that take forever to fall back together and ex boyfriends that become strangers… We never know what happened to the love we had with that person.

 However, one late night somewhere between confession time between the two friends Hannah told me: ‘ I see Steve sometimes… is it weird that I still feel attracted to him?’  Knowing Hannah for the past two years I have to say that this was something I never expected to hear from her.  I recall her asking ‘I’m with someone else, I shouldn’t be attracted to my ex… right?’ This was a question I wasn’t ready to answer for myself, let alone for someone else. How much do we get over someone after we break up? And, dear I say it, do we ever get over our past loves or are we haunted forever by spirits of relationships past? Did I ever get over Nick? (Can you fall in love with two people at the same time? and  Do we need to change to be in a relationship?) Do I love Mat the same way I love(d) Nick? Just like Hannah had to see Steve again to realize that the love she had for him never went away, I had to run into Nick to feel the same thing. When I run into Nick this summer I realized that even though we are over I’m always going to love him and care about him; he would always have a place in my heart and even though he will soon be married to someone else, I sincerely hope he is happy. So I might not be over him afterall, and Hannah might not be over Steve… Maybe we are never over our great loves, but as time goes by we get used to living without them and love them from somewhere afar. I guess getting over someone just means learning to live with the wounds they left you with when they departed and then find the strength to move on. So maybe we are indeed haunted by spirits of relationships past but we choose to move on, because it’s the right thing to do. We give them a part of our heart to keep forever, but learn to survive with what’s left of it.

 After I talked to Hannah again, I realized that the answer she was looking for was simply ‘there’s nothing wrong with still loving someone you’ve been with for so long simply because now you are with someone else’. 

 Earlier this afternoon, while I was contemplating on the subject I asked Kate for her opinion and realized she had a different point of view on the subject: ‘I guess you can stop loving someone, depending on the way the relationship ended. If he cheated on you it’s normal to just move on and get over him’. I, on the other hand, have a completely different opinion on this: It doesn’t matter how a relationship has ended, once some time has gone by and your anger has subsided you realize that even through the betrayal you feel, the love is still there and it always will be. You might never get over the fact that he cheated on you, but you won’t get over him either… it will just be a bittersweet memory. Which one of the two do you agree with? And do you think we actually ever get over someone and stop loving them? Where does the love go… Does it ever vanish? COMMENT and let me know your thoughts on the subject. CLICK HERE to like my facebook page and keep up with all the updates! 

  

  Let me just say, from the very beginning, that when it come to this question I’m an absolute NO NO NO! However, there seems to be a great debate whether a couple can break up and still remain friends. Many people would tell me ‘Yes, it’s perfectly possible’, so after I broke up with Garrick, a guy I used to be in a (rather short) relationship with, I decided that I could try to remain friends with him, even if I never really thought it would be possible… Well, I was right, it was a complete disaster!

  I met Garrick through a group of common friends about a year after I came to London. He was a nice guy and we immediately hit it off. We had a nice relationship for as long as it lasted, it was easy going and laid back, we had fun, not very serious. It all lasted about five months. Garrick was a nice, easy going guy, a great laugh and the kind of person you would love to have with you on a night out in town.  We would go out for drinks, dinner, dancing or stay in with good food and a movie and we would still have a great time! Even though I very much liked Garrick we broke up about 5 months later due to too much fighting. We decided to break it off before it was too late and all the good memories were replaced from our fights. I was quite sad after it ended, but I knew it was for the best. And then I made the oh so unforgivable mistake of suggesting we stay friends! Seriously, what was I thinking? I knew it would be a disaster the minute I heard the words come out of my mouth!

I always knew why two people are not meant to be friends after they break up. For some unknown reason though I decided that maybe it could work out. Well, every single theory I had about why two people should never be friends after they break up, came out to be true (surprise surprise!!). Firstly, being friends with someone should be easy, effortless and not awkward and complicated. Every time Garrick and I decided to meet up as friends, even with other friends around, it was just plain awkward. We would exchange a couple of words and then look the other way or start fidgeting nervously. The most extensive conversation we would have would be about the weather or my studies or his work, but that was about it. And of course we would never look each other straight in the eyes.  Besides the whole awkwardness, for me being friends with an ex is basically like being together, but without sex. If the relationship was never very serious and it was more like an easy going fun relationship where you just like to spend time with each other, but not live together (like my relationship with Garrick), then nothing changes besides the fact that you are not having sex anymore.

 Another reason for opposing the ‘friends with an ex’ situation is the fact that you might ‘slip’ once and sleep with them again! Now, just to be sure that this is definitely a reason for NOT being friends with an ex, I had to test my luck there as well; so when one night we went out with a group of friends and Garrick happened to be there, after one too many drinks we ended up back at my place… just the two of us. We both realized what a big mistake that was the next morning, but by then it was too late. Now, there are two reasons of why you should never have sex with an ex: if it’s good then you are reminded of what you lost and you just start missing him and possibly wanting to get back together. And if it’s bad, well you just had sex with an ex, which makes you seem the sad girlfriend that can’t get over him. When guys do it though, it’s never considered to be much of a deal. If anything, it gives them credit for ‘winning the girl’ all over again.  

 And of course, there is always the matter of jealousy! What happens when one of the two meets someone else? Will you get jealous? Will you be fine with it? And let’s say that maybe, just maybe, you have absolutely no problem with him dating someone else; how much more complicated would that make the friendship between you two? And worse of the worst, will you be able to talk about their new relationship like friends are supposed to? I really don’t have an answer for that, because Garrick and I decided that being friends wasn't a good idea after we slept together that night. I wish him the best and hope he is happy, but not keeping contact with him was the best decision for both of us!  

  It is my personal belief that a break up between two people comes about because they need their distance from each other, they need time for themselves. If two people remain friends after they break up then nothing changes. Even though it is clear to me how two former lovers can never remain friends, when it comes to relationships, I couldn't help but wonder: why is it that it’s possible to turn a friendship into a relationship, but not do the reverse? Maybe it’s nature’s twisted way of making us push some people out of our lives in order to let new ones in; or maybe it’s the fact that if you broke up with someone to begin with then you know he’s no good for you, so you choose not to have him in your life! Whatever the reason is however, you should know that being friends with an ex might be good in theory, it might also seem easy when it first starts, but it’s always an excuse to keep someone next to you that you are not ready to let go off – someone that you know you can’t work it out with so you choose the next best thing in order to keep them next to you. Unfortunately, it never turns out to be good news!!

 Did you manage to stay friends with an ex? Did you make an attempt and failed? Comment and let me know! Also don’t forget to contact me with your own stories that I can use for future posts at livefornow1992@gmail.com.

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  After numerous posts I decided it’s about time I tell you a little bit about myself: I can be a little bit selfish, I’m impatient and I need to always be right, I push people to bring out the best in them, I push myself and I’m a perfectionist: if I’m going to do something I’ll do it right or not at all. So having said all that about me, I wouldn't change myself to be with anyone, even if I only pointed the negative aspects of my character (I do have good qualities as well, but if I wrote them down now it would seem like I’m bragging!). But what about the times that we actually change to make someone love us or stay with us without even realizing it? What happens when we lose ourselves just to keep someone with us?

  For the sake of this article, the most suited relationship example I have to give is my ‘relationship’ with Nick. I talked about Nick in another post as well (you can read about it on "Can you fall in love with two people at the same time?") , but I think it’s about time to give you some more details on it… As you know my relationship with Nick was kind of an ‘on-and-off affair’ and the only reason I didn't put an end to it sooner is because I was madly in love with him. But I never realized how much I was caught up in the relationship until the very end. I always felt like Nick had some kind of power over me (I know it sounds ridiculous, but it’s the only way I can describe it). I am usually talkative and sarcastic and make jokes about everything, I laugh a lot and if you know me you’ll know I’ll never run out of things to say. But when it came to Nick, I felt powerless. Every time I found myself with him, I would be acting like a good student under a strict teacher… which is ridiculous! Yes we talked, but I was never quite myself… and that’s the least of it. Every time Nick called, I would make myself available to him, no matter where I was or what I was doing. I would just give up everything to meet up with him. When he was mad, he would shout at me and we would have a fight… usually I would end up in tears and nodding in agreement to what he was saying. Again, if you know me you should know that I almost never cry, let alone in front of others. I would never contradict him, whatever he said, I would think it was right.

  One day I recall him telling me that what we had wouldn't last and he wanted to end it. For the first time in my life, I actually begged him to stay with me, but he didn't  Two months later he came back to me, and I welcomed him back in my life as if nothing ever happened. Having said all that, for me to be so compromising and willing to do anything for him, you would think that I must have been having a hell of a time when I was with him… wrong again. I remember myself mostly miserable during my relationship with Nick and not happy. I would either feel guilty that I was with him, or neglected by him most of the time. He did care about me, but he had a weird way of showing it. He loved me, but he would never say it. Of course you would think that if someone loves you, they don’t have to say it all the time… and you are right. But sometimes, a girl actually needs to hear these 3 little words, out loud! Nick was distant… and yet so close. I must sound completely out of my mind right now, and truth is, I was! It’s so hard putting it down in words, but if you have lived through something similar you should know how hard it is to actually explain it. Every time Nick did something bad and I would just accept it and patiently wait for him I felt my mind screaming at me “Come on! What are you doing?” But apparently my heart had a different opinion…

  After almost two and a half years of torture with Nick, I still hadn't learnt my lesson. So finally, when he pulled one of his “This isn't going anywhere, we have to end it” situations and I still waited for months for him to come back, when he didn't I thought it was finally all over. I was broken hearted, but I wanted to respect him. He had chosen this and if he was happy, I wouldn't try to get back into his life again. One night though, more than five months later, Nick called me and said he missed me and straight away, without even thinking, I said I missed him too and I wanted to see him. Just when I was starting to move on, Nick had dragged me back into that mess again, and I found myself crying in my bathroom, but still not having the courage (or the will for that matter) to tell him that I couldn't see him. When I couldn't do it, it was time for an intervention… My best friend, Kate, even though opposing my whole affair with Nick from the very beginning, after she found me crying in my bathroom like a helpless dog calmly told me: “I’m not going to tell you not to go back to him again, that never worked in the past and it won’t work now either. But take a step back and look at yourself and what he did to you”. And that was it. I suddenly realized it; I had lost myself in my desperate effort to keep Nick next to me. I had lost control over my feelings, and apparently over my actions as well. Having lost control, I did the only thing I could to get it back… I let Nick go. It took me three years, countless desperate efforts from my best friend, and a hard slap from reality after seeing my bloodshot eyes in the mirror to realize that I wasn't me anymore… I remember thinking to myself “If I had met me know I wouldn't recognize me”. That wasn't me, that wasn't who I was and who I was supposed to be. I turned into a pathetic little person… and for what? To make someone love me, someone that I couldn't be with to begin with.  Maybe I needed to lose myself to finally realize who I am and at the end to find out just how much am I really prepared to give up to be with someone. Maybe we all need to lose ourselves, to hit rock bottom in order to find our way back to the top and be ourselves again.

   After a few months I started feeling like myself again, but from time to time, I still wonder: does our mind automatically change our behavior in order to accommodate that huge influx of feelings that come with falling madly in love? Is it all a manifestation of our body to shelter us from the pain that is about to come once we show the true side of our character? Maybe if I had shown my true character to Nick he wouldn't have stayed with me that long. He knew I would be there and so he kept coming back… I was a safe bet. But is that really what I want to be? Every girl deserves someone that will love her for who she is; that is not to say we shouldn't compromise. Because just like we expect someone to accept us with all our flaws, we should be prepared to accept someone else’s flaws as well. But compromising means meeting somewhere in the middle and feeling comfortable.  After thinking it over, I realized that it’s ok to change when you are with someone… but it’s not ok to change for someone. Some people bring out the best in ourselves and make us see our flaws clearly, flaws which we could potentially correct, and that would be great. But we should change as long as we are comfortable with it; as long as we feel that we are becoming the better person that we can become… Because if you think about it, relationships are great, glamorous and fun, but the most important relationship you will ever have, the most amazing and challenging one is the one you have with yourself… and if you can find someone that will meet you somewhere in between, well that’s just beautiful!

Have you ever had a similar experience? Maybe you would be able to put it down in words better than I could. Comment and let me know how you lost yourself and what did you do to get back control? 

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  I never was one to think before speaking. Not only when it comes to men, but in general. Even though at times it proved to be bad, (I was hurting people without meaning to do so, or saying the wrong things at the worst possible timing) I never thought of changing this about myself until I met Richard. Richard was one of my first boyfriends, when I was about 16. Of course his real name is not Richard, but for the sake of this article I would like to call him Richard, mostly because the nickname for Richard is Dick, and even though I never understood why Dick is short for Richard, it really suits this guy.

  I met Dick one day at a café, while hanging out with a few friends. He wasn't very handsome, but there was something about him that I really liked. We had a couple of friends in common and they introduced me to him, and that’s how we started talking (I know it’s a cliché, but when you are 16 this is the most popular way to get a boyfriend). We talked for a few weeks, went out as friends and after about a month we were officially dating. I dated Richard (oh I mean Dick!) for 6 months, and when you are 16 that’s considered oh-so-big! Well, what went wrong this time? I had a nice time with him; we used to go out, have a good laugh and we were pretty into each other. However, I would always say the wrong thing at the worst possible time. When he did something I didn't like I would immediately tell him off, most of the time I would snap at him (teenagers do that ALL the time!) and I wouldn't think before speaking, which meant that at times I offended him. It looked like I was looking to start a fight out of nowhere. One of the biggest mistakes I made was to tell him off in front of his friends (HUGE mistake when it comes to guys!!).  I recall one time saying “I hate what you are wearing” as soon as he walked in the room with all of his friends there. That was a mistake, I have to admit it, but there were also times when I was right. For instance, we would walk down the street and he would check out another girl (most guys do that, even when they are with their girlfriends) and I would just snap at him. Well I learnt, a little bit too late, that it’s not the way to do it! Telling him off in the middle of the street about anything, will get you nowhere.

 When he would cancel on me, I would shout or moan at him for hours, and I remember telling him quite frequently “Sometimes I feel like I hate you when you do that!” I know I sound like a complete bitch right now, but please give me a break; I was 16, an angry teenager who thought I was the centre of the world – even though I should have been snapping at my parents, like all normal teenagers! Even when I told him ‘I love you’ it was at the wrong time and the wrong place. We were just walking one day and I stopped suddenly, turned and said “I think I love you”. Now you would think that saying I love you abruptly would be spontaneous and potentially romantic. But stop for a minute and think about it: “I THINK I love you?” Really? What was I thinking? If you say I love you to someone, you don’t think that you love them, you should be sure. Also: no, you wouldn't expect me to tell him over a romantic dinner, under the candlelight, but you would at least expect me to say it in a more private place; when I was sure that I loved him!

Unsurprisingly we broke up because of too much fighting - and even the break up was at the wrong time and the wrong place! (He broke up with me though. Over text. While I was abroad!).  I never thought it was my fault for nagging him too much, or for always saying the wrong thing at a really bad timing.

  However, more than 4 years later, I got to thinking about thinking before speaking. While talking about it over coffee with some friends, one late afternoon I got a few wise words from them. When I popped the question, “When it comes to dating, should you think before you speak?”, Javier thought about it for a second and then said hesitantly “Well, as long as you say it with respect…”; (translation: yes always think about what you say before you say it!). Vivi, (who also took a couple of seconds to think about it) replied that speaking before thinking is usually considered to be more honest, but more emotional rather than rational.  However, a few minutes later she said “I always think too much before I speak, which makes me not say things I actually want to say and then I regret it…”. My other friend, Julia (who’s been with her boyfriend for 5 years now, so she must know something!) said straight away, without hesitation “Think before you speak, it’s the right thing to do!”

  When I came back home, I couldn't help but wonder: “Is it possible that we scare men away because we always say what’s on our mind without thinking? And if that’s true, would we be honest and true if we didn't say what we feel, just to keep a guy?” I understood with time that the most important thing it’s not what you say, but how you say it! Thinking before speaking is the wisest thing to do, BUT you have to do it at the right time, with the nicest possible way. If something bothers you and you say it straight away, chances are you will say it in an angry manner, probably even shout, and you can be 100% sure it will sound rude. However, if you say it later on, when you are not angry anymore and have some time to think about it, then you will say it in the nicest possible way, he will understand it better and most likely won’t get pissed off at you and think that you are nagging him. He will probably respect you more for that as well. I put my advice into practice with many men that I dated afterwards and found out that it is actually the best way to say things to men! The more I took time to think about how I would say something that would potentially annoy them, the more I was able to find a better way (and time!) to say it, which meant that I was easier to get along with, and they weren't getting fed up with my nagging. Of course sometimes I still just say the first thing that comes to my mind and I regret it afterwards. Oh well, bad habits die hard, (but you can get them under control!)

  Oh and if you are wondering why I call this guy Dick: he is now dating my ex-best friend!

So ladies, think before you speak, but always say what’s on your mind, just in a nice way – respect them and you will get the same in return (I guess Javier was right after all!). Did you ever have any bad experiences because you blurted out the first thing that came to your mind or did you always think before speaking? Feel free to comment and share your experiences!!

 Don’t forget to check out my facebook page on the latest updates and the next posts’ subjects: https://www.facebook.com/newcitygirlondating?fref=ts! I hope you enjoyed this post, and don’t miss the next post on “Can we fall in love with two people at the same time?” which is coming pretty soon!! 

  Most of us have gone out with some real jerks (Excuse my language, but it’s true) – I don’t know why; there is something about them that drives us crazy. Truth is, sometimes we fall really hard for them and at the end we always get our heart broken. But once in a while, every blue moon we are going to meet that one genuinely nice guy who is willing to love us unconditionally and treat us like a real lady. And of course… most of us will turn him down, because he’s just too nice! Well, this is Nathan’s story; that one amazing guy who walked in my life, and I’m embarrassed to admit, I turned him down.

   

  I met Nathan on a night out with Sandra, a really good friend of mine who I’ve known for years. We were a bit tipsy and on our way home when we bumped into him on the street. He started chatting us up and said he wouldn't let us go unless I let him take me out on a date. So being drunk and a bit light-headed, of course I said yes (please don’t judge me, who hasn't done things when they were drunk that they regretted afterwards). So I gave him my number, believing he will never text (maybe he was too drunk, or he would forget, or just be a typical guy!). Imagine my surprise when he did text, 3 days later, asking me out on a date. I was about to decline his invitation in a polite way (after all, he had seen me drunk, God knows how embarrassing that must have been and what impression he must have had of me), when Sandra texted me saying “Just give him a chance! It’s just a drink and if you don’t like him you never have to see him again”. So taking my friend’s advice I accepted, and next thing I knew I was on a date with this great guy, who made laugh, had a great conversation with me, gave me his coat when I was cold and walked me home.  So what was wrong? Why wasn't I happy? Despite that feeling of something-was-missing-but-couldn't-quite-understand-what, I went out with him on a second and third date and before I knew it I was officially dating him for more than a month. And he was a real gentleman. He adored me. He would call me every time to see if I got home safely, he wouldn't push me to do things I didn't want to do, he would talk to me on the phone when I felt lonely, he would come visit me whenever I had time and never complained when I cancelled on him. Javier told me “If you don’t marry him right away I will”, and I hated myself for not being in love with this guy who adored me and was willing to fly to the moon and back just for my sake.  He asked me several times why I was distant, or sometimes avoiding to see him for days, and of course… I didn’t have an answer. One day I remember asking him “What do you want from this… relationship?” and his answer was “To make you happy”. I almost burst into tears for not being able to fall in love with this man. One afternoon over coffee, my friend Vivi asked "So what was wrong with him?” and naturally I had no answer. Nothing was wrong with him, so I said (much to my embarrassment) “He’s just… too nice”.

  After dating Nathan for another couple of weeks, we broke it off (not to anyone’s surprise). I recall him calling me a ‘cold-hearted bitch, who will never fall in love’, ‘emotionally unavailable’, ‘distant’ and many other similar things before he slammed the door in my face, and I can’t blame him. Many of those things are not true; I had fallen in love before, more than once. That was the problem! And every time ended up with my heart in pieces. I never told him that of course. He was right though, I was too ‘emotionally unavailable’ (his words, I would never say that about me, but yes it’s true!).  So what was wrong? Up to this day, I am not quite sure of the answer. The closest thing to an answer that I can get, is that I have dated so many assholes (again sorry for the language) and I was so used to fighting over someone or struggling to be with someone, that I couldn't see a perfect potential relationship even if it slapped me right in the face. After my experience with Nathan, I was horrified. Mostly because he brought to my attention things about me that no one ever said before, but mostly because he got me thinking: How much pain are we really able to take before we become numb? Or even worse, before we shut down, and become ‘emotionally unavailable’? And when that happens, how, or worse of the worst, is it possible to 'let anyone in' again?  Almost a year later, I have to admit that I regret the way I treated Nathan and after he gave me a dose of reality by making me aware of the person I had turned into, I have to say that I would give Nathan another chance. But I never texted him again of course… I was too proud for that.

 So ladies, if you happen to bump into one of those (very few) truly amazing guys learn from my experience with Nathan – do not turn them down, because they are too nice. Open up your hearts to them and let them treat you like a lady deserves to be treated – every single one of us deserves to be treated like the lady she is (well maybe I missed my chance, but it’s not too late for you! Maybe I’ll get lucky again and meet another Nathan in another 20 years!). And one last lesson: never, ever keep your distance because you are afraid of getting hurt again. Yes, we are all afraid of that. But life is too short to wake up with regrets (and I should know, I regret it every single day), so take all the chances that you can get. If it turns out to be bad, well at least it’s one more experience. But you might fall in love and he might be the one!

 I hope you enjoyed this post and learnt from one big mistake (among the many) that I've made. Did you have any similar experiences? Did you ever turn down someone because he was just too nice? Or did you get your heart broken too many times and wanted to be on the safe side and not let anyone in? Comment and let me know what you think!

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