The Lighter Side of Breaking Up by Dating Disasters and Delights

13:30 Lissa Reed 2 Comments




I'm very excited to have a guest blog from Dating Disasters and Delights, thank you very much for your contribution and I hope you all enjoy this post! I know I did!! Let me know what you think in the comments section! 


Sixteen year old boys are not usually known for discussing their emotions with anyone- especially not their mother. So, I was pleasantly surprised when my son sent me a text message of a personal nature recently.  My son could be described as a late bloomer, and has just recently started dating a young lady.  They went to homecoming together, and, according to his text message to me, he kissed her there for the first time.  When I asked him how it was, his reply brought tears to my eyes: “better than ice cream”. My tears were not only for his innocent romanticism, but also because I can foresee the awful heartbreak that is inevitably coming his way.

 Heartbreak sucks.  I remember my first like it was yesterday (see Dear Thirteen Year Old Me), and it still stings a bit to remember almost thirty years later.  The sad thing is that I know there is nothing I can do to prepare him for what is coming, just as I was unprepared to have my heart broken again recently (see Psycho-Chicks and the Men that Create Them). I know that break ups are part of life, and that enduring them is the only way to grow stronger, but, the mom in me knows that I’m going to have to be restrained from killing this girl when she hurts my boy. (Disclaimer in case she dies in some mysterious manner- I’m not guilty and I’m sure I have an alibi!)

 But, break-ups don’t always have to be so awful.  Here, I list some of the not-so-heartbreaking reasons that my relationships have ended:
1.       Inappropriate laughter. I once broke up with a very nice (if kinda boring) man simply because he laughed out loud in the movie theater when a character said the words, “scrambled eggs”.
2.       Driving too slowly in the left lane. I broke up with a man once because his driving habits made me feel like I was perpetually stuck in traffic. 
3.       Olfactory offenses.  I broke up with a very handsome, internationally educated man because his fingers smelled like onions. It made me gag.
4.       Chair dancing. I broke up with a man who was trying to get his groove on by bopping his head to the beat. He looked like a dashboard bobble head, goofy grin included.  Very unsexy.
5.       Having a Velcro wallet. I think this one is self-explanatory.
6.       Driving a scooter.  And bragging about it.
7.       Admitting to being a felon. There’s not a better way to chase me away than to admit to vehicular manslaughter. (See Tips for Success with Women or What NOT to do on a First Date).
8.       Missing teeth.  Unless you are a professional hockey player, showing me that you can remove your teeth is disgusting and will cause me not to date you. Ever.
9.       Posturing. I ended a relationship that I had been pursuing for a long time, because the man referred to me as his property.  Actually, he told a man who hit on me in a bar that, “nobody pisses in his cornflakes”.  Charming. Not.
10.   Bringing up farm animals. In whatever context you might think it’s a good idea to compare a girl to a pig, horse, goat, or cow, I can assure you that it’s not.
So, there you have it. For every heartbreaking reason that a relationship ends, there could be a more ridiculous reason than you have ever considered. And, I wonder why I’m single….


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