When did it stop being fun?

18:02 Lissa Reed 3 Comments

  I recall, only a few years ago, that falling in love was never scary or intimidating. It was fun, it was easy and it was simple. Being with someone only meant hanging out with them more often than usual and the occasional make out session in secret places where no one would find us. When did it all stop being fun? When did fun turn into a slump and when did easy and simple turn into tears and heartache? One minute you can’t wait to fall in love because it’s just easy and joyous and the next you tread the moment you get attached to someone because you know the pain that follows!

 Looking back at my failed relationships I only saw one heartache followed by yet another, greater one. But a few years ago, if I was to break up with someone it wasn’t a big deal. It was a ‘let’s stay friends’ and then no one kept in touch but it was just fine!  A few years ago, when I met my friend Javier, I realized that love doesn’t have to be complicated and difficult. He had been through a lot in his life, but then he was happily married and in love. He had it all. He was my role model. However, when one day, about three months ago, he told me that he and his partner were ‘taking a break’ I was shaken to the core! I realized that no matter how much we love each other, it’s never going to get easier. Not even after 6 years of living with each other! Love is always going to take effort and pain to make it work. ‘I love him, I really do… But it just got so hard’, I recall him telling me one day over coffee. I know he does, but that didn’t stop me from wondering: Does the pain and heartache we feel over someone ever go away or do they just get greater the more we love that person? For me, Javier was always the person that had all the answers and could use reason better than any of us could. But ‘taking a break’ is a sign that something went very wrong. I remember when ‘break’ used to be a good thing: coffee break, spring break. Now it’s just ‘break up’, ‘break down’…
 I just can’t help wondering: when did it all change? Did the pain come with age? It used to be phone conversations until 4 in the morning, now it’s just a girl crying over a phone with a half-empty bottle of ‘Jack Daniels’ wishing him to call. It used to be silly giggles and stupid jokes and now it’s bad sarcasm and tears we try so hard to hide! I still wonder why I still cry myself to sleep every night over Mat, with tears that no one will ever be allowed to see, but I was more than willing to trade any old boyfriend for anything more exciting that came my way without even second guessing it! Was my life better then? Why does it feel different now? Why does it feel like I’m choking on air every time I remember him? We didn’t even have many good memories together, but somehow I was happy to throw away boyfriends that offered me nothing but fond memories! Did I get off track somewhere? Did we all get bored with the happy endings and decided to trade in ‘Prince Charming’ for ‘Jesus of Suburbia’? Why can’t we just be happy?

  And if we do accept that the laughs and jokes are meant to be replaced by heartache and tears as we get older… do we ever get used to it? Or, horror of horrors, do we even choose it? Do we become addicted to the exquisite pain that comes with wanting someone so much that your heart literally aches? Do we need the pain to reassure us that we are actually in love and fear living without the one we want? Maybe we are designed to believe that unless we feel the pain and cry ourselves to sleep night after night over the same person, then we don’t really know how to love. No one said relationships don’t take effort… but do they really have to take so much?

  And last but not least, why does ‘falling out love’ mean feeling hollow? We used to fall out of love and go on with our lives as if nothing had happened. Now we fall out of love and we feel empty. No tears, no feelings, no memories… it’s all blank. Where did all the feelings go? I’m starting to feel that maybe there’s a certain amount of love, tears and pain that we allowed to feel or shed for each person and once we cross that limit then maybe it all just goes blank. Maybe after having felt a tremendous amount of pain that comes from love ourselves need to feel nothing for some time before going back to normal again.
 So maybe we are designed to feel the pain and the tears to learn from love. We need to live through the bad in order to appreciate the better things that will come our way…. Because after all, good things fall apart so that better things can fall into place.

COMMENT and tell me your experiences on how your feelings have changed when falling in love over the years. Tell me what you’ve learnt or what you felt.

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  1. It was a complete sudden stop in my life when my relationship with my fiancee came to a halt without any reason and he said that he has fallen for someone else, it was Dr. Stanley who helped me get back my fiancee with a love spell and now we are happily married, thanks a lot Dr. Stanley. If you need his help to restore your relationship back, you can contact him via drstanleyspelltemple@hotmail.com.-------Meggie

  2. I've learnt to sit back and relax a little. If it's going to happen it's going to happen.

    1. I think you are right, that's what we should do.. Everything will come at the right time!