The Art of Avoiding Responsibility for Your Failed Relationships


Relationships fail. It hurts and it’s awful, but it’s a hard and cold fact and there’s nothing we can do about that. However, we go through all the pain of getting over a lover after the relationship has failed; do we really have to deal with all the things that we’ve done wrong and ended up in this situation? Personally I’ve always been the kind of person to take the blame for anything; even if something was not my fault, I would always find it easier to blame it on me and try to make it right, rather than wait for the other person to apologize. But by the years I’ve learnt that it just keeps crushing me over and over again, so I learn to let go of things and realized that it was much easier to let things figure themselves out rather than keep hurting myself with taking responsibility of everything.If you want to get away with all of the things that you did wrong and probably brought your relationship to the end, keep reading to find out The Art of Avoiding Responsibility for Your Failed Relationships!

The Art of Avoiding Responsibility for Your Failed Relationships


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Cuddling Time... Maybe Not?




 Sitting in an overly long flight with my only company the latest issue of Cosmo it would be unavoidable that my mind would wonder off and try to answer the next big dating question for me: did cuddling replace sex? I have been going over this question in my mind for probably the past month and was trying to decide how much cuddling actually means in a relationship!  To get things straight to begin with, I’m not a cuddler! And I’m not especially ‘touchy’ either. So if I just had sex with someone I will lie around in bed for a good twenty minutes or so and then if the other person is good-to-go for another round, great; otherwise, I want to get up and go about with my day – or night’s sleep, if it’s nighttime!

 I realize that when dating someone who is the touchy and ‘cuddly’ type means that I have to meet the other person somewhere in between. But how do I bring myself to actually like cuddling? Don’t get me wrong, I love having Gabriel in my bed and spending time with him, but I never understood those girls that love to fall asleep in the guy’s arms! How is that even comfortable? I’m used to be sleeping on my own, most of the time taking over a whole double bed – and I love it! I can deal with sharing the bed though, but not with not having my own space. It’s all too romantic, seeing a couple in the magazines cuddling and pretending to be asleep, but really how is that possible? The guy’s arm is probably ‘dead’ after 10 minutes of lying on it, the girl’s hair is all over his face and not to mention the extra arm that probably goes flying above the guy’s head because he simply has nowhere to put it! And personally, I can’t fall asleep if someone’s touching me. I usually kept all these to myself, because I thought I was just weird, but when I discussed it with Sandra, she found it perfectly reasonable! I recall her telling me “The guy I’m seeing now is all about cuddling. The other night he put his arms around me, wrapped his fingers in mine, crossed our hands on top of my chest and he fell asleep! How the hell do they do it?” After we laughed a lot about it she embarrassingly admitted that after a few minutes she pretended to push him away in her sleep, but truth is she was wide awake and just couldn’t take it anymore. And it’s not just that, honestly who has the time to cuddle for an hour or so? With a crazy-busy schedule like mine, I don’t have the time to lie there and hold each other for hours. I will either get some much needed sleep, or get up and get things done. No time to lie around and do nothing!


 When I ran into an old friend who is all about the romance and the cuddling I couldn’t help but ask her: is it the sex or the cuddling the makes you sleep with someone? She paused for a moment and then admitted “Now that you mention it, it’s the making out and the intimacy before and after sex that I want mostly”. And I wasn’t even surprised, knowing her, she gave me the definition of every girl’s dream, especially at this age!
 And just when you think it’s just the girls that do it…. Here I am flipping through the latest issue of Cosmo and I come across an article about guys going through a ‘dry spell’. What really caught my eye though was the number of guys that said: “I don’t miss the sex that much. It’s mostly the intimacy, lying in bed afterwards and holding each other!” Did the roles get reversed while I was busy taking over my king-size bed? Are cuddlers taking over the world now? Is this what’s considered romantic these days? Whatever happened to a good old fashioned rose-bouquet as the definition of romance? That was convenient and no one missed their sleep!  If you ask me I’d take passion over romance any time! And it’s just really hard to say this to someone and explain that you like them just the same but you just don’t want to have them all over you, all the time!

 But having said that, I have to admit that it’s beautiful knowing that when you want someone to hold you, there will be someone there for you. And that’s amazing, as long as it’s not all the time. I’d give it half an hour tops after sex and then I’ll give up. So even though cuddling is good in theory and oh-so intimate, maybe it’s not for everyone! Maybe I’ll get used to it, or maybe I’ll have to tell the other person someday that I need them to meet me somewhere in between and keep their hands to themselves for a while.

How many of you out there are ‘cuddlers’?  And can anyone explain how they sleep in someone else’s arms? Is there anyone that might agree with me? I’d love to hear your opinion on this! Comment and let me know what you think! 
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No New Messages: The Awful Truth!

  



 In my very first post (The Newbie), I talked about women who wander whatever happened to the nice guy they had a couple of fun dates with… Why did he never text? Well, who hasn’t been that girl that kept her phone within reaching distance at all times, waiting for that text that never arrived?  We’ve all been there, even the ones that never admitted it. However, after going on one-too-many dates you realise that it’s not worth the trouble and the only person that the whole process upsets, it’s you! What happens when you wait for that text or phone call that more often than not, never arrives?

So you’ve been on a couple of successful dates (or so you thought!), maybe even slept with that guy and it all seems to be going well… when he suddenly stops contactunbg you! You say to yourself that he will text, he’s just too busy, he’s caught up in work, he’s tired, he’ll text tomorrow… and it just takes way too much effort and patience for you until you give up! You walk around with your phone in your hand instead of your purse, keeping it next to you even when you are working, checking it the second you come back from the toilet, just in case something changed in the past minute and a half (that is, if you don’t take it in the toilet with you!) and you just get disappointed every time you unlock your screen and find no new messages or missed phone calls. What’s worse, you jump every time you hear your phone ring, and get disappointed when you see it’s either friends or family! Sounds familiar? Let me tell you what, that was me as well until probably a year or so ago.
So what do you do next? Call up all your friends and obsess over it! Invite them over for coffee (which turns into one-too-many glasses of wine) and a movie (which of course you end up not watching because you never shut up!) and start obsessing about it all over again. And for what? So that your friends can console you with the same sad excuses you’ve been giving yourself! Because it’s a different kind of feeling when someone actually confirms the lies that you’ve been telling yourself! “He’s just too busy honey! He’s caught up in work, he will text tomorrow or by the end of the week. I’m sure you haven’t done anything wrong!”   

When is it time to learn from our mistakes? After how many failed dates do we finally admit to ourselves that there is an elephant in the room, which it’s about time we acknowledge! Here’s the awful truth about why you will see No New Messages (from him): He’s Just Not That Into You!!! It doesn’t matter how busy someone is, how tired or caught up in work, if someone wants to talk to you he’ll take 3 minutes out his crazy schedule and bother to send a text, even to say: “Hey, work is crazy today, hope your day is going well!” And that’s all it takes. If he hasn’t done that, it’s because he doesn’t want to, not because he can’t; so stop making up excuses for him! How’s that for a little dose of reality? It’s too bad that the guy you like doesn’t like you back, but suck it up and move on! By making up excuses, the only thing you are achieving is just prolonging the time that you will finally unglue your phone from your hand! Of course there’s always the choice of texting him! But for what? He will either ignore it, or reply politely (which is the right thing to do!)… but even so, does that help at all? It won’t change the way he sees you, you are just giving time and effort into something that is not worth it. 
 
 If you will ever be able to acknowledge the Awful Truth before it’s too late and you obsess for endless weeks about him, you need to feel content in your life. You have to recognise that your life is full as it is and it would be nice to have him in it, but you’ll be just fine without him. You might have done nothing wrong, he just lost interest. Maybe it's your fault, but that's the point of making mistakes: we learn as we go along. And it’s ok, you’ll find someone else who will appreciate you. But until then, ladies, let your phones in your handbags, nothing will change if you don’t check them for an hour and stop obsessing about him to your friends. Think how much quality time you could spend with your loved ones if you stop mumbling about the guy that got away!!
 Do you think I’m right? If not, what are the reasons that he might not be texting? Comment and let me know your thoughts!


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Start Detoxing From Love



 There’s always something idealistic about dreaming our life, full of joy and success, but with Prince Charming always by our side. No matter how much we want to achieve and how far we want to go, Prince Charming is always the leading man in our stories, and everything else that comes along is a welcome side story. How does that sound to you for a little dose of love? I’d say we are pretty much in over our heads with it! As much as we want our life to resemble ‘The Notebook’, I can’t help but think that maybe we are too addicted to love… Is it time to Start Detoxing from Love?

How To Start Detoxing from Love

Want to know all the ways you can start Detoxing from Love? Click HERE to read the rest of this post on SinglesWarehouse and let me know what you think with a comment!
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Can A Past Relationship Affect A Present One?




It would be childish and frankly a big lie if we say that once in while, when things get a bit rocky with our current love, we don’t look back on what went wrong with our last relationship and throw the blame on our past lover. In a world where we carry not only baggage of everything that we screwed up in our past, but baggage of every relationship that screwed us over as well, I can’t help but wonder: Can a Past Relationship Affect a Present One?

Just how much Can a Past Relationship Affect a Present one?


Want to see the rest of this article? Click HERE to read my latest post on SinglesWarehouse and tel me what you think!! 
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First (Few) Dates Tips



 It is a truth universally acknowledged that every time you go on a first day, you feel like you are on a job interview. That's the way it goes: you try to learn more things about the other person, but you can't avoid asking the standard questions: where are you from? where did you live before moving here? Where did you go to university? and the list goes on. It would seem easier if we just exchanged CVs before the first dates to avoid those questions. However, those first few dates that you go with someone can be sweet, especially when you get a goodnight kiss outside your front door, after you've given the guy your best lean-in-and-kiss-me move. But in order to get there, we must be careful not to over do it with certain things and even more careful not do some other certain things. And because the articles that give just first dates tips are overestimated and can be found literally everywhere, I decided that this post should include a list of the things that we should be careful with on the first few dates that we go with someone; even after the first date has gone great!

1. Don't Dress To Impress: We all love our little black dress that leaves very little to the imagination of the guy (!); but wouldn't it better if on such occasions we let that dress buried deep at the back of our closet? As nice as your ass looks in that dress, it won't earn you any brownie points, unless what you're looking for is to get laid on that night. Those first few dates are for you to get to know each other, not to give him a preview of what he's gonna get if he's nice! Keep it simple and casual. If you overdress you'll probably intimidate him and it will seem that you are expecting much more than you will be getting!

2 Don't open the ex-files: No one wants to give a run-down of all of their failed relationships in front of a new potential one. And even though you might be dying to learn all the gory details of all his past lovers and what went wrong, you must also keep in mind that the good thing about a new relationship is that it's a clean slate. You don't need to carry all the baggage from your failed previous relationships into this one, and neither should the other person. Having said that though, it is true that a glimpse into his past love life will give you a better idea about the potential of this relationship, but try to do it at the best possible timing. Maybe the later the better though. And try not to carry out a background investigation about the other person through every social network that exists, which I know can be hard. But truth is, he will tell you everything you need to know when the time is right.

3. Don't get drunk! This advice comes from a guy: there is nothing worse than a girl who can't drink responsibly! It's a huge turn-off! Last thing you want on your first dates with someone is the undesirable but unavoidable effect of alcohol over consumption: you think you are prettier and smarter that you actually are! I know we all get that feeling of being incredibly desirable after one-too-many drinks, but it's not true! So keep your alcohol consumption to the minimum, don't mix your drinks and for fuck's sake stay away from the tequila shots!



4. Don't jump into bed with him: Trust me, I know how hard it is to want someone during your first few dates, going back home and thinking about how it would be sleeping with them, especially after you get a glimpse of his skillful foreplay techniques. But, try to resist the urge! Jumping into bed with a guy way too soon will just confuse you about where this is going, what he sees you for and what to emotionally invest in it. Just do it when the time feels right and you have things clear in your head. And if it proves to be hard, just think about this: if one hour of foreplay and harmless over-the-clothes action with him can leave you lusting for more, imagine how it would be after four or five dates of this! Just call it a 'prolonged foreplay' with a great pay off when it actually happens.

5. Be Discreet: You are just getting to know someone, you are not yet prat of his life and if you want to be, you better be discreet. Accept that he has a personal life which at the moment doesn't fully include you, so give him his space. If for example his phone rings while you are on a date with him, don't ask him who it was as soon as he hangs up! It's none of your business. Chances are he will tell you anyway, but even if he doesn't, don't be curious about it. It's the rest of his personal life calling to remind you that he has one!

6. Don't reveal too much too soon: Even though you want the other person to get to know you as well as possible (and vice versa) don't fall in the trap of revealing too much too soon. There's something irresistible about someone who is not giving it all upfront and leaves some things untold. It's also logical that you might not want to talk about your bad past experiences to someone you are just getting to know. If he happens to ask a very personal question, just avoid it politely: smile and tell him "Maybe some other time". And that solves it! You are polite, you show him that there are things you are not yet ready to reveal and you might do it later on!



7. Be yourself: There's nothing sexier and more attractive than a girl who is comfortable in her skin! Just be yourself, be honest, admit you made mistakes, laugh out loud and have a great time. No need to lie or be pretentious. He will immediately pick up on it and you will just seem sad and desperate. Just be yourself, no one can do it better than you and nothing will be ever more interesting than that!

So there you have it, the full list that will make your first few dates simply unforgettable! Do you have any more tips to add? Anything you agree or disagree with? Comment below and let me know!
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