Should I End It?

15:34 Lissa Reed 0 Comments

Dear Dating City Girl,

  I am writing because I’m currently in what seems to be a dead end. I’ve been with my boyfriend for three years now. We had one of those relationships that most people wish to have; we were best friends and lovers. We had the best of times together and we had the worst of times together. We loved each other so much. We had our ups and downs, both of them were intense. But now, it’s been a few months that I feel that things have changed, on both ends. Don’t get me wrong, I still love him. But I don’t know if it’s because of habit or if I’m still in love with him. The past few months are kind of a haze for me. It feels like we are drifting apart. We are still together, but not really. We don’t talk to each other as much, we fight most of the time when we do and it just doesn’t feel the same anymore. I used to miss him every time I didn’t get to see him even for two days. Now I just don’t care that much. Sometimes I’m just bored. And when we are together, it rarely feels the same. There used to be a time when we couldn’t keep our hands off each other and we would never run out of things to say. Now I sometimes catch him staring at the ceiling lost in his thoughts, and sometimes I try to win him back, but sometimes I just don’t care to bother. Every time I fight for us to go back to the way we were, I find myself wondering whether I do it because I really want him in my life, if I miss the way we were or maybe just the idea of it, or if I just do it out of habit, just because I’m so used to being with him. I haven’t loved anyone else the way I love him... but the thing is I don’t know if I even love him that way anymore. Am I falling out of love?  I’m so lost. I’m thinking that maybe I should end it, but I don’t know if I should and for what. Please help me.


Dear lost-and-confused,

Thank you for your email. I’ve been there, and I was in such a state of confusion that I didn’t know what to do. It’s one of those times, that you can actually hear your brain scream louder than your heart, because your emotions don’t consume you anymore. Your mind is ‘split’, but not your heart. The only thing that you are heart is probably telling you, is that you should let go. What you are thinking though is that you love him, and that’s out of the question, but probably for the wrong reason. You will always love him, but staying with him because you are just used to it is a different matter. It’s not fair to you or to him, so do yourselves a favour and break it off. You don’t have to wait until it’s too late, and all your good memories get replaced by fights or nights that you both sat next to each other but felt miles apart. I get where you are coming from, but sometimes these things come to an end, and it’s better to end it on good terms, rather than waiting until you both get tired of each other and come to the point where you can’t stand each other.

 You should also keep in mind that the feeling of confusion that you feel right now, that feeling of not really wanting to bother... that’s falling out of love. I’ve been through that and it took me a while to realize what it was. There’s no specific feeling that can describe it,
besides emptiness. It’s sort of a time period that you go through a phase where you feel blank. You don’t feel hurt or heartbroken, but you don’t feel in love, happy or content. You basically and literally feel nothing. And once in a while, every blue moon, you feel depressed. You recall all the good memories that you had with the person who is probably laying next to you in bed, look at him and miss the good moments that are long gone. However, when that feeling comes you know that what you miss most of all, is the idea of him, or the idea of you two together. What you don’t miss is him specifically. You are in love with the idea of love, but not with the person. That’s how you know you are falling out of love. And if that’s what you are going through, it’s better to end it sooner rather than later... And let me tell you why!

 Imagine three months from now, you two fighting and shouting every day. And every time you two decide to meet it’s more of a burden to you than it is a pleasure. You two either fight to the point where you don’t talk to each other for months or you go to the other extreme where you ignore each other’s presence. It’s like there is an elephant in the room that you don’t talk about. And for what? So that you spend so much time replacing all the good memories you had together with fights, tears or just ignorance and at the end possibly even hatred. Do you really want to get there? I don’t think so. So do both of you a favour and end it now. You’ll see that when your recover from the break up, you will still be able to reserve for each other the respect that you both deserve and you will look back to your relationship and recall fond memories instead of just fights and tears.

  It’s great that you managed to share so many good years together, but good things sometimes do end, and you might both love each other but what you two had is over. So let go sooner rather than later, whatever happens from now is just too little too late. Get back on your feet and look ahead, both of you, go on with your lives, don’t get stuck in a dead-end relationship.

I hope I have helped you and that you will decide to do what’s best for you in the end.

Lots of love,

Dating City Girl 

What do you think? Have I given he right advice? What would you do differently? Comment and let me know!!

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