I think I’m losing him…

09:01 Lissa Reed 2 Comments

Dear Dating-City-Girl,

I’ve been in this relationship for two years and the first year or so was the best of my life. He adored me and never hesitated to show me, he talked to me like my best friend, loved me like a boyfriend and protected me like I was a child. Of course we had our ups and downs, but in general he was everything I was looking for. Our relationship was fiery and full of passion. However, during the last 5 months or so something changed. It’s weird saying this because we are still together and if I ask anyone they will say that we are still the same as we were a year ago. But I can feel the changes; maybe they are perceptible only to me. And it’s all the little things. I don’t feel like he loves me as before. I feel him drifting away. He never holds me anymore, he never kisses my forehead, he never caresses my hair… I know it seems stupid, but I can feel him emotionally drifting away. I want to find a way for him to love me like he used to. I’m still the same, I haven’t changed and I still love him the same, I can’t afford to lose him, even though I can feel like he doesn’t love me as before and we are heading towards a break up. He never said anything, but I feel it coming.. What do you think I should do? How can I get him to love me like he used to? I don’t want to lose him…
Looking forward to your response,

Dear Crazy-In-Love,

  Thank you for your question and I know how bad that feels! I also know that sometimes you might feel like you are going crazy, because nothing changes when you see it as an outsider, but you know, deep inside, everything changed! A bump in the road is never good, but this sounds like a lot more than a bump. There’s something wrong here, but he won’t let you know what’s going on. You should brace yourself for all possible answers. To begin with, I’m not going to tell you to go talk to him about it and solve it together.. You don’t need me to tell you this, you probably either tried to talk to him about it and he said you’re crazy, or you just know that if you do try to talk to him about it that’s what’s going to happen.  So what you need to do, is try to win him back all over again. You said in your email to me that he protected you as if you were a child… and from my experience that’s the key to most successful relationships. I know it sounds a bit weird, but what you need to do here is get that back. It is in men’s nature to be the ‘protectors’. There’s nothing more of a confirmation to their manhood than a girl showing that she needs them in order to be safe. Don’t confuse this with being needy however! You need to ‘play with his buttons’ and make him feel like you need him, but not don’t asphyxiate him. He needs his space, but you have to show him that he can have that, but that you are there too; that you need him to keep you safe, to make you whole. If he gets to feel this again, then you’ll start winning him back all over again.

 Now even though my proposed solution is somewhat hard, it will only work if the relationship is just in a slump, and not if something is vitally wrong! So what else can be going wrong? Well, you might need to face the fact that that type of behavior is attributed to the fact that he might be cheating. I’m definitely not saying he is!! But if he’s involved with someone else, then this might explain his more distant behavior. Maybe he feels guilty, so he avoids it, or he started having feelings for someone else and is distancing himself from you; in which case, you might need to understand that appealing to his protective side won’t work here. I don’t suggest that you ask him if he’s cheating, because the chances are very slim and you might worsen the situation as well. But this should be something you should keep at the back of your mind and look for other signs of cheating, e.g. late working nights, smell of female perfume when he enters the house, unreturned phone calls, etc etc.

Finally, it might just be the case that he doesn’t love you as much anymore… I know it sucks, but sometimes it happens. And one of the greatest pains that someone can feel in a relationship is his love fading away, when you still love him the same! If that’s the case, then I’m not sure there’s anything you can do to win him back. If someone stops loving you, then it’s sad and hurts like hell, but you just have to face it.
If you are wondering what to do now, and how to know the reason behind his behavior, then I would suggest starting by appealing to his protective side, and take it from there. See how that goes and then just keep in mind to check for signs of cheating (if there are any…). If he just doesn’t love you anymore though, you’ll soon realize it.. I wish you the best of luck and I hope I helped
Lots of love,
Dating City Girl


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  2. It really does suck - but you are right - it does happen.