Is He A Player?

07:04 Lissa Reed 0 Comments

  I guess that after being on a number of failed dates and after getting infatuated with someone that never called one too many times, you can’t help but undergo a change – probably for the best. It is unavoidable that upon entering the dating game you are bound to make some mistakes, just like any other game. But with some experience comes wisdom and you are finally able to tell apart the guys that are worth your time and the guys that just waste it. I never considered myself as able to tell apart who is interested in going out with me for brunch on a Sunday morning and who is just interested in taking me to bed on a Saturday night – and be gone by dawn! In other words, how do you tell apart a player? I realised that I have reached a point in my dating life that allows me to finally be able to tell those time-wasters apart and reject them without a second thought not long ago..

 A couple of weeks ago I went to a bar with Sandra and Emily. Sandra I’ve known for years, but Emily I had only met a couple of times before that night. As soon as we entered the bar I saw Emily scanning every man in there and I immediately knew she was looking for a date. Knowing Emily through her friends, I knew she’s not the kind of girl that is looking for a one night stand, she’s looking for a long term relationship. Unfortunately, she’s way to naive and way too new in the dating scene to recognise the difference between the guys that wanted to take her to bed that night and a guy that would really like to take her on a date. Not long after we had settled down with our drinks I saw a guy that she was eyeing for some time walking up to her and asking to buy her a drink. It took me about 10 seconds from the moment he approached our table to know that he was just another player, so I decided that the best thing to do was to tell Emily that he was just interested to have sex with her. She wouldn’t have it though and saying he was a really nice guy she joined him at his table for a drink fifteen minutes later.  I watched the way they spoke, the difference in their body language and his unbearable arrogance and I knew that the next morning she would be expecting a phone call that would never arrive.

 So how do you really tell apart a player? Next time you are in a bar take a good look around you. A player is usually flawless – perfect eyes, perfect hair, probably smart suit and definitely a million dollar smile as well! Looking at this guy, I could see him leaning on the bar with one arm, holding the drink with the other and flashing his intoxicating smile to Emily every time she spoke, while his eyes would wonder to any girl that would pass him by. A player asks questions about yourself, but he couldn’t care less about the answer. He believes that women just want to talk about themselves and if he seems interested in their life, it would get him what he wants. It starts out with his priceless smile, progresses with a compliment and before you know it he gently strokes your hair out of your face while sliding his other hand exactly on your waistline – not too high, not too low! That’s another thing about players: They make you want them way before they give it to you, which is how they end up taking so many girls to bed (and leave before they wake up).

  A player is never hideous; he won’t give you filthy or cheesy compliments, he will make you feel special, while not giving a fuck about what you say or what you do – I almost have to admit that it actually takes a great skill to do that.  It is often common to hear a player use the ‘we’ when talking – ‘we should go to this new cafe for brunch sometime’. And note this: there’s no time frame usually. It’s usually vague, they don’t make promises, just vague statements.

Yes, players are definitely a type of guy to stay clear from, but somewhere between the endless batting of Emily’s eyelashes and her hopeful smile, I couldn’t help but wonder: Are we just naive, or could it be worse?... Are we hopelessly romantic? Maybe we do tell the players apart, maybe we can even pinpoint them immediately upon entering a bar or a restaurant and we definitely have a gut feeling to run away as soon as one of those guys approaches us; but could it be that we jump into it willingly? It is true that settling down in a nice relationship is something desirable for most women,; But because most women are attracted to those –undoubtedly – highly skilful players, and because we all dream that our prince charming will be a bad boy at heart, it is possible that we decide to give the players a chance with the mere hope that we are the ones that will change them. We hope that we will finally hear them utter those three impossible little words and then we will ride off into the sunset together. I guess it’s one of those dreams that slap you into reality once you decide to follow them a few times and then you fail.

 So I guess you can’t tell a woman who to choose to date or not, and you definitely can’t change a man. But once every blue moon a woman will realise who is worth her time and who is not, and will date wisely. But until then we will all get deceived, wait for a phone call that will never happen, and get disappointed more than once; but there’s nothing wrong with that. Eventually we learn and move on to the next level of the dating game. And in case you are wondering, Emily turned out to be a hopeless romantic. She later admitted to us that she knew he was way into himself but he was just way too charming to decline spending some time with him. She spent the night with him, he asked for her number and – surprise, surprise – he never called!

 Have you ever had such an experience? Ever dated a player who changed into a decent guy? What are your thoughts? Comment and let me know!! 

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