Where does the love go?

03:58 Lissa Reed 0 Comments

I never stopped asking myself: ‘What happens after we break up?’ It seems somehow irrational because the logical answer would be ‘you move on and find someone else to love’… But can we love everyone the same?  To put it differently… Can you love your next boyfriend the same way you love(d) your ex? And this raises an even bigger question… Do we even stop loving someone even after the relationship has ended?

 Most of us have probably lived through a ridiculous, inconvenient, consuming, cant-live-without-each-other love… and for many of us this has ended. For the second time throughout my blog’s history I am going to narrate someone else’s story.  Hannah and I have been living together for a year now and I can say with a lot of certainty that I know her well by now. She is one of the most disciplined people I know, including emotional discipline as well. That’s one thing I admire about her; seriously, how many of us can say as much! When she broke up with her boyfriend of two years (Steve) she said to me: ‘I gave myself one whole day to cry and get over him’… and just like that she was over him! I couldn’t believe my eyes; when I’m going through a break up I can cry for days and days, not get out of the house for weeks and probably the idea of eating the entire content of my fridge would seem inevitable. Even if I give myself some time limit to get over someone I know I don’t work this way; I would probably suppress my tears and then choke on them when I least expect it! Anyhow, that’s how Hannah is and I admire her for that. She didn’t take long to move on, within a month she was with someone else and she has been with him for the past year and a half. She is in one of those kind of relationships that each and every one of us would love to be in: they fight like siblings, laugh like best friends and love each other. Whenever we spoke of her ex she would always say that she cares about him but what they had is over and they would never get back together. All in all Hannah has the kind of relationships we wish we had; but we end up with bittersweet memories, broken hearts that take forever to fall back together and ex boyfriends that become strangers… We never know what happened to the love we had with that person.

 However, one late night somewhere between confession time between the two friends Hannah told me: ‘ I see Steve sometimes… is it weird that I still feel attracted to him?’  Knowing Hannah for the past two years I have to say that this was something I never expected to hear from her.  I recall her asking ‘I’m with someone else, I shouldn’t be attracted to my ex… right?’ This was a question I wasn’t ready to answer for myself, let alone for someone else. How much do we get over someone after we break up? And, dear I say it, do we ever get over our past loves or are we haunted forever by spirits of relationships past? Did I ever get over Nick? (Can you fall in love with two people at the same time? and  Do we need to change to be in a relationship?) Do I love Mat the same way I love(d) Nick? Just like Hannah had to see Steve again to realize that the love she had for him never went away, I had to run into Nick to feel the same thing. When I run into Nick this summer I realized that even though we are over I’m always going to love him and care about him; he would always have a place in my heart and even though he will soon be married to someone else, I sincerely hope he is happy. So I might not be over him afterall, and Hannah might not be over Steve… Maybe we are never over our great loves, but as time goes by we get used to living without them and love them from somewhere afar. I guess getting over someone just means learning to live with the wounds they left you with when they departed and then find the strength to move on. So maybe we are indeed haunted by spirits of relationships past but we choose to move on, because it’s the right thing to do. We give them a part of our heart to keep forever, but learn to survive with what’s left of it.
 After I talked to Hannah again, I realized that the answer she was looking for was simply ‘there’s nothing wrong with still loving someone you’ve been with for so long simply because now you are with someone else’. 

 Earlier this afternoon, while I was contemplating on the subject I asked Kate for her opinion and realized she had a different point of view on the subject: ‘I guess you can stop loving someone, depending on the way the relationship ended. If he cheated on you it’s normal to just move on and get over him’. I, on the other hand, have a completely different opinion on this: It doesn’t matter how a relationship has ended, once some time has gone by and your anger has subsided you realize that even through the betrayal you feel, the love is still there and it always will be. You might never get over the fact that he cheated on you, but you won’t get over him either… it will just be a bittersweet memory. Which one of the two do you agree with? And do you think we actually ever get over someone and stop loving them? Where does the love go… Does it ever vanish? COMMENT and let me know your thoughts on the subject. CLICK HERE to like my facebook page and keep up with all the updates! 

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