With Tinder making such a massive appearance in the world of dating, I found it unavoidable not to write anything about it. I actually avoided writing anything about it because I felt that I couldn’t make my mind up about how I feel, but after a while I decided that maybe it’s time to put my thoughts down in writing.

For those of you who don’t know - and I imagine it’s very few of you - Tinder is a dating application. It’s really easy to use, you sign up with Facebook, a few photos of you get uploaded and then you go through a list of guys, swiping left if you don’t like them and right if you do. If two of you swipe right to each other then it’s a match and you can start talking to each other. It’s basically an application that lets you decide solely on looks, and occasionally people may write a couple of sentences about themselves, or a quote. It’s nothing more than that.

Swiping Right for.. Tinder!

Tinder is easy to use, it’s simple and the best thing about it is that you don’t get random messages from people you don’t like or weirdos that keep texting you because you never replied to them. You choose who you talk to.

I downloaded Tinder maybe a year ago, and I found myself flipping through photos of numerous guys pointlessly for nights on end. I actually dated a couple of guys for a while from Tinder, but it didn’t work out. Gabriel was the first guy I met from Tinder ( see When is it Too Early to Start Liking Someone?) and Aaron was the second (see Threesomes...Three Times the Pleasure or the Trouble?). None of them worked out for separate reasons, but I had a good time with both of them while it lasted. Many of my friends started using Tinder after that. Shayla for example, met a guy through Tinder quite recently and things have been going quite well. One of my friends however, got introduced to Tinder tonight! She knew all about it, but never actually bothered to download it. When we had the conversation about the most fashionable dating application of the day, Vivi suddenly told us that she never used it. We had her signed up in five minutes and there she was tindering away all night long...

Swipe Left for... Tinder!

I have to admit, it was somehow exciting seeing someone that had not used Tinder getting carried away with it on the first night of using it. In fact, she got so absorbed that she hardly spoke to us for an hour. After sometime I decided to go see what was going on and I found her looking at photos and swiping left within milliseconds of looking at someone. When I asked her why she never swiped right she said ‘No one is my type’. How is that even possible? She swiped through photos of all types of men: blondes, brunettes, tall, short, with beard, clean-shaven, blue-eyed, dark-eyed, and the list goes on and on. How could she not find anyone she liked?

And suddenly the excitement that I had for introducing her to Tinder, faded away. I knew that Vivi is really picky when it comes to guys, but while I watched her aimlessly swiping left to tens of guys and then looking up to her expressionless face, I couldn’t help but wonder: How vain do we really become with this application? We look at someone and decide we don’t like them because his nose is too big, or his hair is too long, or his beard is too long, or because he’s making a silly face or wearing a bright coloured T-shirt. But honestly, are all these grounds for dismissal? We tend to forget that all these are people, and someone that you might have thought has a big nose, might turn out to be the real deal. We learn to take a look on someone and decide whether we like them or not, but whatever happened to physical contact? I walk around London and see people fetching their morning Startbucks while flipping through photos on Tinder, but what do they really think about when they flip through those photos?

And that’s the least of it. Apparently, having talked to both guys and girls that have used Tinder, I found out that there are two main opinions out there about men and women on tinder: The men are just looking to get laid and apparently, the women on Tinder are emotionally fucked up! Who says these things? As if it’s not enough that both sexes fall into gender social construction every minute of every day in the real world, we have to go through the stereotyping in the world of Tinder as well?

After a while, Vivi looked up and just said ‘This is sad’. She switched off her phone and threw it on the couch. And seriously, who’s to blame her? This is sad! We judge people based on their appearance in two photographs and then we expect to find Prince Charming. Let me tell you, you won’t find him riding his horse and posing with his sword in hand for his Tinder profile photo. So put your phone down and look around you. You might miss bumping into someone in the middle of the street that you could potentially like because you have your face glued on your phone. Whatever happened to the good old fashioned way of meeting guys? A simple, ‘the weather seems promising today’ to the cute guy next to you at your local Starbucks, might gain you a good conversation and potentially a date.

You can keep tinder if it’s just for fun, but for all of you out there that expect to find a real relationship out of it, let me tell you it’s even harder than the real world. As for me, I might still log on Tinder every now and then before falling asleep at night for a few minutes, but I don’t believe that anything serious might come out of it. And maybe I will meet a few more guys, but I stopped thinking that’s the way to go. I just do it for fun now and if anything good comes out of it then great and if not... I didn’t have high standards for this application to begin with.

What do you think? Have you used Tinder? Please comment and share your experience with me!

I usually use a different man for every post I write and narrate my story. This time I won’t; and the primary reason for this is that every single man I ever dated was older than me. Some of them with as few years difference as 5 and some of them up to 16 years of age difference. And I know I’m not alone, I know there are a lot of you out there who prefer dating older men, for different reasons. But all of you that have dated an older man know there is a bad side to it, as well as the benefits. This post will give you the reasons for dating an older man, how to handle them and why more often than not, dating an older man doesn’t work out!

Dating an older man: Why we do it

Well this should be straight forward. An older man is more mature. At every age, from the teenage years until young adulthood, it is commonly known that women are more mature than men. So it is only natural for a woman to turn to an older man, who will at least have the same level of maturity as her, if not even more. Another reason is that they have experience, in every aspect of life. You can count on him to give you a good advice and listen to you. But experience comes with age in every aspect... So naturally, an older man can be expected to be much better in bed than a guy in his twenties. To put it not so mildly: he’s been around the block and knows how to use his cock. You can expect an older man not only to give you multiple orgasms but also to teach you lot of things in bed that you probably had no idea until now.

Above all, an older man is charming. But, unless you are the kind of girl that goes for older men, you won’t be able to understand this. Trying to explain this to many of my friends I realised I was short of words... which makes me wonder: why is it so hard to explain what is charming about the men we choose? What is it about an older man? Is it the small wrinkles around his eyes every time he smiles or the grey hair that just started showing? After having dated older men for the past 6 years, I still can’t decide.

Dating an Older Man: How To Do It

If you are interests include staying out until 5 in the morning every night, mixing cheap brands of wine and vodka just to get wasted or your number one hobby is ‘shoes’ then dating an older man is definitely not for you. For the rest of you, if you happen to date an older man, you should know that there would be a number of different places that he would choose to go different your friends', and he would probably be in a different state in his life. So while he doesn’t expect you to tell him how many children you want to have in the future, because you simply have no idea yet, he definitely does not want to hear about your friend who got wasted and threw up all over the night bus. How about finding a common topic of conversation? It is only natural that you would have less knowledge on most topics, and that’s ok. That’s one of the reasons you choose him anyway, you learn from someone that knows more from you. Don’t be scared to be naive sometimes; once again, it’s fine. You are still learning, and he probably will find that adorable. Try to relate to him with your experience, to find out his interests and show interest, you’ll learn something new with him all the time.

Do you ever wonder what is the reason an older man chooses to date us? He likes taking charge, so let him. It’s beautiful most of the time. He knows you are a strong independent woman, but he’s gone around the block way more many times that you have. Let him protect you, let him care and watch and learn. Enjoy it. You can let him take control if you trust him; you will find pleasure in it and he will secretly love it.

I sometimes find it hard to understand why older men will choose us... but after thinking about it for a while, I came to think of it as a fair deal: you both get something out of it. He likes you because you are young, fresh, full of energy and life, and you remind him of years past. And you like him because he’s mature, charming and possibly (in the best of cases) you see in him something you want to become in a few years time. So if possible, let him inspire you. He probably knows what he wants from life and hopes that you will be the same in a few years. You might see in him a path you want to follow.

Dating an Older Man: Why It doesn’t work out

As you probably have seen for yourself, if you do date older men, more often than not, it doesn’t last for long. You might be the one to end it, or he might be the one, but it really doesn’t matter because often it’s due to one of the most common reasons.

If your relationship with an older man has ended it could be primarily because you are in two different places at the moment. And that’s only natural: he’s been where you are, and you are yet to get where he is now. He’s probably going to be one step one ahead of you whatever you do in life. You both probably want different things – and it’s only natural. I would say that something is wrong if you both were on the same page. But that’s what’s beautiful about it! Yes, this might be expirational dating, and you know this isn’t going anywhere from the minute you jump into a relationship with an older man. No, he is not Prince Charming and he is not the man of your dreams – you probably won’t get married, have lots of babies nor ride off into the sunset. Also, you might find yourself falling in love with him, much before he does- if he does. Again, that’s only natural: you are young, naive and still learning. I know I’ve been there. It doesn’t always end nicely – he might leave you, long before you see it coming or you mind leave him,, because you realise this is doomed. You might get hurt, but when it’s all over, you’ll know it was a great experience – I always see it this way. You learn a lot more than you thought you could in a relationship and you mostly have good memories – and don’t get me started on how much you can learn in bed. He might make you consider doing things that didn’t even cross your mind.

I know what you are thinking: ‘if I know it’s doomed even before it starts, why bother?’ And you are right! But unless you have been there, you won’t know why it’s worth doing it. If you have been there, I hope this article has helped you find some reasoning in what you do; and also helped you see you are not alone. If you haven’t been there, maybe now there’s a chance you’ll consider something new. And if not, then it’s just something more to learn about dating.

Have you ever dated an older man? How was your experience? How far did the relationship go? Comment and let me know your thoughts!!!

I once read somewhere that a threesome is one of the most common sexual fantasies amongst people. And it is true, that asking around you will find out that either most people have had a threesome, or want to... at least in theory. When it comes to me, a threesome is one of my sexual fantasies as well... but I can’t help wondering why I turned down the opportunity to make it come true. Naturally therefore, this story differs from my previous ones, as it doesn’t only involve me and a guy I dated, but also his wife.

I met Aaron probably 4 months ago, during the busiest time of my final year. He’s 37 and had just moved to London from the States. But Aaron is married. At the time he was separated, his wife had not moved to London and from what he told me, he had an open relationship with her throughout their marriage. As much as I respect their choices, the only reason I thought it was acceptable to date him, was the fact that he was separated. But, what impressed me mostly was how patient he was with me, when I couldn’t meet up with him and after seeing him briefly a couple of times I had to take off for a month. I didn’t think much of it at the time, because I was sure that we would lose touch by the time I returned to London. In my mind there was no way that he would wait for me until I came back. So imagine my surprise when Aaron not only waited for me to return to London, but he also kept in touch with me for two months while I was away. Despite having my doubts about dating him, I thought that someone that waited for so long to see me was worth a shot.

A week after my return to London, I arranged to see him for a quick drink somewhere between our busy schedules. I was about to tell him that I wasn’t sure about dating him, and maybe it would be best to just leave it, but little did I know.. He informed me that his wife had moved to London to a new job, and they were back together, but still in an open relationship. My first thought was that I was putting myself in a mess... again! Really, had I not learnt anything from my experience with Mat and Nick? You never get involved with a man who shares his feelings for you... it always ends badly! Anyhow, thinking that I have learnt my lesson and half way through preparing my polite refusal to date him again, he dropped a bomb: “I showed my wife some photos of you and she wants to meet you. How about we go for a drink, all three of us?” He showed me photos of her, to which I had to admit she was drop dead gorgeous and then he informed me that she was bisexual. Before I had time to process everything, he asked me if I wanted to join them... in bed. I was shocked, but the proposal somehow intrigued me. I always wanted to try a threesome, it’s one of my greatest fantasies... then why the hell did I feel like this wasn’t the right thing to do? I wanted to say yes and no at the same time, so in order to avoid sounding like a complete psycho I said I would think about it.

I came back home the same day feeling confused but excited. I started discussing it with Kate, who stopped me halfway and said “You are not seriously considering it right?” and then she walked out on me. After contemplating it for a while, I decided it was time to call in more help. I invited Shayla and Vivi last night and over some wine I decided to tell them the whole story. Both of them admitted that a threesome was one of their biggest sexual fantasies, but each one of them wanted it differently: Vivi would prefer two guys to join her and Shayla wasn’t sure she could do it with people she knew, so she would rather be with two people that she would never have to face again. I on the other hand, disagreed. My ideal fantasy would be another guy and a girl. So why was I still thinking about it? When Vivi asked if I wanted to do it, I said ‘I don’t know’, and then she said in a serious tone: “Don’t do it then. If you wanted to do it, you would know”.

By now I know I won’t do it. As much as the proposal intrigues me and excites me, I decided not to jump into something I’m not quite sure about. But if a threesome has always been on the top of my sexual fantasies list, I can’t help but wonder... what really makes me say no? Am I really that old-fashioned or is this something I don’t want to do with practically two strangers? Are threesomes really that exciting for me or was I so jaded that I wanted to do something completely different when I delayed saying no?

After some time, I realised that a threesome is an amazing idea in theory... but in practice, at least for me, all the right conditions need to take place. I would never have a threesome with two strangers. I will probably say yes, when it’s a man that I know and I trust and have another girl join us. Or maybe it will never happen. But at least now I know that I made the right choice. Magic might happen outside your comfort zone, but maybe I’m not ready to jump so far away from it.

What do you think about threesomes? Ever had one? Is it as exciting as they make it be or is it way overrated? Comment and let me know!

As much as it is unavoidable to exclude online dating, when it comes to relationships in the past few years, all of us must admit that every now and then we find it boring and way too monotonous. When a normal profile becomes as boring to read as any of the Twilight books, and when you find yourself swiping to the left on your dating mobile application, one cannot help but wonder if anything new is coming to spice up online dating a little bit! How many times did we really look at someone’s dating profile picture and think whether he really is as good looking as the photo, or whether this was just taken on a good angle? How many times did you go out on a date and realized that your date is just no how you thought he would be, or maybe he doesn’t sound as you thought he would sound. As weird as this may seem, the voice of a man is one of the first things that a woman notices. So what if there was a way to overcome those little drawbacks of online dating?

Tickr is a new dating website that allows you to do a lot more than read someone’s profile picture. It allows you to see them in motion – by including a video! By ending the ambiguous nature of hook-up apps and getting rid of inaccurate algorithms and laborious compatibility questions like other dating sites, Tickr gives users access to the strongest tool at their disposal – gut instinct.

So How Does It Work?

Members create short videos (up to 30 seconds) displaying their interests, hobbies and personalities, earning 'ticks' if they are liked and 'icks' if they are not. A video can be just about anything, from talking, dancing, fooling around or even singing, if you are feeling confident! And here’s the best part: you don’t have to sit around to think of a video to film to upload on Tickr. You can just use any video you might find in your phone that you happen to like, and upload it easily, as the website also has its own iphone application. You could just Tickr on-the-go. Once members mutually tick each other - it's a match and the conversation can then begin through text or video messaging. As well as browsing securely through videos, Tickr also provides a complete user experience - members can use the site to book dates through partners such as online restaurant site Bookatable, plus many more.

On top of the numerous facilities outlined above, tickr combines a stylish website design with an ease of use to any user, making it easy to navigate around, entertaining to read the profiles and avoiding the monotonous search of online dating profiles that other websites tend to have.

How Can I Join?

It’s simple and it’s easy... and if you hurry up it’s free as well! For a limited amount of time, Tickr is free to join. Just visit: www.trustyourtickr.com and receive a free, lifetime membership. It’s something new, something exciting and who knows? Maybe Mr. Right is right there! After that, standard monthly membership will be £10.

Love can be a torture... it might bring you sleepless nights, heartache, tears and it can drive you crazy with jealousy. So if there was a question, you would definitely answer that love hurts! The emotional pain that comes with love is an undeniable, and almost inseparable, part of falling in for someone. But... what happens when we cease to talk about the emotional pain that comes with love and begin to ponder on the physical pain that can come with sex. Just to make it clear from the beginning, this post is strictly about having sex and pushing your boundaries, with consent from both participants (or potentially more!). This post has nothing to do with any form of abuse in a relationship, without consent.

Having made that clear, I now turn to ask you: when was the last time you pushed your boundaries during sex? If you have to stop and think about it, it’s probably been too long... or maybe never. As I have not so recently discovered, magic happens outside your comfort zone.... when it comes to sex as well. It’s definitely true that you never know what you like and what you don’t until you have tried it; however, there will always be a few things that you definitely know whether you are curious to try or whether you will never want to. And pushing your boundaries when it comes to sex is definitely one of those things. I know that for some of you my story might seem completely ‘mild’ and for some of you it might seem extreme, but for me... it was definitely pushing my boundaries.

I started wondering how sex would be if it was a little more adventurous or a little more painful somewhere around my first year of sleeping with Mat (see Just sex... or something more?). Sure, Mat would give me the occasional ‘tug of the hair’, which I liked, but he never went beyond that. Naturally, when I asked him one night to try pulling a bit harder, he jumped right into it without thinking too much about it. Not long after that, pulling my hair, which seemed more than enough before, was not sufficient to satisfy my curiosity. It was around that time that I asked Mat to try spanking me... and to my pleasant surprise I found out that the harder he spanked me, the more I liked it. It wasn’t long before I started asking him to experiment with more things... Handcuffing, blindfolding, spanking and slapping in the face, choking... sometimes everything combined. Mat never refused to try anything I wanted to, and even though he never admitted to it, I believe that he discovered that he liked the same things when I asked him to try them with me. I remember myself asking Mat plenty of times to slap me harder, or choke me, when he was sometimes holding back. I remember plenty of times waking up the next morning with bruises, but in a way that’s the best part. It’s a little reminder of the time I had spent with him.

So rough sex, whatever its definition might be, can be pleasurable and sometimes extreme, but... can it be compatible with love? If lovemaking is synonymous with gentleness and romanticism, how can choking and spanking be another way of making love and not just indulging to our animalistic nature? Can it be, that against popular opinion, slapping and handcuffing you is another way of showing his love for you? One night, somewhere between my haze from the time I spent with Mat and the memories that were keeping me awake, I couldn’t help but wonder... Is there a fine line that separates lovemaking from pure, wild sex? And if so, why did I feel like I was falling more and more in love with Mat after every night I spent with him, when naturally, we had crossed that line long ago? When a few months passed by, I realized that it didn’t matter how much he hurt me or humiliated me during sex... what really mattered was that we both liked it. So what if I was submissive? He loved being the dominant one. And what if I liked pain a little too much? He liked hurting me. I came to realize that the distorted relationship I had with Mat, was heavily based on our mutual desire for pushing our boundaries. You can love someone and still have sex with them the way you enjoy it. Love making is not all about romanticism; It’s about two people sharing mutual desires... and from my experience the more extreme the desires, the more intimate sex becomes.

Where do you draw the line?

If you don’t know what you like until you have tried it, then it should go without saying that you don’t know what you don’t like without trying it. At least that’s what had to happen in order to discover where I draw my line. But because I would still like to keep some of my privacy when it comes to these things, I will refrain from narrating that experience. But what I will tell you is this: don’t be afraid to try out new things; even things you never thought you would be doing. But keep in mind one thing: most of the time you have to give up control to someone else in these situations, so make sure you trust the other person 100% before exploring new territories when it comes to sex. Plus, you won’t enjoy it properly until you know that you are safe in the hands of the man you let take control of you.

As for me, I haven’t trusted anyone as much as I trusted Mat until now, so I refrained from making sex more adventurous. But sooner or later I’m sure I’ll start trying new things again with someone that I trust; but until then... go out have fun, be safe and don’t be afraid to try new things... and then come back and leave a comment or send an email! I’d love to hear from you. Do you have any similar experiences? Comment and let me know!

As much as dating is fun and adventurous, every once in a while you (and everyone else!) will turn to ask someone else's opinion, someone who see the situation objectively or someone who has maybe gone through the same thing as you. And for this reason, SinglesWarehouse has created the 'Ask the Experts' Section in the website where you can send any question about dating/relationships etc and a member from our SWEXPERTS team will answer directly to you. This is the first question that I answered, have a look and let me know what you think!

Ask the EXPERTS

My boyfriends profile is still online. I don’t know what to do about it. I think he might still be logging in.

Hello there and thank you for your question. One of the big questions of dating someone you met online is after how much time of dating does the online dating profile have to go down! Online datingcomes with a bunch of advantages, ease of meeting someone, less time consuming, variety of people to choose from. But, when your date becomes your boyfriend, and dating someone else is now out of the question, the presence of the dating profile is one of the unspoken questions… much like ‘How many women did you sleep with, before me?’. So what happens when a girl has to say…

Tinder... Swipe left or right?

Swiping Right for.. Tinder!

Swipe Left for... Tinder!

Dating an Older Man

Dating an older man: Why we do it

Dating an Older Man: How To Do It

Dating an Older Man: Why It doesn’t work out

Threesomes: three times... the pleasure or the trouble?

Spicing up online dating: TICKR

So How Does It Work?

How Can I Join?

Crossing over to the 'wild' side

Where do you draw the line?

HELP! HIS DATING PROFILE IS STILL ONLINE BY @DATINGCITYGIRL

Ask the EXPERTS

Help! His Dating Profile is Still Online - click the link to read the rest of this post!

Girl Behind the Keyboard

Popular Posts

Member of the #SWEXPERT team on Singles Warehouse

Voted in the top 10

Expert Contributor

Labels

Blog Archive

Categories