Crossing over to the 'wild' side

16:53 Lissa Reed 0 Comments

 Love can be a torture... it might bring you sleepless nights, heartache, tears and it can drive you crazy with jealousy. So if there was a question, you would definitely answer that love hurts! The emotional pain that comes with love is an undeniable, and almost inseparable, part of falling in for someone. But... what happens when we cease to talk about the emotional pain that comes with love and begin to ponder on the physical pain that can come with sex. Just to make it clear from the beginning, this post is strictly about having sex and pushing your boundaries, with consent from both participants (or potentially more!). This post has nothing to do with any form of abuse in a relationship, without consent.

 Having made that clear, I now turn to ask you: when was the last time you pushed your boundaries during sex? If you have to stop and think about it, it’s probably been too long... or maybe never. As I have not so recently discovered, magic happens outside your comfort zone.... when it comes to sex as well. It’s definitely true that you never know what you like and what you don’t until you have tried it; however, there will always be a few things that you definitely know whether you are curious to try or whether you will never want to. And pushing your boundaries when it comes to sex is definitely one of those things. I know that for some of you my story might seem completely ‘mild’ and for some of you it might seem extreme, but for me... it was definitely pushing my boundaries.

  I started wondering how sex would be if it was a little more adventurous or a little more painful somewhere around my first year of sleeping with Mat (see Just sex... or something more?). Sure, Mat would give me the occasional ‘tug of the hair’, which I liked, but he never went beyond that. Naturally, when I asked him one night to try pulling a bit harder, he jumped right into it without thinking too much about it. Not long after that, pulling my hair, which seemed more than enough before, was not sufficient to satisfy my curiosity. It was around that time that I asked Mat to try spanking me... and to my pleasant surprise I found out that the harder he spanked me, the more I liked it. It wasn’t long before I started asking him to experiment with more things... Handcuffing, blindfolding, spanking and slapping in the face, choking... sometimes everything combined. Mat never refused to try anything I wanted to, and even though he never admitted to it, I believe that he discovered that he liked the same things when I asked him to try them with me. I remember myself asking Mat plenty of times to slap me harder, or choke me, when he was sometimes holding back. I remember plenty of times waking up the next morning with bruises, but in a way that’s the best part. It’s a little reminder of the time I had spent with him.

 So rough sex, whatever its definition might be, can be pleasurable and sometimes extreme, but... can it be compatible with love? If lovemaking is synonymous with gentleness and romanticism, how can choking and spanking be another way of making love and not just indulging to our animalistic nature? Can it be, that against popular opinion, slapping and handcuffing you is another way of showing his love for you? One night, somewhere between my haze from the time I spent with Mat and the memories that were keeping me awake, I couldn’t help but wonder... Is there a fine line that separates lovemaking from pure, wild sex? And if so, why did I feel like I was falling more and more in love with Mat after every night I spent with him, when naturally, we had crossed that line long ago? When a few months passed by, I realized that it didn’t matter how much he hurt me or humiliated me during sex... what really mattered was that we both liked it. So what if I was submissive? He loved being the dominant one. And what if I liked pain a little too much? He liked hurting me. I came to realize that the distorted relationship I had with Mat, was heavily based on our mutual desire for pushing our boundaries. You can love someone and still have sex with them the way you enjoy it. Love making is not all about romanticism; It’s about two people sharing mutual desires... and from my experience the more extreme the desires, the more intimate sex becomes.

Where do you draw the line?

If you don’t know what you like until you have tried it, then it should go without saying that you don’t know what you don’t like without trying it. At least that’s what had to happen in order to discover where I draw my line. But because I would still like to keep some of my privacy when it comes to these things, I will refrain from narrating that experience. But what I will tell you is this: don’t be afraid to try out new things; even things you never thought you would be doing. But keep in mind one thing: most of the time you have to give up control to someone else in these situations, so make sure you trust the other person 100% before exploring new territories when it comes to sex. Plus, you won’t enjoy it properly until you know that you are safe in the hands of the man you let take control of you.

  As for me, I haven’t trusted anyone as much as I trusted Mat until now, so I refrained from making sex more adventurous. But sooner or later I’m sure I’ll start trying new things again with someone that I trust; but until then... go out have fun, be safe and don’t be afraid to try new things... and then come back and leave a comment or send an email! I’d love to hear from you. Do you have any similar experiences? Comment and let me know! 

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