How To Get Over A Break-Up

03:19 Lissa Reed 2 Comments

This is going to be a long post, I have a lot to say on the subject and this doesn’t even cover everything!

I wanted to write this post for some time now, but I felt I wasn’t ready for it. I don’t know if I will ever be ready to tell people how to get over their break ups, given the fact that I haven’t properly gotten over mine yet and I don’t know when I will. But I know that I’m on a good way. I really hope this post helps some of you since I know that many of you are going through this and I know firsthand how much it sucks. This is a very recent story and one that still breaks my heart, but it was about time I tell you how I deal(t) with my breakup and hopefully it will be a wakeup call for some of you, as it was for me.

 You probably know my recent stories up to now, and how I came to feel heartbroken (if not see Just sex… or something more? and Will he ever leave his girlfriend for you). My break up became official around a month ago at 3.30 in the morning… through Skype! I know it sucks, but when you live an ocean away this is the only way to go. That night I cried myself to sleep until 5.30 in the morning, I woke up around 7.30 and cried myself to sleep all over again. This pattern was repeated every hour until 12 at noon when I finally woke up with swollen eyes. I couldn’t bring myself to get out of bed so I switched off my cell phone and got under the covers for the next two days. I only got up for a trip to the fridge and then back again. I cried myself to sleep and drowned in my own thoughts. Two days later I decided it was about time to take some drastic action. I was about to exchange my old guy for three new ones: Jack, Ben & Jerry. Such a cliché right? But if it worked for so many others it would work for me as well! So I got up, threw a coat on top of my pyjamas and dragged my feet to the nearest supermarket. When I made it to the cashier with two cartons of Chunky Monkey and a bottle of whisky, some crisps and a few other delicacies the man behind the till looked down at my to-be purchases, looked up at my poor sense of fashion and my swollen eyes and said: “You know this won’t bring him back”…. And SNAP! What had just happened? I was speechless… there it was, pity from the man behind the till at my local store; Pity from someone who didn’t even know me. That was the last straw, I wasn’t going to feel sorry for myself anymore or make anyone else feel sorry for me. I rushed back home and decided to become a human being again: I took a shower, put on some proper clothes and threw the overused pajamas in the wash, changed bed sheets (god knows how much that was needed after two days of literally living in my sheets!). Note that this by no means ceased the pain that I felt: but the world wouldn’t stop spinning for my grief and life didn’t stop there! I decided that if I need to get through this I needed to put my restlessness into something healthier. I threw myself into work straight away: I worked 16 hours a day, was ahead at every module at university and attended all my classes. I couldn’t stop working for even an hour because the minute I did I would choke on my tears. I realize that my method wasn’t that healthy but at least it was healthier than eating up two cartons of Chunky Monkey and downing a bottle of whisky while feeling sorry for myself at the same time.

 I know how break ups are: did I want to talk to him? Yes every minute of every day. Did I talk to him: embarrassingly yes I tried. Not because I thought it would change something but because it would give me some kind of closure. He was someone I used to talk to every day, about everything and about anything. It was unbelievably hard to just shut him down. But I learnt to deal with the pain that came with a heartbreak: it’s unbelievably painful, sometimes it hurts so much you can literally feel the pain physically, you feel like you are body is collapsing and you choke on air, you have to stop your mind from wandering off otherwise your tears will drop down your cheeks, it’s unbelievably hard to talk about your feelings to anyone and to expect them to understand. Sometimes you don’t even want to talk about it because if you do, it means that it really happened.  Every now and then my friends still ask: ‘Do you feel better?’ and my response is always the same: ‘No but I got used to it’. It is my personal belief that we don’t ever get over our past loves. We still love them but somehow, with the passage of time, we learn to deal with the pain and get used to it: after all, time is the best cure.

 That was my personal break up story, and of course I’m still not over it. The pain and the tears might not be that bad now but they are still there… and I know it will take a long time to get over them. I still go on with my life and I feel more and more like myself every day. I’m not ready to start dating though, even though I met a great guy, who has been amazing from the very first day I met him. I will probably write about him soon, but he’s the type of guy that Nathan was (See After how much pain do we become 'emotionally unavailable'?).

 There are numerous post-break up behaviors that many of you are going through and it can be different from mine, but still unhealthy:
1.       Post-break up sex : this is ‘junk sex’. This is an effort to replace your ex with another or too many other guys, but it seems impossible. It’s a physical way to get over your grief, but it never works… when it comes to this just think that exercise is a much healthier way to let it all out and not feel hopeless
2.       Empting the entire content of the fridge: this refers to eating out everything that the fridge contains, even if it’s expired or gone bad. Even if it’s something you wouldn’t normally eat. To get over this just think: if you can’t bring him back the way you are, do you think that 10 extra pounds will?
3.       Drunk dialing your ex: Oh god, Do I even need to elaborate on this one? You will regret it the next morning! When you decide to drink make sure you have someone to hold your phone at all times and refrain from giving it back to you even if you ask with tears in your eyes.
4.       Trashing your ex to common friends: most of the things you say, you don’t even mean them. And no matter how the relationship ended, remember that you used to love and respect that person, don’t talk bad about them to anyone. Respect them at all times.

If you are engaging in any of the above, don’t despair. It is normal. But you have to cut it out immediately and move on with your life. It’s not going to hurt any less if you do any of the above, it will just prolong the time of your pain. You have to accept it, deal with it in a healthy way and move on.

Do you have any more bad break up behavior? Did you get over it? How? Comment and let me know how you dealt with your break up or how you are still struggling with it.

P.S. Below is the song that got me through the heartbreak. I know it's a sad one but I really love it. You might like it as well: 

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